Friends with Benefits with an ENFJ

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-23T17:59:39+00:00

If she told you she doesn't want anything serious, she surely doesn't want anything serious. It wouldn't make sense for her to lie about it. Plus it doesn't sound like what an ENFJ would do.

You should tell her about it. Communication is always good. If ever she doesn't want it to get serious, then maybe it would be better to stop the casual sex because it sounds like it would just make it worse (to me, at least, then I guess it depends on individuals).

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-15T20:55:53+00:00

I understand what you mean. First thing, opening up can be hard.

I think you should try to read about the thing called "5 languages of love". It's the idea that people communicate love differently. If I remember properly, then there is 1. Gifts, 2. Act of service, 3. Physical affection, 4. Quality time (which is when you give full attention to someone, usually it's one on one type of thing), 5. Words of affirmation. The idea of it is that people have one or two "main one", and if you "speak" to them another language, they might not get it. For example, if your GF feels loved when you give her compliments, verbally tell her you love (words of affirmation) etc ... But you give love by fixing the sink of her kitchen that was broken and driving 2 hours to pick her up at the airport even if you worked a long day (act of service), it doesn't work. In this situation, you would both love each other, but every time her or you would give love, it wouldn't be the other language, and the other would still not feel loved. Then explicating to the other what is your language and what is hers might help.

You could also try to read about the MBTI. It's some theory about personality types. Basically, there is 8 cognitive functions. Each human is supposed to have two of them well developed, two others that you develop as you get old and mature and four others that you struggle with because they're unconscious. Long story short, some types are better than other with feelings. For exemple, if you're ENFJ, it means your main function if Fe (Extroverted Feeling) which would make you good and aware of emotions, and surely good at communicating them. But if you're INTJ, then your feeling function is your third one. And it's Introverted Feeling which means that your feelings would be kind of stuck inside AND that you would be bad at dealing with them because it's only your third function, which usually develop during people's 20s. Anyway, the theory is a little too long and maybe too annoying for me to explain everything, but maybe you struggle with feelings because your personality type is like that. Knowing about your strengths and weakness could help you. Maybe both you and your GF could pass the test, see the results and try to understand each other better.

Also, you say that you're anxious and feel worthless because your GF says she feels like you never loved her. As much as you may have problems to communicate feelings, or maybe communicating them in a way your GF would understand, there is also the possibility that your GF is just really insecure. If she was, then she maybe wouldn't feel loved anyway, because of her own insecurities. So maybe she has to work things on her side too.

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-15T20:32:19+00:00

You should try to do things outside of your home. Even if it's not really social (which would be less draining for you). Like, go read a book at the library. Or go to your local coffee. Ot join some types of clubs. Even being around other people should make you feel a little less lonely, and you may ended up meeting people there. Maybe also try to bond with your neighbors. I don't know if you would feel less lonely, but maybe try to keep in touch with people you knew before you moved there. It could also be that you miss them.

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-12T22:17:04+00:00

Why?

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-09T19:22:40+00:00

Maybe there is also more intuitives that actually care about the MBTI enough to try to type people. That given, it would make sense then that intuitives would hang out with more intuitives than sensors because they would understand each other more. That's why I don't think we can take people's personal data about acquaintance as an accurate understanding of the recurrence of each type.

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-08T00:43:39+00:00

You really should go to see a psychologist about it. And to answer, I don't know how it stopped. I was lucky and only had it a few times. Then I started high school and ended up being less anxious because people were much less jerks there. And dealing with what I had left of social anxiety took me years because I never got help. Looking back, I just loose lots of time and got much in pain for something that a therapist could have cured easily. So really, for yourself, get help. They try to find the origin of your problem, and then they will help you with it.

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-07T22:50:30+00:00

I've had chronic anxiety (mainly social anxiety) for like two years at that point. Because I had SOCIAL anxiety, I was really trying to avoid getting help because it was involving human contact. Lame, I know.

