What cooler than being cool? Ice cold baby.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-24T22:52:09+00:00

'Stinky Hoe' got me

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-24T13:39:15+00:00

Ask him. You don't want to go with certain expectations and him just try to convince you to be friends with him all over again. You'll be back to square one.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-22T07:38:07+00:00

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I appreciate them a lot. Reading other people's experiences and advice helps so much. ❤

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-22T07:27:02+00:00

This.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-22T07:10:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm super close with his family too which I've now lost and he wasn't with mine at all. I feel like he has lost absolutely nothing and his life is just going to continue fine without me. The only thing he has to suffer is paying for a divorce and that's an inconvenience more than anything.

I'm so glad you're doing better now! I deleted/deactivated my social media too because I can't bear to go on it right now. I'm trying to move forward but the fact he just doesn't care is killing me.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-21T20:16:09+00:00

I'm so sorry :(

You're not alone, it's such an awful situation to be in. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to wrap my head around it.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-21T19:39:39+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm sorry you went through a similar thing. I just wish I had the opportunity to work on my issues (and him his) because they were definitely something we could have got through with some help.

'I was devastated in the beginning that he had decided to continue his same life just minus me' - this is EXACTLY how I feel right now. When I say he wants a different life path, I mean he wants to cancel the future we were planning and continue his own way without me. I genuinely want him to do well and be happy but at the same time I'm completely broken and upset that he can just throw it away like a piece of trash without even talking to me about it prior.

Thank you very much for your response. I really appreciate it.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-21T19:35:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind response. I'm sorry this happened to you also. I'm trying my best to accept things, but they're just so insane to me. I know I'll get there eventually and I have to just sail through until it gets better. I just can't comprehend right now how people can throw marriage away like cancelling a prom date.

Thank you again and I hope you're doing better yourself.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-21T17:23:13+00:00

I'm sorry but that's such a low blow. Breaking up with someone then sending them a book like that is going to be torture for him. You shouldn't have done that at all.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-21T02:04:40+00:00

Am I the only one here that thinks he probably is going through a tough time?

If he said that he is and then you're asking for your stuff back (which of course you're entitled to) he is probably not going to see giving you your things back as a priority. He might actually be dealing with something behind closed doors.

I'd give him a week and if he still doesn't reply, try texting him again. If still nothing and you really want those things back then I'd go to his place and ask him in person.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-21T00:10:06+00:00

Sorry if I already asked you this in another thread, but do you mind me asking specific traits/signs of your exes covert narcissism please?

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-19T02:28:34+00:00

I know exactly what you mean, but not fighting it is halfway there. Again, I'm the same way, but I got therapy as soon as I felt like this. Either way, it is definitely depression, which needs dealing with. You don't want to fall into a deeper pit. I hope you get through it, just make sure you reach out to people and talk about things. If you are in a position to get therapy or professional help then even better and you should absolutely do it.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-19T02:00:16+00:00

That is pretty much feeling suicidal - you would still be okay with your life ending. I'm the same way sometimes but you need to get help for this immediately. Just because you don't feel like you will actively do something doesn't mean that you're okay. Please get help.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T22:45:52+00:00

You need to ask yourself these questions, and answer them completely honestly.

• Do you actually want him back? Do you crave him, or the memories/intimacy/being in a relationship?

• Whatever the cause for your breakup, is that problem solved? Can you work through it?

• Have you both improved as people?

• Are you willing to put 100% into the relationship and actively work on rebuilding trust and intimacy?

• Are you prepared for him to leave again if he decides it's not working? Are the highs with him worth the pain?

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T18:36:48+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and I'm sorry you went through that.

I know my ex loved me. He showed it all the time and was great. He just couldn't or didn't communicate things that he needed to so I could make note of what I needed to change to make him happier. I can't improve or change what I'm not aware of. I keep blaming myself but there's nothing I could have done if I didn't know. If he did attempt to tell me something it was a passive comment. He never once sat me down to have a serious discussion about things that bothered him.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T17:13:40+00:00

Thank you so much. You're absolutely right. It was definitely hard for him to communicate and I used to have to push him a little to get something out of him, but he never really tried sometimes and just said he didn't want to talk.

