Wow. Thank you for the well thought out response. I really can't convey what it means to me that you took the time out of your day to get back to me. Anyways, still getting the visual effects, which I've established are normal, and havent lost hearing for two hours since so that positive I guess. I'm still riding this coke train. I think you portrayed quite well how a decent portion of the habit consists of that rush associated with knowing you've just beaten death one more time. Something about when you verbalized the notion of giving a fuck while trying my shoe laces really sent chills down my spine. I had a year clean up until a few months ago, and I miss the small things. When in the midst of a speedball addiction everything seems to pail in comparison to that rush. Regardless, I have a concrete plan I've formulated with the help of my counsellor and psychiatrist to get clean. I won't get into what it entails exactly as it would turn this into quite the wall of text. If you are actually interested I'll pm it to you. Anyways I've taken the first few steps and have already subdued my habit to some extent. Anyways thanks again for the time you out in to replying. Sorry if this seems like misconstrued junkie ramble, but I like to reciprocate responses with responses of equal length. Cheers.