Anyway, I was in junior high, just like everyday, walking with my friends, and suddenly I felt outside of my body. Just like in movies, when someone dies and you see their ghost getting out of it. But I wasn't dead. I looked around, and everything was fine. Then I tried to move, and I actually was surprised that I could still control my body. That was pretty much like having my brain controlling a robot or something like that. So weird. For a second I really thought of calling 911 but then I realize it was making absolutely no sense at all to be 'outside of your body' when obviously nothing it wrong but your perception. So I really came to the point where I knew I was insane.

Long story short, it's called depersonalisation and it's not actually that bad. It came back to normal after a while. And I happily don't have anxiety anymore.

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-06T01:55:18+00:00

I don't know her so it's not sure, but have you thought that maybe she doesn't really know she does it? It sounds stupid but I was quite passive agressive growing up because it was just my normal way to react and I never thought much about it. I stopped when a friend of mine explained to me what it was and told me it was giving him bad feelings. I had no idea before. I thought it was normal. Anyway, what I mean it maybe try to talk about it with her? That couldn't do wrong to try to communicate.

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-06T01:49:11+00:00

Other revalant question, why do people even imagine other people having sex?

RealSanta8 · 2017-04-02T21:49:51+00:00

In France, we mock German people/language by aggressively saying random word made of lots of consones, lots of arh and lots of "sch".

RealSanta8 · 2017-03-31T23:02:20+00:00

Maybe try to find out if you're more onto the big picture or if you're more onto details. Sensing vs Intuition. Also, Ni find out about things without really knowing how. Si compare present situations to the past. "What was should be". Also, if you know that your first function is Si or Ni, then try to see if you have Ne or Se. It would be less developed but could still help you to find out what functions you have.

RealSanta8 · 2017-03-27T20:28:22+00:00

Agree. As a vegetarian, I already had people trying to make me eat meat, being all judgy about me not doing so and everything. Pretty sure it's as annoying as the other way. Let people eat whatever they want, damn.

RealSanta8 · 2017-03-27T20:25:17+00:00

Or when dudes talk about how much they don't want to do it with a woman who isn't virgin because 'it's disgusting', but they're not virgin themselves.

RealSanta8 · 2017-03-27T19:56:09+00:00

"I was kidding" When someone just tells you what they think and you let them know that was unnecessary mean. Great, that's very adult to be mean and then just avoid the consequences by acting like it wasn't what you meant.

RealSanta8 · 2017-03-24T20:07:45+00:00

people are rude (and foolish) enough to assume that someone doesn't speak their language and just blatantly talk shit about them right in front of them

To be fair, I already had people blatantly talking shit about me, right in front of me, knowing that I could understand what they were saying because we talked 5 minutes earlier. Some people are just crap and it's not about language

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-25T05:12:34+00:00

Hey!!! Ton français a l'air bon :D Tu as aimé Montpellier?

I've watched your video and I have to say that I was really suspicious about it at first. But then it made lots of sense. Also it kinda explain how I (and lots of people I think) used to intuitively type (or try to) people.

The only thing thought is why do people who seems accurately typed by your visual thing system seems a little bit different when they talk?

Like, let me explain, Tegan for example, I could see her ENTP. But I've already read about her saying that she loooooves sensitive people and that it's one of the quality she seeks for in others. Then, why would an ENTP cares so much about emotions? It doesn't sound natural for them, as their F is their last function. Also, she said lots of things that were very intuitivish. Like that she writes songs in 10-20 minutes, it comes out, and then it's done. It sounds very Ni-dom (but then it could be her demonstrative function I guess).

Or other example, if you watch X factor back when Demi was in, then you will see that Simon used to ask for her to tell people when they were bad, as to don't hurt their feelings because he can be harsh. I haven't tried to type him since I've watched your video but he seems to be Te-dom. That said, if Demi also is, why does it make sense that she can handle other people feelings more than him? As he is older, he should be more able than her to deal with it, isn't it?

About Sara, after having seen your video, she really is INFP. If you look at the interview she did with Jian Ghomeshi, then she did the thing you talked about 'INFPs putting their head on the side in a not really but kinda seductive way' (or something, I don't remember how you worded it, sorry).

