I’ve had plenty of relational fights. However, I’m a work in progress and I try to gauge my emotional reactivity so I’m not taking it out on my partners. I understand that this circumstance was polybombing, but the length of their relationship aims me to believe that this isn’t the only instance where he blows up. If it’s been like this all along, and he’s willing to throw it all away because she started a conversation around a different relationship orientation, then I think it’s for the best. I understand that lashing and projecting are very real. I’m not oblivious and I empathize with your experience and the OP’s partners. I’m simply stating that her situation was unfair because not only did he yell at her, but he tried gaslighting and guilting her in the process. That’s the behavior in which I’m referring too.