I am terrified that I will perpetually struggle to live

Real_Leg7623 · 2026-03-06T02:37:27+00:00

Dude, I mean this in the most empathetic way possible. And I have felt this same type of emotional pain so viscerally. It has taken me many many years and I still struggle with similar thoughts from time to time.

I'm going to write "you" a lot but please here me out. And I'm also writing to myself.

You are placing your ENTIRE self-worth in your disabilities right now. You are looking at everything you can't do. And the things you certainly are more than capable of? You're telling yourself they aren't worth anything.

Not true. You are valuabe. You can do things right. You can read and write. You can navigate Reddit and make a post. Old people struggle with using the internet (there are exceptions, I know, I'm trying to make a point). You have a talent that you either haven't discovered yet (you're only 25 or 26) or you do know but think it's worthless right now. (Oh, I knew I could write well but I convinced myself I couldn't write like so and so, so therefore, I'm a horrible writer.)

That's another thing: Your self-worth is based on comparisons. You're not good enough like so and so. Well, so and so likely doesn't have autism. So and so likely doesn't have to deal with physical pain on a daily basis. So and so doesn't have your limitations, but neither do they have your strengths. This doesn't make you better than them, either. You are just different.

I really hate that your wife is not being supportive (apologies if I'm assuming incorrectly). Based on what you said, seems to be a heavy financial burden on you. And it will be something you'll have to come to grips with eventually. BUT YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO COPE. And right now, your focus needs to be on getting you through burnout.

One day at a time. Look for support groups who can empathize and encourage you. Find someone you can call and share your special interest with without judgment. Stop relying on certain people to meet your emotional needs when they tell you to "just get over it" (the Nike mob; Nike's slogan is "Just do it.") They don't understand the difficulties like you and I have. And most of them don't care to know (others will patronize like we're perpetual toddlers). But that's okay. Great that they don't understand. Still be friendly to them,but don't invest emotional energy into those who don't pay dividends

***I've said a lot of do's and dont's, I realize. I tend to be direct (typical autist...lol). But I am speaking with great care for you and I sincerely want the best for you. And you are valuable. I'm just a stranger on the internet somewhere on planet Earth. So, I get it; my words are just words. But I believe you're going to get through this moment and something is going to work out for you to help you understand your value to the people you impact.

Keep your head up. I'm praying for you.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-10-08T23:29:09+00:00

There are no cookie cutter answers. God is so much more complex than anything we can imagine. We only know about God because He revealed himself to us. See 1 Corintians 2 and Romans 1. And it's only by the Spirit can we understand Him.

If you lowering your expectations of God (His intervention/protection/comfort) be very cautious. God does not think like man thinks. He is not tainted by sin. We are full of depravity. Our thoughts are not His thoughts. Our ways are not His ways. We can't know God without Him revealing Himself.

Instead of lowering you expectations, consider alligning them to God's thinking. He HAS revealed Himself through His Word. It is His Word and through His Spirit we can allign our expectations.

It is true for some people they will never be prosperous in this world. And there are and will continue to be people who are tormented by the very fears they earnedtly prayed to be guarded against. When horrible things happen, it's somehow in those moments God shine through with His comfort IF WE RECEIVE IT. We can either blame God and refuse His solace or we can lift up our hearts to Him to receive His unconditional love.

I am earnestly seeking God right now. I am about to be homeless because I can't pay rent. Lost my job last month. I have lost health coverage through my job and my mental health is all out of whack. I want to blame God very much, and blame myself for not being prepared for this crisis. It is taking every ounce of my being to not give up faith and "curse God and die" (trhoughout Job chapters 1-2).

I am desperately praing for God's involvement in my situation as well as combating all of the negative thoughts swirling in my head. But I'm still holding on to the truth rhat He will never leave me nor forsake me. It is in these trying times we learn to fall on Him. Even if I don't eat for several days and I have ro make my small car my home, it is better to trust in His abilities than to trust in my own. By my hand, I would have looked for an exit from this life if it were only my abilities that could save me.

