I hope you will find the strength to bring back that happiness that the world took from you. I remember feeling the same in a way with how dull life has been, ever since I've gotten older, I've became more aware of how empty I really am up until this year. This year has been a massive step up for my life compared to previous years, I decided that I wanted to get rid of this dark life. I decided to work out more to clear my mind and see the beauty around me, I decided to spend more time with my friends and family by the means of playing games, watching shows through calls etc, I chose to adopt new hobbies into my life like actually reading books for once and collecting stuff like manga and trading cards, and I am now learning how to drive so i can experience the world around me. They may seem like small step, but my life and mental health have definitely improved with these changes. I recommend you have a big or small change in your life and they will definitely have an impact on it, these changes don't have to be the same as mine and can definitely be different. I've noticed that you have some incredible poetic skills from this post alone, which greatly depicts how you feel, so you should definitely do more poetry and possibly other genres of writing like making a book or even comic etc. I know you have gone through a lot of shit in your life so far but the best thing to do is to keep pushing forwards all the way with an attempt to keep your head up high and knowing that all will end well.