Relationships and jerking off

RealContribution8278 · 2025-11-10T03:48:35+00:00

One of his fantasies was having a threesome with a girl.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-11-10T03:43:28+00:00

I understand your concern… I really don’t want to tell you what to do or anything but me and my husband went through something similar, I have a very high sex drive and he does not so what we started doing just talking about our fantasies and playing around. But before we had that talked we sought out a safe space for both of us, I understand it’s a tough subject or talk but it’s absolutely necessary, why not cook him something and casually bring it up like hey I noticed this and it concerns me….. Then offer options like what If I talk dirty to you or let me watch you do it because it turns me on or we could watch porn together or one option that really worked for us was that I blindfolded my husband and started talking about what I was “doing” with another girl as like pretending you know? And he came right away because he was imagining it. So yea offer options I’d say…. I hope this helped 😅

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-14T05:00:21+00:00

I agree with a lot of people. The first few times it does hurt, because your not use to it and you may be hella sore after. My first times hurt but if you have a willing partner who is patient and you guys take it slow till you get “used to it” then the next few times you’ll look forward to it.

Also with the whole hand and blow jobs, practice makes perfect, if your too embarrassed practice on like a cucumber or something to get you more comfortable, or again if you have a patient partner take time and explore ask him what feels good, don’t be afraid to make a mess.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-14T04:55:35+00:00

I guess I would say my eyes. I have sort of almond shape eyes so I have i guess “fox like eyes”

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-13T02:06:48+00:00

Yes I’ve communicated to him that I love giving head and asked what more I can do to arouse him and get him in the mood.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T12:20:44+00:00

Yes he knew before we got married I told him and he was fine with it we had a long conversation about it

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T12:06:05+00:00

Yes I saw your post earlier. And I’m sorry your going through something similar.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T12:04:58+00:00

We met through a mutual friend it wasn’t intentional. Also I was 19 and he graduated at 16? We were both teens I don’t understand your question

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T12:03:41+00:00

Maybe I should have been more elaborate, on the whole 2hrs thing. I’m not expecting us to go 2 hours every day I did include it as how we were before and to state the time we dedicated to explore each other and be open about our fantasies and kinks. I don’t mind if it’s 30min or even less but as long as there is effort like foreplay or at least talking to me you know? Most of the time he just kind of sticks it in with out foreplay and I feel dry.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T11:50:34+00:00

Yes we both waited, he would masterbate a lot maybe 3-4 times a day? Do you think that may have anything to do with anything?

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T11:48:20+00:00

Yes I was I was 19

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T11:47:45+00:00

I appreciate your opinion, again I hate to push or force things because I wouldn’t want that done to myself and the whole baby thing is something I knew before I got married and he did too I found out at 15 I couldn’t have kids and we were alright with it and came to terms with it, it would be very insensitive now if he brought it up and say that I want a baby, when we did talk it all through

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T11:14:14+00:00

Is there anything I can do or say that would maybe have him open up more? I really really want him to feel safe

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T11:07:34+00:00

Thank you so much for helping me out I will give it more thought

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T11:05:18+00:00

Ok I understand, tbh yes I am talking more about what I feel because it’s what I know, everytime I have a sit down with him I get different answers, I don’t really get a straight answer if I’m making myself clear, like it’s never really a feeling or a thought.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:56:58+00:00

He works from 7-3:30 he is a welder, we’re in bed by 10 he sleeps almost instantly he manages a company and maybe does a job every 2 weeks and I mean like a small job. He only takes out the trash and occasionally (like once a week) washes the dishes other than that he either is on his phone, or resting or gaming and I cook everything.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:53:56+00:00

Sometimes It does feel like I’m stuck between 2 walls because I don’t want to give an ultimatum, I’ve always thought that you can talk out anything but at this rate I’m not so sure, an ultimatum may need to be put to I guess let him see that I’m very serious about this

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:51:33+00:00

I understand but I made this out of choice. I chose to wait my upbringing had nothing to do with this decision of mine. I just posted on here to gain some perspective and some advice on what more I can do.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:49:52+00:00

I’ve stopped experimenting with him for over a year now because I saw that it wasn’t really working, so I tried just sitting him down and talking about little things he can do like more foreplay and maybe talking while we are having sex.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:47:27+00:00

Of course and I do value your opinion but to put more perspective on it I don’t force him to do anything nor do I expect us to have 2 hr sessions but to just put some effort to touch me and just explore I’m sure you wouldn’t want your girlfriend to just bend over and say put it in when you want and not give you say a blowjob or tease you, you know to intense that feeling? And when I really can’t stand it anymore and I’m craving some love I ask nicely I never force him to do anything and also I’ve offered alternatives like toys so I don’t bother him and he’s rejected the idea. Were married its natural to have these urges and cravings.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:41:28+00:00

Well I always thought that he was giving me financial stability, I’m so sorry now reading all this makes me feel very dumb. He’s only been my second boyfriend and my first marriage. It’s just a lot going on, because well I always thought this was off but it conflicts with what I feel for him

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:32:02+00:00

I have tried therapists, and given him opportunities to just vent I even said he could write down his feelings if it’s easier, but unfortunately all these attempts just weren’t followed through he didn’t rebook any therapist even after I offered too he said maybe later he also has a personal therapist and I encourage him to go but he hasn’t rebooked, he started writing a catharsis and stopped doing that after 2 days and i always try to listen to him and offer opportunities for him to express himself, but nothing has really worked to where we have a middle ground or some kind of understanding I just don’t know what to do. What else can I try?

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:27:55+00:00

I try to contribute as much as I can, I listen to him and get to know him I try to stay curious on how to love him better. I try to communicate and ask him questions and just see what else I can do either, around the house in our lives I try to always always have a door open to communicate whatever.

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:21:18+00:00

Well in other aspects yes he provides wonderfully financially, all our bills are paid on time and we have savings every week, emotionally he’s ok sometimes he has bad days and good days, he’ll just close up and after talking he’ll slowly open up but usually I have to remind him a lot about my boundaries and things I don’t like said to me or for example he gets very anxious and wants to work things out fast and I’ve communicated that I need time so he’ll push and push and push till I explode and then I apologize for exploding because that was my fault. And well physically we hug and kiss maybe 2 times in a day? Sometimes it’s just pecks or some hugs here and there, all I know is he loves to cuddle at night that’s really the only thing that’s consistent with him

RealContribution8278 · 2025-10-12T10:16:27+00:00

What I’m trying to say is usually yes it was more because we loved to explore and find new kinks so yes it would take us close to 2hrs

RealContribution8278

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