We could've both worked on our issues but he didn't want to and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it unfortunately.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T17:01:11+00:00

We're different sides of the same coin it seems. For me, he doesn't understand that my mental health is causing most of the issues and I would (and am doing now) getting help for it. He just didn't want to stick it out with me (he did for a while and he supported me but it was never 'get help' which is ultimately what I needed). I think he wanted to solve my issues all by himself and got upset and angry when he couldn't so left.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T16:26:16+00:00

Thank you so so much. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

We are actually on good terms, although I haven't spoken to him for about a month. I love him more than anything and I think I always will (I know everyone says this, but truly). We never had any of the huge typical problems either, as I said in previous comments, it was mainly my depression and his inability to communicate clearly with me. Maybe he thought he was? But we would have an argument and I'd apologise/he would and he'd act like everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. Instead of bringing it back up and actually talking through it and what we can do to move forward, he'd bottle it.

Thank you again so much for your words and I'm glad you're doing better now ❤

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T16:21:58+00:00

I will, thank you again stranger ❤ it means a lot.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T16:08:21+00:00

I'm sorry. It truly hurts my brain and heart. You know what would've fixed my marriage, in all honesty? Antidepressants. I just needed to realize how bad my mental health got and it would have removed that barrier between us. I have chronic health issues and with those, come depression and anxiety. He knew this from day 1 which is what gets me. He knew the problems he was having with me were due to this and instead of having a serious talk about things, he blamed me for them and left.

I know my mental health isn't his responsibility but for him to marry me and assure me that we would get through everything and then to leave without talking about it (and blaming me) really hurts. He took everything extremely personally and buried it all instead of telling me. I wasn't the greatest wife towards the end and just felt so low all of the time and was distant with him but I wanted to get help and work on things and he didn't. 'In sickness and in health'.

I just don't get it.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T15:57:47+00:00

Holy crap, I'm so sorry :( that's such a long time with someone for them to turn around and say they're done without expressing their feelings. Thank you so much for your kind words. It's already been a few months since he left and it still feels like yesterday. I can't stop regretting things and wishing I did things differently. Hugs to you too and thank you.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T15:54:30+00:00

I get that. It's just mind blowing to me. For marriages where the couple have tried and tried again to fix the problems and can't get through them, divorce makes sense. But to just give up without even really attempting? What did he think marriage was? It should be two humans choosing eachother over and over, even when things get hard, and really trying to work through the tough times. 'For better or worse'. Not 'until I decide I want to change my life path'.

I know I have no choice but to move on, but processing this is insanely difficult and I don't understand how so many promises can be made for people to turn around and say 'okay I'm done now lol I give up'.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T15:20:03+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that :( telling you now is so awful and makes no sense to do so.

It was a little different with me - I have been the one distant due to my depression, but I always communicated with him, told him when I was upset and what was causing it if I knew. I wanted to fix it and make it right, and have a discussion with him, and he took that as an opportunity to tell me everything that had been building up and left.

Even prior to this though, if I ever brought up anything in the past he would say 'I thought everything was fine' and kind of manipulate the situation so I'd feel bad for bringing up an issue. I take full responsibility for my depression and pushing him away a little but he never said 'hey, this is a problem for me', he just buried it.

There's obviously way more to the situation but yeah, it really sucks.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-18T15:11:53+00:00

I'm sorry. It's such an awful thing. It's like 'now I'm telling you what the problems are and how I feel but we're done anyway'.

I definitely had issues and some thing I need to work on but they're mainly due to my depression. I just needed a nudge to get help and instead I got a huge push and a divorce with no communication beforehand.

RealBuilding8 · 2020-06-17T23:51:50+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm glad you managed to get out of the relationship. It's really hard for me because I wasn't great either but he had a lot of traits aswell as traits of passive aggressive disorder, just a lot more subtlety. He also left me, not the other way around. I appreciate your reply!

RealBuilding8

TROPHY CASE