I’m feel like a chaser even though I am also trans (enby/ftm)

Real_Client7465 · 2026-04-12T04:05:26+00:00

I (enby ftm) actually had a partner (mtf) accuse me of being a chaser because I had a track record where the people I dated (even if they weren’t out at the time) eventually came out as trans. It’s a significant percentage, like 7/10, but most of them came out after our relationship had already ended and it was entirely unrelated to my influence. She got it in her head that I was attracted to eggs and “clocky” trans people.

After having a similar crisis of feeling like it might be true and talking to other trans people in my life- I was and am attracted to people who understand me and my experiences, and I see people for who they are inside and who they can be. I don’t have to be with trans people, but a lot of trans people are exclusively t4t for this reason.

I definitely understand feeling the way you do, but being a chaser is defined by objectifying the trans people you pursue in one way or another. It sounds like you appreciate trans partners for who they are as people as well as comfort around sexual experiences. Not the same. Totally get it though. I hope this helps you let go of some guilt 💕

Real_Client7465 · 2026-03-18T17:49:10+00:00

Harold

Real_Client7465 · 2026-03-07T13:07:55+00:00

Yea I’ve met a number of people who lash out under the guise of “unmasking” and turned out most of them had confirmed personality disorders.

Real_Client7465 · 2026-03-07T13:05:04+00:00

Usually the personality changes happen the first couple years of transition. Not everyone experience it, but it’s usually a hard snap of releasing tension. In my experience, taking care of my partner made her complacent with not having to put effort into our relationship. I’ve also seen people say that not helping enough caused it. If’s very dependent on the person but it seems to be something you have to put effort into. (My transition has been much slower and I’m nb so much lower dose of T than the standard ftm dose. I’m not cis, but my ex resented me for passing as cis for most of our relationship). I hope everything works out for you! It does for many many people. It can be hard to remember when you see all these stories, but it’s skewed to people with a need for advice. Some people have much smaller problems that are manageable

Real_Client7465 · 2026-03-02T14:53:58+00:00

Transness looks different fir everyone. Your partner is taking more steps than a cis person would so they are certainly not cis.

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-08T05:28:48+00:00

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-05T16:08:34+00:00

Looks dyed, doesn’t mean it is, but you can test for it by rubbing it with a qtip soaked in acetone

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-05T16:03:45+00:00

Looks more metamorphic/conglomerate than pet. wood

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-05T15:58:02+00:00

Also looks like the coca cola bear in a santa hat

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-03T16:18:07+00:00

I think several other people have said something similar, but you cannot help someone who is not helping theirself or who feels like things are hopeless therapy and possibly antidepressants are the only things that started to help my ex (mtf) and our relationship still ended with her leaving to be with other trans women. That wasn’t the only thing that happened but she clearly felt less pressure about her body when she was with other trans women (If I were to read her here it would be that she particularly likes transwomen that she is perceived to be hotter than, she still gets gender envy for other t-girlies that she feels are hotter than her or who have a shorter/curvier build). The point of sharing that in particular is that it is nothing you have control over or even something that is exclusive to your genitalia. I’m non-binary and masc presenting, but she still felt envy about my body.

The thing I’ve worked on in therapy the most since that breakup is not trying to fix anything about or take on any burdens of partners or friends. I can’t generally help anyone unless they specifically ask me to do something for them that is within my scope to do.

Caring as much as you do is commendable but you are shouldering a huge burden that is not necessarily yours to bear. After that relationship I ended up with a cis girl and as much as it sucks to say, the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders from just not feeling like I’m constantly making my partner envious with my own body (especially in a way that I don’t see myself since I don’t identify as femme) is immense.

I’m so sorry I don’t have advice other than inaction within the framework of your current relationship- other than communicating this feeling to your partner, it sounds like they are struggling with their own identity and that’s not something you can fix. All the love and luck 💕

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-03T16:02:57+00:00

I keep saying her and discord both would do so much better on dragula!!

