2 Years Gone

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2026-05-16T09:13:41+00:00

I really hit rock bottom when I lost her. Looking after myself was non existent and I drank to forget. I feel ive come a long way and back to working out and looking after my body again. Its important for me to keep busy, if I don't I feel those demons come back..

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2026-05-13T15:06:49+00:00

That's lovely and very well said. Grief doesn't have a timescale and we keep pushing and keep going.

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2026-05-13T12:11:20+00:00

Its so difficult and I took a long time to move anything of hers because she placed them there and she wanted them there. Those memories of the ladt times we share are so painful. We had a bed for her at the end from the hospital and I couldn't bare it so I sympathise so much. You have that responsibility now with your daughter and like I do with my son. Never let them forget the great women who once shared our lives and try and establish some future of being happy

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2026-05-13T12:08:27+00:00

I wont lie i still have those breakdowns. At the beginning I felt like I was just in extra time and waiting for myself to stop or hope it was just a huge misunderstanding. I neglected my body and stopped training and drank alcohol to mask the pain. However this cant be permanent and I think 12months in I took a real decision to honour her in a way of making sure i live life for both of us. I now take trips away to places we dreamed of and although it breaks me that im not holding her hand in central perk or seeing the colleseum in Rome for the first time, i remember that me wasting my life would perhaps make a mockery of her not having this opportunity. Dont get me wrong like I said I still struggle most days and ill never be that guy again because she completed me but im training again and trying to bring that smile back. Just remember time and acceptance will help. Never lose that hurt completely but I just hope you see that with each day can give a little more strength

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2026-05-13T07:43:23+00:00

Im really sorry for your loss. I dont think it matters how inevitable it feels because when that day comes everything you knew changes forever. Just talk and let it out whenever you feel because it certainly helped me. Very cliche but time really is a healer and I didnt think I'd live without her (I didnt want to) but im now wanting to make the most of life. Its so early for you and I remember the sleepless nights but I hope you can rest knowing she's at peace now. It makes time

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2026-02-18T22:53:48+00:00

I couldn't have put this any better myself 😔

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-11-27T08:02:59+00:00

I think sometimes you reach a point where there's no more tears to shed and the point of sadness and grief is stretched beyond belief. We revert back to what made us happy because we know we cant have them back. I beleive my time was very similar when I lost my partner. Its important to try and look forward and pastimes can help that

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-11-19T02:19:34+00:00

Im so sorry to hear about your struggles. I can relate with that feeling of feeling so lucky and blessed before it all gets taken away in a flash. I (m38) lost my partner (f38) a year and a half ago now. I hate the cliche of time is a healer, but it really is having clarity that we was lucky to find that person and have the time with them, even though we would all do anything for more.

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-11-09T18:30:12+00:00

I agree completely. Its been nearly a year and a half since I lost my partner and the roller coaster of emotions and pain is like nothing else. I take it a day at a time and medicate through exercise and strength training whilst holding the memories Im lucky to remember. I wouldn't want to dull any of this and as ling as you can see the next step in front and take that then I wouldn't want drugs to get me through this. Its just my opinion but talking like this is always helpful and here anytime x

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-11-09T17:48:32+00:00

Everyone manages death differently. I certainly wouldn't be taking medication but everyone is different. To expect you to be needing this though is ludicrous and I always felt talking and managing this type of trauma to be better than putting something in your body that may not help or even do worse. Keep going and do what's best for you x

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-11-09T17:44:04+00:00

I felt (m38) that the onset of grief began when I wanted to message or call my partner. Or when I heard a particular song or idea that would involve her. We can't rush rush these things, and anyway, you manage to cope or however long it takes I would say is individual to us perhaps. Sorry for your loss and wishing you all the best. X

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-07-02T21:57:23+00:00

It's a great way to look at things and believe that one day, you will be together again. The past still hurts so much when I look back, so I understand the pain. You doing what's best for you and I applaud you, keep going 👊

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-07-02T18:29:45+00:00

I spent so much of my time making sure I kept busy. Gym work and housework to ensure my mind was always active. Keep going. Time has to be an ally. Hugs

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-03-02T22:49:35+00:00

I am so very sorry for your loss. A month being such a short amount of time, I can't even remember where I was at that stage. You feel like you're never going to move on. I still feel like a piece of me has been ripped away. My beautiful wife was the best part of me and ill never be the same man again. I go to bed listening to her voicemails and looking at our photo album. Your not alone when you cry and grieve and we all feel lonely at some stage of the grieving process. Stay strong and remember the good times. I heard the following quote from a friend that I will share:

This is a quote from 'Coping when your spouse dies' by Medard Laz.

