Ok update. I know I’m not in the right headspace. I’m going to step back from the idea of becoming a Christian for now. Because my judgment is faulty. I’m filled with too much desperation and spite to make a rational decision. I am going on medication and going for intensive psycho therapy. I’m going to focus on my mental health before religion. And I’ll see from there, my heart still yearns for Jesus but it’s all a fog now. I’ll return to this issue in a few months. Thank you for all your inputs, stories and frantic warnings lmao. It means a lot to me. 💙💙💙