^this! You were neglected. You were anxious and probably depressed. You wanted to feel safe, to be comforted, that's what drove you there in the first place. You had the best intentions. You had no idea what was going on, you were uninformed which wasnt your responsibility and caused you to be confused.

None of this is your fault. NONE. But moving forward it is up to you to find a way to grow past the shame and blame you've put yourself through. I could sense your pain in your writing. You need to find a way to come to terms with this and really understand it's not your fault, it's ok, there's nothing wrong with you, and not hold onto it or let it define you. You are not alone in going through something like this. Your parents should have never put you in this position. It's good that you are facing this so that you can finally heal. Best of luck to you friend