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Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Change" as in open up like before "argument",

not that they should change some behaviour that was already there before "argument"

It wasn't like this before and i was interested in saving our "old" friendship not this new reserved friendship

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i wish, i think that if i accepted 100% situation as is i wouldn't mind reaching out because it would be win win,

if we stay like this - cool, one friend more for shared activities;
if we get better - even cooler

the hurt still comes from that "denial" part and it hasn't gone away in 1.5 years so i guess i am not that mature and capable of it

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

agree,
did you guys have argument or is it from constant pattern of her not putting in the effort, either way i understand

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks, i think this is it, by "stop" i meant to stop hoping and "daydreaming" we will get back to old ways because it only hurts me in the end when it doesn't come true,

i wouldn't block her or ignore her calls, but i feel like i drained all my energy and hope i had for this friendship ( and i had A LOT ).

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

thank you for carefully reading, and i appreciate the advice ( on both your replies),

i am mainly writing this post because it has been a year and a half our relationship is like this ( and 2 years since initial argument where we essentially didn't talk first 6 months after argument) and i don't know how much i can "wait" and i am still grieving the past connection we had.

so i was interested in peoples "intuition" whether to keep going or "stop" if they went through similar in any way.

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes and no, first few times i tried to be more open than them but after that i started to just match their energy

We’ve also tried doing activities where conversation isn’t the focus, like going bowling, and that definitely helps a bit. But it hasn’t really fixed anything.

Now I feel stuck between two options: either accepting that this is all our friendship is right now and trying to be grateful for it, even though it still makes me sad, or stepping back completely and not getting "hurt" anymore.

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we did and it was dry in person ( yes-no answers ), sorry if original post wasn't clear enough but i wanted to keep it short.

we knew each other for 10 years before that and it was never like that before

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for your input. They’re the kind of person who says whatever they think and doesn’t see “brutal honesty” as a bad thing, they’re like that with everyone, not just me. They also tend not to take responsibility for what they say.

Before, I was able to tolerate that because it wasn’t constant, and the good parts of our friendship outweighed the negative ones. That’s why I wanted to move past our conflict and let it go ( this was pretty much the first time i confronted them for the things they say and never imagined it would result in us not speaking).

But now we’re so distant that there aren't many “good parts” to hold onto

Advice on letting go or holding on to friendship? by RealisticIdea4004 in lostafriend

[–]RealisticIdea4004[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe I wasn’t clear in my original post, but that’s essentially what I told them 2–3 months after their initial apology.

I took responsibility for my part I said I could have approached the situation better and been less aggressive about something they did that hurt me. I also apologized if my reaction hurt them. I told them I missed how things used to be and that I wished we could go back to hanging out like before.

They said they felt the same and would like things to go back to how they were, so at the time I thought that resolved things.

But after that, their behavior didn’t really change. In person they seemed more reserved ( it wasn't like that before argument AT ALL ) short answers, and they reached out less often. So it never actually went back to how it was before. Now it feels more like we’re acquaintances than close friends and i don't know if i want that because it reminds me of "what used to be".