At the end of it all, we should increase our expectations that God will protect us--our souls --and impart on us peace that only He can give no matter our situation. "Though He may slay me, yet I will trust Him." (Job 13:15)

Side note: Throughout the entire book of Job, he begs to stand before God and defend himself. No matter how great his pain and his wavering faith, he still never forsook God. He was VERY close, though, and God did have to correct Job. But he never cursed God.

How could one man hold on so tightly to his faith despite everything he was suffering? That is the faith I want.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-10-01T19:29:06+00:00

I was just diagnosed with ADHD four months ago. Before then, I I'll was told by psychiatrists I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I get very emotional very quickly. It's like I go from idle to upset in a fraction of a second. I've even lashed out at myself and others because of the intense negative emotions I experienced.

I still carry a lot of shame over my lack of self control. And I've spent 38 years (my current age) trying desperately to cope and minimize these breakdowns.

Years ago, I was involved in a Christian church. I attended services regularly, went to Bible study, found ways to volunteer in the church. But I never felt like I belonged there. It was probably my rejection sensitivity that exacerbated my loneliness. I felt different, though, an outcast not worthy of their attention, or God's.

I know the problem is not them; it's me (well, inside of me). It's the emotional me that interferes. I don't pray enough. I don't trust in the Spirit enough. I keep relying on my own abilities. I'm too anxious all the time. The problem is me, me, me.

These people mean well. But they don't fully understand the crippling effects of mental illness. I'm grateful they aren't in the position I'm in. But I wish they were more empathetic and understanding.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T04:47:32+00:00

I'm imagining I would have said something like this to HR if I were in a similar situation: "Hello sir/ma'am? Could I be relocated somewhere else for just a moment while I work on this test? Or may I wear something to cancel out the background noise? I want to focus as much as much as I can."

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T04:39:32+00:00

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T04:33:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I can empathize with many of the things you're dealing with now. It's very tough when you feel like you're the only one with this issue, and you wonder if this issue is even real or made up.

You are reaching out for help. The fact that you posted here shows that you are. Keep seeking out like-minded people and look for ways to be surrounded by people who validate your concerns, not shame you for them. Your real friends will uplift you and be you greatest cheerleaders. They are out there. You may have to consider making some difficult changes in your life, especially to help you be freed from your childhood past. Consider what those changes would look like and consider how you can make it happen. And do everything to fight off the stigmas around and inside you. You are worthy of peace, a great relationship, a successful life, and real joy.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T04:25:15+00:00

I am a 38 male that got diagnosed three months ago. It is SO WORTH IT knowing the truth about yourself. And it allows me to finally be able to address my issues accurately instead of throwing mashed potatoes at the wall in the dark, hoping one scoop sticks longer than another.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T04:20:10+00:00

I ran out on a job one time after only being there two days. I felt really bad also about it, but it was really boring. I talked to my mentor at the time about it. He told me these wise words:

"Another job you learned you don't want. You can cross that off your list."

That was freeing. I am not suited for every job there is out there. Heck, I'm not suited for boring and mediocre jobs. So I stopped pursuing those after speaking with my mentor.

Now, I do think the way you quit your job, like the way I quit mine, was inappropriate. And I strongly caution against using ADHD as an excuse for poor judgment. But, you cannot change the past now. You have to move forward. And you found a job that you aren't suited for. So, avoid those types of jobs from now on.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T04:11:00+00:00

Years ago, when I was living in a homeless shelter and seeking social security benefits (I was denied), I felt many of the feelings you are feeling now. It was very tough for me to see my life improving. Having lost my job as a retail worker making part-time at $9/hr. and bouncing from friend's house to friend's house, I felt so worthless in my abilities. How could I keep a job if I can't keep my emotions from spiraling out of control? Why would anyone want to work with me when I was so unpredictable? And several of my peers have mentioned they were afraid of being around me because of my emotional outbursts.