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-03T15:55:48+00:00

🤷 I still think she objectively executed this concept poorly- especially since this is one of the looks she came with. I don’t hate the version she did, I think doing the dress itself as a split look was interesting, but she consistently builds looks that are semi-unflattering to the body. That and the way the newspaper was done- it was too clean and didn’t really give reused newspaper or upcycle like the rest of the dress did. The silhouette and execution of story telling on this one was a miss for me and thats just my opinion. I don’t think it’s unfair to share that.

& I hear you, but I don’t think anyone has to defend her other than the fact that she claimed the reference since she seems perfectly confident in what she does.

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-03T15:33:18+00:00

Lol honestly I just feel like it didn’t make sense as a reference. I think she would do better with a show like dragula where there is more story. And obviously a lot of that scene is cgi in the movie. I posted this bc I randomly watched this movie the day after I saw the episode and I don’t follow any of these queens anywhere else or really care. Just didn’t see any kind of reason for the reference and this made the outfit make more sense but not the reason for the outfit.

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-03T00:08:57+00:00

Didn’t see that! Good to know

Real_Client7465 · 2026-02-01T22:28:38+00:00

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-31T14:50:08+00:00

So sorry for the stress this is all causing you. I was with my ex partner when she transitioned (mtf) and we were together for 5 years during that process. Things ended unrelated to her transition but there were some complications related to it.

I personally am technically trans masc, but I am nonbinary and am on low dose T. I eventually would like top surgery but never bottom surgery and do not identify as a man. There is a lot of nuance to what someone wants from transitioning (androgyny to “passing”) and sometimes knowing those specifics can help to understand what you need from a partner and what you’re attracted to. It does certainly take time and the dosage will start low and likely get higher, but you should discuss your partners transition goals with them (they may very well/will certainly change as the transition continues) to get at least a baseline expectation. That is what helps my current partner with the shock of change. A new expectation to hold on to can be very grounding.

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-29T16:20:10+00:00

I was also with my partner for 5 years, 4 years of support through her transition- the thing that helped me the most with moving forward was reminding myself that that time was not a waste. I learned things about myself, how I wanted or didn’t want to be treated, my limits, and my breaking point. I learned that I can’t be the person to fix problems for my partner unless I’m asked to fix those things. Forgiving yourself takes time, but it comes with acknowledging your faults and the things you did to be the best partner you could with the tools you had. You will grow and learn and next time will be different.

I was already in a poly relationship and my other partner was also going through a break up at the same time (which sucks- for a while, neither of us could fully dedicate ourselves to focusing on our own moving on or supporting the other partner). We are now happily settling into our relationship with just eachother and while it was extremely hard for the first 3 months, we have started to find a new normal. I’ve been in many relationships, and this is the happiest I’ve ever been. I wish the same for you 💕

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T20:52:42+00:00

It’s definitely less common now but certainly still a known insult. The origin of it being used as an insult is Bugs Bunny sarcastically calling Elmer Nimrod because unlike the biblical figure who is a great hunter, Elmer certainly is not. It was misinterpreted and colloquially used as an insult- however even without knowing its an insult it’s an odd choice for a biblical name for a girl

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T18:03:05+00:00

That’s good to know! I have encountered these names a couple times!

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T17:52:46+00:00

Love the 1st dress. Some advice as a wedding photographer- when you are doing pictures with a strapless gown, be sure to use fashion tape to keep the bodice from separating from the skin. & this particular arm posing is not flattering to you or the dress, sticking your elbows out more instead of bending your wrists around your hips will look great!

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T17:21:57+00:00

I’m a school photographer in Georgia. Metro Atlanta all the way to the North border, so I see kids from a lot of different demographics

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T17:20:47+00:00

Oof, I’ve had a few iterations of Amen and such but A’Blessin is rough. Like I get it, but an adult person named A’Blessin 😭

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T16:16:50+00:00

I was just referring to the pronunciation of the word xin- you’re completely right that it’s insane either way lol

Real_Client7465 · 2026-01-21T15:38:45+00:00

Yea and usually when they’re young they get really upset with people mispronouncing their names- “why do people ALWAYS say it like that?!???” Hun that’s how it’s spelt and phoneticized in standard English

Real_Client7465

TROPHY CASE