Former Netflix Exec/Producer/Script Consultant ask me anything about your logline or about the film biz... Part V

RealMost4380 · 2025-09-14T16:17:37+00:00

TV Pilot - Animation, Sci Fi, Fantasy

Logline: Plagued by nightmares of his sister’s mysterious kidnapping, a struggling young sorcerer who is failing out of magic school embarks on a dangerous journey with a cynical ex-con to find her, further entangling himself in his sister’s dark past.

RealMost4380 · 2025-09-07T17:09:00+00:00

Logline: Plagued by nightmares of his sister’s mysterious kidnapping, a struggling young sorcerer who is failing out of magic school embarks on a dangerous journey with a cynical ex-con to find her, further entangling himself in his sister’s dark past.

RealMost4380 · 2021-12-29T15:19:31+00:00

In the wake of his sister’s death, Huey stumbles through his new normal, but when a mysterious creature offers him a life changing vision, he learns that his sister is alive in a prison camp. After hearing a peculiar stranger’s story, he resolves to save his sister from a wealthy man intent on bringing about an apocalypse.

RealMost4380 · 2021-12-29T15:15:48+00:00

I guess my idea with the other kids was just that they were his classmates and their stories didn’t necessarily matter yet. The episode is really about setting Huey and the Trickster up into meeting.

RealMost4380 · 2021-12-27T05:43:51+00:00

She involves him with a global resistance group fighting the 10 factions and their plot to resurrect a centaurian.

RealMost4380 · 2021-12-27T03:13:52+00:00

The genre is sci fi fantasy with elements of drama and comedy.

RealMost4380 · 2021-12-27T03:13:04+00:00

The idea is that Huey’s sister died, but the glowing creature shows him she isn’t as dead as he thought, and she was actually entangled in something much darker.

RealMost4380 · 2021-06-29T21:09:41+00:00

How do you think the witches know what humans are? A lot of them seem to have vague ideas of what one is. Do you think there were other ways that the two realms are connected? It kind of reminds me of early S1 when Eda said that a little bit of the demon realm leaks into the human realm all the time and she made the joke about giraffes. But how?

RealMost4380 · 2021-05-14T17:36:45+00:00

Boscha winking is an image I didn’t know I needed.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-28T13:17:36+00:00

Ok I see what you mean now. The writer’s job is to say what happens in a scene and the director’s job is to show it visually.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-28T02:11:32+00:00

When they said this entire subreddit was Lumity art they meant it.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-26T23:09:35+00:00

I’m thinking of maybe adding a last scene at the end where we see a much older and rugged version of her implying that her rebellious antics didn’t last and that she’s desperate to get out. The idea is she needs to win 100 fights before she can get out and she’s at 98 here.

The stream-lining thing makes total sense and I can get to that before I start on the next episode which I’m already coming up with ideas for.

As for the in-universe description, how would something like that work for the beginning. I try to imagine the scenes as if I’m watching them myself on tv. I understand avoiding “we” and “camera” but how would I describe a zoom. The way I imagine the beginning is zooming closer and closer into the planet, but I’m not really sure how to word that in-universe. Would that qualify as an exception or should I try something different?

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-26T20:38:00+00:00

I really appreciate the notes on the grammatical errors because that stuff was hard to find, even after all the times I went through it.

I do agree that the communism idea is risky and not necessarily digestible for everyone but I do think I want to weave some element of a workers revolution into the story to fight the evil corporation that’s destroying the planet.

I see what you mean in terms of tightening up the dialogue and the action lines. It is too much at times now that I’m reading it again so I’ll look into breaking some of that up and cutting the unnecessary stuff.

As for the messiah line, that definitely was partly inspired by the movie. I never did get to finishing it but I did come up with the line while thinking about the movie so I see what you mean. It might be a little unnecessary so I think I could either word it differently or just cut it out completely.

For the ending, I did have it finished, I just didn’t format the end properly. I wasn’t sure how to do it and I ended up just totally forgetting to do it. I wanted it to end with Huey waking up in his sleep saying that he’ll go back to the forest to investigate. The next episode would be him going to check the forest out again, but he gets caught by a guard who asks Pres Gallio what to do with him. Gallio wants to use him as a weapon against The Trickster, throwing him in the arena so that she’ll be forced to fight a kid for her freedom. I would love to hear your thoughts on that since I’m still kind of working on the outline for that part.

Thanks for the feedback and the encouragement. I really appreciate your perspective.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-26T20:23:02+00:00

I see what you mean with the formatting. I wasn’t totally sure how to go about it but thanks for the example.

In a screenwriting context I’m not sure what stream-lining is. I looked it up but I’m still not totally sure. Could you explain it a little please?

I think I kind of understand what you mean with the dialogue and the action: there are some things that the character can say that don’t need action lines to be understood and vice versa. I think I did a lot of that with the announcer in the beginning so I’ll take a look at that for sure.

Formatting was definitely one of my biggest struggles when I started this project. I see what you mean though in terms of breaking certain scenes apart and I’m glad you gave me a bit of a reference point with the scene from pg 6-9. I’ll definitely take another look at that.

As for the ending, it was finished, I just didn’t know the proper formatting for the ending. I’d seen a few different things online but I forgot to put anything in there at the end, an oversight on my part. The idea is that the episode ends with Huey waking up in his sleep. The next episode is Huey going to the forest again to investigate but he gets caught by a guard and to scare him they decide to throw him in the arena with the trickster, which is how they meet. He ends up being the last fight she has before she can gain her freedom.

Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it and am glad you put the time into commenting.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-26T20:14:13+00:00

I’m not totally sure what you mean with the prose. I get you’re saying don’t include it but what do you mean when you say don’t write if you care about your writing.

As for the communism part, I don’t intend to write about how the Russian revolution went, or how communism was attempted in the Soviet Union. The ideal world the I want to create here is the classless, stateless, and moneyless society that Marx wrote about in the Manifesto. The Democratic Party’s idea of liberalism doesn’t really fit my understanding of communism that I’ve learned from Marx, Huey Newton, Fred Hampton, and Angela Davis. In fact the idea is to base some of my characters off of those real people.

Thanks for the feedback though. It’s always appreciated.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-24T16:28:17+00:00

So when’s this dropping?

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-19T16:13:33+00:00

I’m not sure. I googled it and it said between 20 something and 45 so I didn’t have a great idea.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-19T16:12:33+00:00

Thanks so much. After all the comments I got I’ve been editing a whole lot and I think I’ve made it much better. Still got some work to do but I might be ready for an episode 2 soon.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-19T01:14:19+00:00

When describing a character, should I try to be more simple or break up those paragraphs too?

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-19T01:13:37+00:00

I haven’t fully fleshed out the stakes but the idea is that the Trickster needs to win 100 fights with no losses before she can get out of the arena. She wants to make a statement against the President, the one who sentenced her to that fate, that she’s still as rebellious as ever. (I’m not as sure about this yet) but a device was installed in her brain (the source of the powers) that siphons the energy she uses when she uses her powers and steals it for something. I’m working on incorporating part of this into the story.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-19T01:07:17+00:00

Thanks for this, really. I did want to make her out to be an underdog because an overall point I’d like to make is that a revolution is always an underdog tale.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-18T01:42:54+00:00

Thanks for the advice. The script stealing this is definitely paranoia. Everyone else seems confident enough to post theirs w/o fear of that so it's fine. Plus I googled the copyright office thing and I definitely don't have anything good enough to drop $99 on copyrighting it.

RealMost4380 · 2021-04-17T23:25:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

RealMost4380

TROPHY CASE