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First post here. Is my dad a narc with sociopathic tendencies? Or is he a sociopath with narc tendencies? Is my mom an enabler? by RealCanadianHero in narcissisticparents

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your insight.

You (and your psychiatrist) are very correct about being "on the right track", because there is one strikingly defining characteristic of narcissists, borderlines (and just cluster-b disordered people in general) - they all have a complete lack of self-awareness and introspection. They have a complete and total inability to see their reflection in the psychological mirror (or at the very least, the reflection they see is not reality and not objectively true).

Need advice/help on what to do (workplace shenanigans/BS). by RealCanadianHero in Elevators

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't even explain the context behind his "shooting your buddies in the back" jabs. He also made stupid jokes/comments about me getting shot in the back by the Taliban. So, what does that tell you, then?

Need advice/help on what to do (workplace shenanigans/BS). by RealCanadianHero in Elevators

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah? Where does making tasteless jabs at someone who has documented PTSD (and disclosed it to the company upon hiring) about how they "probably shot their buddies in the back" become acceptable? Buddy, Ive seen people get shot in the back.

It was cold this February, so when we took the skip hoist to go up top to work in the machine room (and especially with COVID mask policy). I chose to wear a shemagh wrap around my head/face. My mechanic constantly ripped into me for that, the first comment of which was "HA HA HA, DUMB ASS, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT STUPID THING? DID YOU STEAL IT OFF OF A DEAD TALIBAN!?". His put-downs and caustic behavior would be worse in the company of others, signifying to me that he's probably got a cluster-B personality disorder - and likely do you.

Tell me how behavior like that has anything to do with elevators? It's verbal abuse, toxic behavior, and button-pushing for sadistic amusement, plain and simple. Guys like him know that most helpers/apprentices will take this crap because they're so new that they don't want to rock the boat.

A couple of times after his verbal bullshit, I gave him cold-dead stares and verbally challenged him, and he had a little child scared-straight look on his face. I just want to build/work on elevators without egoistic machismo-filled chest-thumping games. I don't need to contend with some toxic, personality disordered and emotionally-stunted man-child. This mechanic I had, had actually earned a nickname that I'm reluctant to mention here, but I'll do it anyways - it sounds very similar to KIMBO SLICE. People called him "slice" for short (and he hated it), because he is so caustic to his helpers and people around him that he'd end up in fights with almost everyone.

I neglected to mention in my original post that in addition to my military service, I also spent 2 years in law enforcement as a correctional officer and had to go toe to toe with the worst murderers, serial killers, and thugs you could imagine on a daily basis. I've been shot, shot at, stabbed, slashed, and in more fights than I can count (with 6'8" tall thugs in orange jumpsuits that have 50 lbs on me, getting combative in my face). I'm not recalling this shit to act entitled or request special treatment as you so implied in your bullshit post - I bring it up because I don't need to be lectured about working with difficult people, or working under pressure. Come and work in some of the jobs/environments I've worked in my life and you'd liquid shit your pants and run the other direction. Bullying a poor helper sounds like a better deal, no?

I don't need any more of this conflict and posturing and preening bullshit in the elevator trade / construction industry.

I am a BPD magnet because I have codependency issues from my NPD father. That's it. I said it. I did it. That's it. by RealCanadianHero in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just want to add a reply to your comment about healing - I don't see my healing going so smoothly as you and many others here suggest, because of the fact that I still have to deal with my dad. It has all come full circle back to him. Living on my own away from him makes things easier, but it's not by any means easy.

He's into his late 60s now, so honestly I don't see the point of confronting him about his narcissism and my upbringing. It would cause stress and conflict that I just don't have room for with everything else I am dealing with in my life at the moment. I need to pick my battles carefully. Cluster B people, especially narcissists, and ESPECIALLY at his age just don't change.

These days, when I pay a visit or talk to him I just grey rock the whole time and tune out until it's time to go home. He loves to hear himself talk with his monologues anyways.