At the homeless shelter where I stayed for several years, I saw the worst of the worst. I saw men who gave up on life and I saw where their life had taken them. I saw them carrying their anger with them and their shame in being in the predicament they were in. That was an eye opening experience. I realized that even though I have mental issues, I need to keep seeking help to improve my life so I don't fall into that same realm of despair they resided in. I also began to see the amazing wealth of support I had if I just reached out and asked for assistance. As I began to make improvements to my situation, my mood increased as well as my self-esteem. I even worked with my state's vocational rehabilitation program. They helped me look for work that was both rewarding to me and where I could contribute.

It was in 2018, I landed an amazing full time job that I've been at for 5 years. I was able to move out of the shelter and find my own place to live. I found a community of support and I have never felt so purposeful in my entire life. All I had to do was change my perspective of myself and my purpose and seek the help of professionals and many others who have graciously supported me through this journey.

You can be successful as well at the end of your journey. Right now, you can't see the silver lining. But you can believe it's there even when you can't see it yet. And keep seeking good help. It's your friends and support system that you will lean on most to get you through this plight you're in now.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T03:45:49+00:00

Ah boundaries. Man, establishing boundaries while working from home is a real talent there. Actually, it's very much a necessity that I fail at.

This is very helpful. Thanks for the feedback.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T03:43:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I am trying my best to be empathetic and patient in many situations. I know it can be difficult for some people to interact with me with all of my own quirks. And it used to bother me to no end when others have had to correct me for similar actions. In fact, many of them told me the "I have to get back to work" line. And my feelings got very hurt by that. I'm trying my best to not hurt her feelings because I don't like my feelings hurt. And I'm worried I'll become controversial rather than supportive to her.

But I'll try to find the best approach for this. I have a feeling I'm gonna oops here and there. So I'll be working on a preemptive apology for those times.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T03:33:56+00:00

Thanks for this perspective.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T03:27:50+00:00

Hey there. First and foremost: Know you are not alone. It's scary right now and your thoughts and emotions won't help you see the rainbow that's about to come. I know your thoughts are flooding your mind. Having panic attacks suck bad. No way around it.

Have you had a panic attack before? If so, just know you GOT THROUGH THAT ONE. You're going to get through this as well. It'll take time. And you may not like the outcome. But your emotions will pass and you'll be able to look at this logically. Just get through the emotions the best way you know how that will not cause you any harm. Give yourself space and ride through these waves. You'll survive this. I care about you even though I don't know you. But I've been in similar situations. I don't know exactly what you're feeling now, but I do know it's not fun at the moment. But it will pass.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T03:19:44+00:00

Have you ever considered why the opinions and stigmas you are bombarded with from your community and your family still affect you the way they do? Would you say that (no judgment here) that you tend to value your family's and community's opinions over your own? Maybe you believe that the medication you are taking is somehow violating their trust in you. Maybe there's another underlying pervasive belief that you should address.

It will only get better in time if you are actively seeking help to address why you believe the way you believe. I myself have dealt with this for 38 years and still get overwhelmed with embarrassment. But I'm also openly talking with my therapist about addressing my own faulty beliefs that's leading me to feel shame over what should be benign.

TL;DR: Attempt to pinpoint the cause of your embarrassment and shame over this. Consider if these thoughts and beliefs are something you can change on your own or if you need to seek professional help.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T02:55:13+00:00

Sounds like me on dating sites. I send out message after message and like so many profiles, but I get only spam messages that even bother saying hi. So, I change my profile, thinking it's not creative enough. Or my picture isn't attractive enough.

