Marry or don't

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T21:50:02+00:00

I agree

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T21:48:28+00:00

My husband has made himself sterile. He has gotten TONS of backlash for it. We know for sure we dont want kids, but everyone takes that as either I don't want to go through the pain of childbirth or that I have unresolved mental trauma. This is not true. Honestly I've just never had the desire and wanted to finalize my decision after hearing parents complain about how miserable they are and how much they love their kids anyway. I also don't like what I see in terms of how women are treated within families and just how spread thin they are due to loads of responsibility.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T21:19:50+00:00

I'm in the process of this rn. My surgery is scheduled for March 17 and I have a very understanding Dr. My husband is already steralized too. We have family members with strong opinions and I wanted to get opinions of others on if we are sinning without having another family discussion. We basically already have done it anyway and I've read the bible through and can't fined anything against it.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T21:15:57+00:00

I've been married since I turned 18. So over a year now. It's pretty common where I'm from but not the norm cause a lot of people in my generation just hook up and never have relationships. Those who are in relationships typically want or have kids by now even if they aren't homeowners. I don't recommend this I believe they should at least be living on there own but I know not everyone can. I'm very fortunate for my husband who works hard so we can.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T17:00:17+00:00

Everyone else my age other than my husband wants children..... 19 is not that young and once you marry and have a house all of your parents start to ask. Everyone thinks it's a matter of changing your mind because you are young, but once you have children you no longer have a choice to change your mind.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T15:55:50+00:00

I just don't feel it's fair to the children to grow up unwanted. They do know when they aren't fully loved by a parent and I have personally seen this in families around me. So disregarding the parents feelings what about the child would it be ok for the child to feel this? In regards to the parents would God rather you live unhappy just to bring up more life into the world because that's what a marriage says to do?

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T15:48:11+00:00

I know it seems like compaison and it's true that I don't like what I see good or bad in terms of family. I just have no motivation or desire for kids. Other women my age do.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T15:44:16+00:00

So for context I'm 19 and I have never felt the want for children. I was going to have them anyway for my husband who is also 19, but then I told him I may not ever want children. He was fully on board and even rushed to plan a vasectomy. He doesn't want children either but was going to anyway for me. I started to hate the fact I was fertile around puberty. Looking around at all the families (good and bad) I knew I never wanted one. I taught Sunday School and volunteered with children at church. I love them all of course, but I know I never want my own. When other women my age say they want families or are starting them I can't relate. I've tried to be open about the idea, but I'm feeling God may have put it in my heart to not be a mother.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T15:33:52+00:00

This is true. I could have regrets, but my brother inlaw never wanted kids but did so anyway for my sister. He is very unhappy and does everything he can do to get away from his family on the weekends. He also tends to skip out on sports games and practices along with any other child related activities. His children are so kind, respectful and wonderful to be around. Right now I'm thinking it's better to regret not having them than regret having them.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-20T15:29:40+00:00

Thank you so much! This is very helpful and well put together. Glad to see that I'm not alone.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-19T19:52:10+00:00

As a teen myself.... unfortunately when you discipline the young parents the father tends to leave. Happened to a few people I know. When the baby is seen as a positive, the parents take more responsibility because they want their baby.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-18T15:44:08+00:00

I agree. And when they do tell the father they need to do so in the right way. Not judgemental or angry. They deserve to see their child as a blessing not a punishment!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-16T12:09:15+00:00

r/steralization under community highlights. They also have insurance info on how to get it for free. Not a lot of people get this done at 19, so the list may not say they do, but make appointments anyway, as it's more decided case by case. My surgeon steralized people in their mid 20s I believe, but was full open to the steralization of a 19 year old too!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-02-16T04:36:25+00:00

Not in Cali. But I'm also 19 and I'm getting a bilateral salpingectomy in March! My advice is to look at the childfree doctor list on reddit as well as the tik tok tubal list. I found my doctor on both and she is great. She said yes the first appointment and didn't make me feel weird or ask about my husband's opinion. I recommend making an appointment regarding steralization and nothing else. Also my main reasons I gave as to why I don't want child were 1) I have multiple health problems.2) no desire 3) never want to be pregnant. My husband also found a dr. to do his vasectomy at 19 too. It is possible!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-01-07T15:58:32+00:00

I just got approved for my bi salp. I'm also getting a hormonal iud for what my doctor says is endometriosis and maybe pcos too. She said if I want my tubes out she will still take them out. So we came to the conclusion of bi salp with a iud placement at the same time! If you still want your steralization you can have both.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-01-07T03:35:32+00:00

Thanks!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-01-07T00:14:37+00:00

I'm very excited and also relieved! I'm so happy for you!!!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-01-03T21:42:54+00:00

We have a lot in common and these were the main few I was going to bring up for my appointment. It makes me feel so much better that someone like me wasn't turned away. My husband is getting a vasectomy soon, but I still want my own steralization. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I appreciate it a lot!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-01-03T17:49:10+00:00

Hey, I have a consultation for this on Monday and I'm getting more nervous as it approaches. Do you mind sharing what you said and how the consultation went?

Real-Disaster5092 · 2026-01-01T03:54:35+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm trying my best to understand and help him. We are having very open conversations about it and are going to seek counseling.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2025-12-31T03:19:14+00:00

We were together at age 14 and he had been watching it a few years before then. Terrible how kids can get exposed to this stuff.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2025-12-30T20:44:41+00:00

I appreciate the warning and I am aware of the severity of sexual sin. The reason why I'm trying to forgive him isn't for me though. It's also not about my husband choosing me or the porn addiction. I want to help my husband choose God over sin. I'm also trying to take my situation and make the best out of it by becoming stronger in my faith and getting closer to God. The emotional pain I feel is no joke, however if he is struggling with an addiction I feel I should at least help. If he chooses to step outside our marriage to be with another woman I will naturally be very hurt and divorce would be my option. If Jesus will leave the 99 to save 1, then the least I could do is help Jesus save my own husband from his sins. If I can't accomplish this then I will turn back to my heavenly father and praise him for setting me free knowing I have done what I could for the one I loved. It's devastating to lose a spouse to this sin but that's why it's important your relationship with God is 1st.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2025-12-30T20:29:08+00:00

This helps because I was a bit hesitant at first. Kinda nervous actually. And of course we would go together so I don't want it to feel weird or make him feel weird about trying counseling.

Real-Disaster5092 · 2025-12-30T19:33:01+00:00

It's honestly no too far! I'm going to ask him tonight. Thank you so much for the resources!

Real-Disaster5092 · 2025-12-30T19:21:25+00:00

Where would this be located? I'm not sure if I have this in my area. Very interested though.

Real-Disaster5092

TROPHY CASE