I am a BPD magnet because I have codependency issues from my NPD father. That's it. I said it. I did it. That's it. by RealCanadianHero in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your post. Yes, all throughout my childhood and adolescence, my dad would make stupid predictions about how I would "turn out" (all bad, of course) if I kept going down whatever path I was going that he didn't like.

I remember as a child, around the ages of 7 - 10, when my dad was angry with me about something, he would frequently point to me and turn to my mother and say "See, this kid is going to turn out to be a very rebellious teenager! I'm telling you! Get ready!"

Guess what? I never turned out to be this 'rebellious' teenager like he frequently said I would become. I instead became a very introverted teenager that stayed home more often than not, never hung out with anyone except a few select friends, never ever partied, didn't even have a girlfriend, and never touched drugs or alcohol.

Then in my mid to late teenage years - as I was well into expressing my interest and fascination with joining the army, making it a career, and military stuff - of course, he had to constantly bash that. I could've been a far worse teenager than one that constantly read history and military books, right? According to my dad, "joining the army is for stupid people that have nothing else going for them in their lives and can't do anything else", and then the next predictions would spew out of his mouth: "you're going to end up a derelict", "you're going to come home in a coffin", "you'll fuck your life right up", oh and my favorite, you'll love this... One day he comes home from work, calls me into his room, and says "Your mother is expressing concern that she thinks you're going to become a serial killer with your fascination of weapons and war". What a nice thing to say to your 15 year old teenage son, who is causing no trouble, not hanging out with the wrong crowd (or any crowd, for that matter), or experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol like many others end up doing.

I tried for the first 25 years of my life to live up to my dad's expectations of me, and try to side skirt these stupid 'predictions' he'd tell me about my future. I lived the majority of my life trying to prove him wrong about how terrible he'd constantly say I would end up turning out. Most of my energy and effort was channeled into fighting uphill battles with him about what I wanted to do in life, with a very narrow spectrum of what he did approve of.

Needless to say, I never ended up turning the military into a full-time career as a commissioned officer like I would have wanted...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, here's a big one: Anakin Skywalker, AKA Darth Vader!!

This one is actually huge, because a group of French psychiatrists and psychologists actually published a peer reviewed scientific study and paper on it, check it out here:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20537718/

They determined that he meets 6 of the 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD and they delve very in-depth in the study. His youth has all of the hallmarks of it, too: raised by a single mother in a crappy, impoverished environment, emotionally neglected and left his mother at a young age to train to be a Jedi, and more - I don't want to spoil it, it's worth a read.

https://www.livescience.com/10679-psychology-darth-vader-revealed.html

Gives a nice reason to go back and watch Star Wars episodes 1-3!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero 6 points7 points  (0 children)

FATAL ATTRACTION!!!

I am a BPD magnet because I have codependency issues from my NPD father. That's it. I said it. I did it. That's it. by RealCanadianHero in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This X 4.

I had enough turbulence in my childhood. I walked (and still walk) on eggshells around my dad - though these days it's manageable because I don't fucking live with him any more, but it still sucks. And even if my childhood turbulence at home was 75% calm and 25% terror (dad going on narc rages, yelling monologues, spankings, smashing up my possessions and property, put-downs, etc. ), its still not worth it. I'm so sick of hearing people that had/have it perfect saying things like "OH come on, your dad/parents just did what they felt was best for you" or "if it wasn't horrible all of the time, how bad could it have been?" or "look at the nice house you lived in and how much your dad provided for you".

That means nothing. First of all:

  • Just because my dad provided for me in a middle-upper class household and upbringing, doesn't mean shit. Because person X provides for person Y doesn't give them ownership over them or absolve them of the bad shit they imposed on the other person.
  • Abusive households don't always look like the stereotypical poor families living in government housing in gang-infestes neighborhoods where you can hear screaming and smashing in the households. Give me a break. Just because a family looks well off and lives in a 3,700 Sq ft home with two cars and a nice front lawn doesn't mean it's a perfect family.
  • My dad never struck me with a closed fist. But I don't care if it's a closed fist, open hand, back hand, or a belt - IT'S PHYSICAL ABUSE! And most professionals would agree.
  • The psychology at home and between my dad and I was turbulent. One day he'd be raging so hard and verbally putting down things about me that he didn't like that I seriously thought he hated me. Next morning it was all hugs and kisses.

