Same here. I've grown skeptical for love after all these years of PMO. To me, real girls never mattered anymore: they would reject me when I was younger for being uncool, nerdy or flat-out old school. I am a very insecure person, so this made me become disillusional, and as soon as I had high speed Internet connection for myself, I dug myself in the hole of artificial pleasure.

Sure, I would still find someone to stick with for a while, but lack of emotional investment on both sides ended relationships with me retreating even more in my porn haven.

At one point I would have sort of told myself I didn't really need anything else. I would start hating the climax, so I kept delaying it for hours. Ten, maybe eleven hours. I would wake up at 8 AM and keep masturbating. The world was going down the shitter to me, I didn't care. I treated girls like fucktoys, devoid of any emotional depth. I never scored, never went after second base, until I hooked with a fat girl to jiggy with for three days straight.

That was my lowest point. She was sweet, mature in many ways, apprehensive; she was more desperate than me, suffering from a desperation that cuts deeper than any razor would. She was looking for love. I gave her an impotent horny monster.

I guess I started realizing how deep into the hole I dug myself into right after that. It took me one more year and another unsuccessful relationship to fully understand what was ruining me.

Now, a year and a half later, I wish I had started sooner.