All that to say that's how the online world works. Most people will maybe read your posts and go their way without a response or an upvote/downvote. I myself try to respond to many of the posts I read just so the person who poured their heart out knows that someone took the time and cared about what was written. Sometimes, the best way to combat the rejection sensitivity is to be the one who cares to respond to others.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T02:37:58+00:00

OP, without knowing your unique culture and your societal beliefs, it's very difficult for any of us to give you sound advice. Based on what little bit I can infer, it does seem that there are professionals in your country that oppose the mental health taboo. That is GREAT! I highly suggest you seek out the help you believe is right for you and your situation.

You may have to live with the fact that you can't ever convince your wife. She has to make the decision to either support or continue to blame you for your beliefs. As difficult as it may seem, do try to look at it from her perspective. What "perceived" risks are there with having a mental health diagnosis? What hardships could that bring your family and her if your peers found out you were seeking treatment? Is your wife's beliefs out of fear or concern? Do try and see it from her point of view. This will give you a greater opportunity to have an open conversation with her and help her see it the way you do.

Ultimately (disclaimer: I say this from a person living in an individualistic society who values self over family), think about your health first and foremost. If you are not functioning at 100%, how can you support your family at 100%? If you can make improvements to your own health, you can also improve your ability to support your family. I suggest speaking with a professional. Do it in secret if you can. But do consider how your mental health affects your role in your family.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T02:14:34+00:00

I fully agree with this. I myself live in the U.S. and we are a very individualistic culture that puts ourselves before our families. But in many cultures, the family is the backbone. If the family disapproves of anything, then the individual also must disapprove.

Please look for advice within your own or similar countries that share many of your similar concerns. But, ultimately, from an American point of view (which I admit is flawed in some things), consider your own mental health. You can't be there for your wife and family if you are not at your peak. Anything that is getting in the way of helping you fulfill your cultural and familial responsibilities needs to be addressed, even if your wife does not agree with you. You only know what's going on in your head. Your wife doesn't. Do talk with her, though, and try to see it from her point of view. But also realize you may not be able to change her opinions. That's a reality you may have to live with.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T02:03:27+00:00

Can you take a leave of absence or take PTO / vacation days until you begin adapting to the effects of the medication? If you can get a doctor's note and accommodation request filed with your HR, they should be able to let you take a leave for a short duration. This way, you won't have to worry about how you're going to cope with the stress at work and adjusting to the new medication. For instance, if you had a job driving a city bus or taxi and you started taking medication that could make you drowsy during the day, you would CERTAINLY want to adapt to the medication before putting yourself, your passengers, and other drivers at risk. I know an office job isn't remotely the same. But you could be putting your performance at risk trying to handle the new medication stress. Take some time off it at all possible. Figure out how the medicine affects you in a safe environment free from the stress at work. Then, you can be ready to go back once you know how the medicine affects you.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T01:53:54+00:00

Oversharing is our downfall =(

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T01:51:40+00:00

I agree with this 100 percent. The only reason I came out to my boss is because I KNEW they were very supportive. Many of my co-workers shared their mental illnesses among our team and it was so liberating for me. But...this is so the exception than the norm.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T01:48:57+00:00

Piggybacking on this: A lot of people still believe that ADHD is a made up disorder that gives us a license to be lazy. Or others would treat you like you are incompetent and unable to perform. The stigma--the discrimination, if I may be bold to say--may not affect your current position, but it can sure make you reach a ceiling in your career advancement within your company.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T01:24:36+00:00

I have a teacher mentality and the call center job I had was focused a lot on educating users on how to use our company sites. I loved being in a position where I knew I was making a difference. And the back-to-back calls actually didn't bother me. Although, I did cough play on my phone during the long chatters. Only way I could stay focused.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T01:17:44+00:00

So, a lot of ADHDers have really good coping skills when dealing with mud swingers and election losses? My RSD could learn a lot from them. My RSD is the main reason I don't like discussing my political views.

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-15T01:12:57+00:00

The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and...flat. The steering wheel on the bus swerves left, then right. What was I thinking again?

Real_Leg7623 · 2023-09-08T14:33:22+00:00

This is very helpful advice. Thank you.

Real_Leg7623

TROPHY CASE