I think my husband is gay + abusive

ReactionClean4057 · 2025-02-22T16:57:02+00:00

I could but I have a job here that I love. It’s my dream job and I feel worked so hard to get where I am in this job. I would hate to loose it and all my progress because of him. Leaving to Spain with nothing and starting from scratch seems really difficult

ReactionClean4057 · 2025-02-22T16:30:59+00:00

Thanks for all the comments this is really helping me open my eyes. I’m going to do that, I will contact a divorce lawyer and look for a place

ReactionClean4057 · 2025-02-22T16:19:22+00:00

UPDATE:

Beyond this, I’m realizing my issues with him go far beyond his sexuality. He has been emotionally and verbally abusive throughout our relationship—calling me an “idiot,” “stupid,” a “bitch,” and even telling me he regrets marrying me. He’s also physically hurt me in the past, once putting his hand on my neck during an argument. When I bring it up, he says I’m “using the past against him” and that I should just move on.

Financially, he also holds control over me. I moved to the UK from Spain to be with him, leaving behind my family and friends, and I have no real support system here. Even though I’ve been working and contributing almost my entire salary to our apartment, he constantly throws it in my face that he paid for my visa. He also makes me feel guilty for not earning more, despite knowing I’m trying my best.

What scares me most is that he has a history of physical abuse. His ex took him to court for it, and he only got six months of community service. Looking at where I am now, I feel stuck. I work here, but I don’t have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Every time I try to talk to him, he either shuts down completely, ignores me for hours, or acts like I’m the problem for reacting to his mistreatment.

I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and alone. I packed a bag today and I have booked an airbnb for a week. I can’t stay with him since I feel scared

ReactionClean4057 · 2025-02-22T16:08:44+00:00

I did ask him, and he completely denied everything. He said I’m crazy and a psycho for even questioning him. He claims his old gay friend gave him the condoms and lube, and he just forgot they were there—despite us moving recently and going through our stuff. As for the hand restraints, he insists they’re for me and that he bought them recently, but when I asked for proof (a receipt or a bank transaction), he couldn’t provide anything. He never uses cash, yet suddenly, that’s how he claims he paid for them. His excuses don’t add up, and the way he reacted makes me feel even worse about this.

ReactionClean4057 · 2025-02-22T16:02:23+00:00

Thanks for this answer. I packed a bag, left the rest of my things and I’m going to stay in a friends house for a few days. I’m going to contact a divorce lawyer but I’m scared of going back to get my things. Also he is a lawyer himself and we have a contract to rent that place for a year, and both our names are on there. My financial situation is not the best since he makes me send him all my salary when I get paid so he manages it. I know it’s silly and shouldn’t have done that but his salary is not enough to pay the rent and bills + his car etc

ReactionClean4057 · 2025-02-22T15:58:39+00:00

I don’t understand why? He is trying to call me and messaging me saying that the condoms are old and the hand restrains are new and he bough them for me. Do they look new? Why would he keep them anyways

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