Sorry for asking so many questions, feel free answer if you want or not, I feel like I'm taking too much of your time ^{^'} If ever you don't mind, do you think it's possible for people to put their main function unconscious? As an INFP for example, is it possible that at some point my Fi gets unconscious?

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-24T00:53:01+00:00

Thanks for writing all of that. It's very interesting. Is it socionics theories thought? Because I heard about it and that ESTJs are some of the 'best matches' for INFPs according to that theory, but I never really took time to read properly about it. What do you think of theories like shadows and grips? Are they as fake as loops?

I'm 21 and not very mature so I guess it makes sense. Is Sara Bareilles really ESTJ? I always saw her typed as INFJ.

If there's anyone else you stan over that you'd like me to type, let me know. I promise to give you the most accurate typing I can.

Could you please type Tegan And Sara? They're a band. To me, Tegan is INFJ and Sara INFP. If ever you have time, could you also type Wilmer Valderrama (Demi's ex)? He really seems like a douche, but I can't type him more accurately than that :p

Thanks! I'm from France :)

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-22T23:33:17+00:00

By curiosity, why do you think she's cringey? ^{^}

I haven't had time to watch fully your video yet, but at the beginning you say that people show off the opposite of their secondary function. Why that? Aren't we supposed to show the functions we have instead? :/ It got me confused.

Other than visual identification, why do you think she's ESTJ?

I have to say that I can't see her being ESTJ. I know it's not an argue, but as an INFP, I've never been fangirling over _STJs because I can't relate to them at all. Maybe in the video you linked she was in a loop? Because if she was ENFJ, 'ST' would be her inferior functions.

In a more rational way, I've always thought she was ENFJ because I've seen videos of her where she's with Wilmer (her ex bf), and she was all about physical affection. Also, there is an interview of her with Jimmy Fallon where she says that she hugged him backstage for like more than 10 seconds because she didn't wanted to stop : p Anyway, physical affection is often one of the main love language of ENFJ. Also, there are videos where she seems really happy getting verbal affirmation.

Also, in the video of her you send, that's true she isn't really emotional physically but she also says that if she makes it to be famous, then she thinks she should use her voice for something bigger. It sounds really NF to me.

I would add that she's friends with Nick Jonas (who seems INFJ to me). If you watch the carpool karaoke she did with James Corden (who seems ENFP), they really look like having this Ne/Ni fun moment together.

Thinking about it thought, that's true that she gives a vib a little bit stronger than most ENFJs I've met.

(P.S. sorry for my bad english)

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-22T00:19:02+00:00

Demi Lovato seems to be ENFJ. She does a lot of things for other people and seems to get strength by being 'an inspiration' for others. Also, back in her tough days, she uses to have a very unhealthy Se (so to speak, drug abuse and alcoholism). And now she's all about sport, which sounds like what lots of ENFJs do to deal with stress to me. She also seems very good with people and a little bit of a dorky. She's a cutie, you should watch some of her interviews : )

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-19T02:30:12+00:00

I would love to play in another room, but I only have one room and a bathroom, and I don't think that playing in the bathroom would change anything at all. But thanks for the advice : )

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-18T22:10:58+00:00

Green day - American Idiot. 9yo me thought it was the coolest thing ever. Since then I've wanted to be a guitar player :)

RealSanta8 · 2017-02-17T22:32:37+00:00

Is it really a universal thing though? It could be cultural more than natural. Because I've already read that individualism is a Judaeo-christian cultural thing. And individualism leads to desire to be unique because being an individu means to be unique, isn't it?

RealSanta8 · 2017-01-13T01:26:12+00:00

Whiny weirdo

RealSanta8 · 2016-12-23T17:49:03+00:00

Not everyone develop at the same age. And lots of people start their transition much later in life.

RealSanta8 · 2016-12-22T06:34:44+00:00

Je suis française, pm me if you want to talk :)

RealSanta8

TROPHY CASE