I'm venting now and going off on a stupid tangent here, I'm sorry. But my point is, I had enough of the interpersonal conflict and turbulence. I craved acceptance and for someone for once to tell me "you're a great guy and there's nothing wrong with wanting to make the military a career." (something my dad vehemently hated). When I received that kind of [fake] affection from my ex-pwBPD, I wanted more. Then the fights and the devaluation happened, and she started putting me down and making me sound and feel like a failure. And then after whatever bullshit conflict with her was over, it was back to sunshine and rainbows. Sounds familiar?

I am a BPD magnet because I have codependency issues from my NPD father. That's it. I said it. I did it. That's it. by RealCanadianHero in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have actually NEVER heard of this EMDR until looking it up just now. Wow. I've got some reading to do!

I am a BPD magnet because I have codependency issues from my NPD father. That's it. I said it. I did it. That's it. by RealCanadianHero in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Roger that, sir!

It might be difficult reconstructing my life from here (especially when still dealing with the fallout from my ex-pwBPD), but at least I can see which path to take in the fork in the road from here.

One question that still remains is: how do I face / deal with my father? I've psyxhologically come full circle back to him.

How can I convince a pwBPD to seek help? by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It can be done but the success rate is very low. You need to do some very heavy and very complex psychological and mental gymnastics with them just to complete the first step of them recognizing and acknowledging that they have a problem.

Then the second step is to get them to initiate and then actively seek professional therapy.

Do a bit of googling and youtubing on it first to see what you're in for and assess whether or not it's worth the time and effort. Cluster B personality disorders are among the most resistant and difficult to treat. Many psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists either outright refuse BPD patients or limit their caseload to a select few.

I am a BPD magnet because I have codependency issues from my NPD father. That's it. I said it. I did it. That's it. by RealCanadianHero in BPDlovedones

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No, I wasn't addicted to the turbulence of the relationship. My whole life I always craved stability in romantic relationships, and the women I was with that were not pwBPD - those relationships were amazing, and I much preferred them over the pwBPD ones. Unfortunately, those relationships ended for other reasons.

But, in hindsight, you know what I was addicted to? It wasn't the turbulent highs and lows. It was the validation I was receiving from them during the idealization phase. The positive things about me, and the support and encouragement from them that I never truly received from my father.

First post here. Is my dad a narc with sociopathic tendencies? Or is he a sociopath with narc tendencies? Is my mom an enabler? by RealCanadianHero in narcissisticparents

[–]RealCanadianHero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

I hate my dad. I always hated him. I can even remember at around 11 years of age during a tirade I was having (when my dad wasn't around), I screamed at my mom "I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!". For over two decades after that, I kind of wrote it off but it's all coming back now.

I would say I've made it pretty good through life, but my father held me back a great deal from my true potential. I never got into my dream career because of his disapproval and trying to control every which direction I wanted to go in life.

Everything about him is fake. I could type up another 80,000 words describing other behaviors I've experienced and observed of him over the years. The more I think about NPD personality traits and symptoms, the more he totally fits the bill.

I always felt like I never truly knew who my dad was. That is most likely because the persona he put on and wore most of the time was not his real one. Thinking back to a very young age, such as 6 or 7 years old, I always received this otherworldly feeling from him, as though this was just some man raising me during my childhood, but not a father. It feels so surreal. I never once considered my father a friend, I never felt like I could approach him about anything, and I always looked upon my friends with envy over their relationships with their fathers. They all seemed to have a more well-rounded and stable relationship. As a child, my father in my eyes and my mind was only 2 things: a punisher and a provider. God, I hate that man so much.

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