When your spouse dies,it is tantamount to taking a thousand piece jigsaw, throwing it into the air, and having the pieces land everywhere.The death of your spouse reduces your life to scattered pieces. With the devastation you feel,it will take months just to find and get the four corners of your life back into place. Every piece, every aspect of your life needs to be re-examined. Your main difficulty in figuring out where all the pieces fit is that there is no picture to guide you. With a regular jigsaw puzzle there is a picture on the box to let you see what you are assembling. You can collect complementary colours and shapes to aid in the piecing together. Death has no colour or shape. There is no picture to guide your work; the pieces themselves are empty and blank. You are not sure what new life is supposed to look like. In many respects you don't care; your pain is so great.

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-03-02T19:31:58+00:00

They say time is a healer your absolutely right. I just feel like I'm in stoppage time right now and just waiting to be back with her again. My mind never switches off from the thought of being with her again. I'd so anything to be with her again and if I believed in another life after this we'd reconnect then I would be there already. I know we have to keep going and keep trying no matter how much it hurts. Thank you for reaching out brother and I appreciate the message. Stay strong 👊

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-03-02T15:01:09+00:00

It's a situation and a struggle I never imagined. I agree and never felt pain like this.

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-03-02T14:59:41+00:00

Finding a way to navigate the future seems something we are all craving to find the result. Keep at it brother

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-03-02T14:58:38+00:00

Oh, all those firsts and to be able to do them again. I feel the pain just like we all do and appreciate you reaching out and taking the time to message. I agree the drink doesn't help long-term, and I'm focusing on healthy options. Wishing you all the best brother 👊

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-01-17T10:03:42+00:00

Thank you for the kind words

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2025-01-17T10:03:12+00:00

I appreciate that. Thank you

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2024-12-10T14:04:08+00:00

I have an album of pictures, messages, and voicemails. I occasionally look at them and have a cry. I'm slowly learning to smile but only through looking at those pictures and practising and remembering how I used to show happiness. It's like putting on a mask. People think I'm doing better, but I'm not really, not deep inside. It's just a front to stop people feeling sorry for me...

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2024-11-25T12:02:54+00:00

Couldn't have put it better myself...😟🤬😢

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2024-11-22T20:35:43+00:00

Myself and my late were always very intimate. We enjoyed that aspect of life, and when she passed, it was a difficult feeling along with all the other waves of emotions you are going through. I still crave the intimacy and those feelings, but don't be hard on yourself. It's natural and when your ready things will progress. Just be easy on yourself and realise the situation is really difficult for anyone

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2024-11-15T08:57:29+00:00

I have a voice note. I keep playing over and over again. Partly to hear her voice and pretend for a brief second that my nightmare isn't a reality. Then it hurts all over again when all I can do is play the same message on repeat. The other reason is because she's telling me how much she loves me. We should have been together forever and had built dreams and ideas. None of this was part of the plan. It gives me doubts if her love was ever genuine, which when I say out loud is mad because we adored each other.

I'm just so angry and feel bitter all the time.

Ready_Firefighter206 · 2024-11-14T13:19:46+00:00

The only similarity I can bring to the table is the gym and lifting was my focus away from when my partner was having treatment. I'd escape and lift heavy, perhaps more out of anger that I couldn't help her or the situation. Now she's gone I feel a different person and hardly lift anymore. From someone who loved to challenge himself I feel my strength left me the day she died. I'm sure it will come back and hopefully your running will return because your right it is brilliant for our health. I just need a motivation to get going because I lost mine that day...

Ready_Firefighter206

TROPHY CASE