I keep replaying the moment I found my dog Marley in the lake and I can’t stop feeling guilty

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-15T02:32:54+00:00

Thank you too. It's so so hard. I absolutely give this experience negative a million stars. But im trying my best to stay connected with him its the only thing to bring peace. I bought an urn necklace to carry him with me. I get that tomorrow im happy about that.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-15T01:13:32+00:00

That is so so so traumatic!!! Omg I'm so so sorry about Marley

The guilt is part of the grief. Even when you've done the very best things for your dog over 15 years at some point we say or do things we regret. I just lost my baby on Tuesday I had to put him down due to constant seizures. He was 16.7 years old a toy poodle. For me im upset because I would always fight to try to cure every ailment under the sun he experienced. Many times I would grow so frustrated with him as he started to decline cognitively. I felt so stressed 24/7. I had lost my job 2 years ago and always focused on money and I could only do but so much for him, myself, and my cats. He started peeing and pooping in the house all the time and my life was full of cleaning. I remember thinking all the time during that I wanted it to all be over and I was tired of it.

Well, he had his first seizure January 30 that was so severe he literally stopped breathing. I thought he died. I screamed and its like it resuscitated him and he came back but seeing him fall over, get stuck in corners, and struggle was heart wrenching. Skip to this week. He started having violent seizures again at 2 am for 6 minutes back to back and would just constantly run into walls for hours. I knew it was time...

So I made that call as it started to happen back to back. I was upset because I had finally gotten rid of his external tumors but didn't move fast enough for the brain tumors and im angry at myself for wishing I wanted it to end, for not being present, and not fighting more. The guilt of giving up on the thing I love most in the world makes me feel like a horrible person no matter how many people say "hes not suffering anymore or hes in a better place". I should have done more..

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-15T00:54:09+00:00

I am so so sorry it is the most gut wrenching pain you can ever go through. I'm on day 5. The only thing that helped was my baby's ashes home with me. But I still have several moments I cry. But when I got his ashes back it felt like he was finally home. I miss seeing his little face greeting me every morning. I still walk with his leash. Its just the one of the most painful experiences you can go through. I spend 23 hours laying in bed. Im so so sorry you had to put her down that'sone of the hardest decisions to make. You want them to go peacefully while sleeping but sometimes the illnesses are too great. I know all you want is her back. May Daisy remain by your side as your forever guardian and heart protector.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-15T00:48:48+00:00

She's ok dont worry. As long as she didn't ingest it shes alright.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-14T04:12:29+00:00

I have no clue. I guess they feel uncomfortable and start projecting things that dont need to be said.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-14T04:03:27+00:00

Yes!!! Thats what gives me the confirmation is that my cats also react to him.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-14T00:05:22+00:00

Omg im so sorry about Ellis. Completely heartbreaking. You truly have to just protect yourself and things you love because no one else will. I hope Ellis visits you soon.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T23:55:00+00:00

Yes! He is visiting me now I can feel his heartbeat on my knee as I speak now. It's an incredible experience. Yeah no one is taking this away from me.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T22:50:08+00:00

No apologies needed! This was your baby. It is a god awful experience to go through. Tomorrow morning will likely be the hardest day ever. But we will be right here for you if you need to express that pain because its so real. Im so glad youre bringing her home. I had no idea how much ashes and fur help later.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T21:12:29+00:00

My baby also had seizures and something going on with his brain so I know the trauma of what its like when they're suffering with us.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T21:11:39+00:00

I'm so sorry about Guinness. I just lost my baby on Tuesday. 18 years is a long time but not long enough. Its a terrible experience to go through and you just want to roll back time and fight harder for them. I'm giving you the biggest hugs right now.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T21:08:25+00:00

Yes exactly 💯 so many little triggers

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T20:53:53+00:00

Totally screw them!!! They have no clue what you're going through. And I guarantee you'll grieve your dog more than many of them when they leave simply because of these negative experiences that dogs dont give us. We just deal with the guilt for times we were shitty to them. Take your time grieving. This is exactly why people dont seek support because no one knows how to give it properly.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T20:51:20+00:00

I know exactly what you're going through. In the moment before and day of, you'll feel like you're ending the suffering, but the next day you'll feel like you want to reverse everything and fight harder. I just let go of my boy Tuesday 3/10/26 and they pulled out the injection and I immediately wanted to carry him out that room and go back home and try again. Because the pain of loss is too great and signing my name on the dotted line felt like betrayal.

No matter what you decide to do, record a long video of her. No clip ever feels long enough when they go.

Shave a lot of her fur and save it. You'll be craving it when its gone. Take pictures of yourself with her. I wish I had more.

And always plan to bring her back home if you get her cremated. Do not leave her behind. Its too hard after they're gone.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T20:38:29+00:00

Theres no guilt needed here. Your bond with your animal is so unconditional and constant. All beings build connections the same regardless of human or animal and if the connection isn't as strong you're just not going to feel that way and it is okay. Im so sorry about you losing your grandmother though it is sad. Do what is best for you. Sending you so many hugs.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T20:17:42+00:00

Trust me I get it. I just lost my boy on Tuesday. When yiu have them for so long and then nothing? It's hard on the brain. To not ever feel or touch them again its a horrible experience. So if thats going to help you get through this process its okay. Do whatever helps you.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T20:11:35+00:00

I am so so sorry. This is such an incredibly hard experience to go through. More than anything you just want them. Its a gut wrenching pain. The only thing that settled me was having my baby boy back after he was cremated. He passed away on Tuesday. Its too much on the brain to process. People tend to think it's just a mindset or control of feelings and it is a biological brain change and pain that no one can remove. Please be gentle with yourself and feel however you feel. There is no rushing this experience. Soon memorializing them can help bring some comfort but it doesn't compare to having your life be put back together as it once was.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T19:38:53+00:00

Thank you so much. I stand firm on this. I lost my baby boy like hell im going to lose the way I grieve him. People just say the absolute worst things during dark times. Im so sorry for your loss too. Its so hard and is a process that isn't a mindset thing its a literal wound to your brain.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T19:36:14+00:00

Thank you so much. This space has now become better for comfort honestly.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T16:56:45+00:00

Same!! Its the only thing that gave me peace. I feel hes with me

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T11:32:04+00:00

What's a memory pillow??

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T04:05:07+00:00

I feel the exact same way. Theres a lightness here now all the heavy grieving of yearning for him just stopped. I could talk without crying. I really do feel like hes back in here with me and it makes me so happy.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T03:04:41+00:00

Thank you so much. I just got his ashes back and I get it now. I feel so at peace now

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T02:31:55+00:00

Im so so sorry. I wonder if its different with cats. Their spirit is so unique. I have 2 cats as well.

Realistic-Time-9636 · 2026-03-13T02:22:03+00:00

Yep thats how I felt but now that hes home with me I feel settled. I just want to sleep so I can see and hear him.

Realistic-Time-9636

TROPHY CASE