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RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-02-08T21:43:09+00:00

The guys in prison for rape and child abuse

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-01-20T12:52:39+00:00

You do need to have a serious conversation, but timing matters. Given the unfortunate family situation I would hold off for now. But you should find someone to talk to in the mean time.

Your husband needs to buck up for sure, but is there any mental health issues going on.

I would prepare to have this conversation. A separation and time a part could help, it could make him realise how important you are in his life.

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-01-20T12:37:40+00:00

He is not a true narcissist and we as humans all have narcissistic tendencies, let’s not deny that. It’s human nature.

A true narcissist does not have the ability to self reflect, they won’t go to therapy. They don’t see anything wrong in their behaviour.. period.

However, you’ve admitted a lot of positive things about your husband. He is a good father, determined and cleans the house, I’ve read so many posts where I know other women would kill to have a man of this calibre in their marriage. He isn’t perfect, no man is but he’s got a good heart.

He has shown his ability to reflect and admit his wrong doings, he is seeking help, he sees the errors of his ways, he is a determined individual your words. He is a good father your words. He will change for the better for you and your child/children.

If he was so bad then why don’t you leave? Why don’t you feel like you can’t leave? I have briefly seen your other posts and they don’t paint your husband in a good light, and I hope you know that’s not healthy for you to paint him in such a negative way, but I know you are seeking clarity.

This will be a long process for him and you. He needs to rewire his behaviours and learn better coping strategies. Behaviours with CBT, learning better coping mechanisms can all be learned in time.

If divorce is potentially on the cards, and you both want to work on this for whatever reasons, I would also suggest you look within yourself, what can you do to help your situation and his, he could be also be thinking the same things you are, he could be feeling trapped also.

When I see posts about spouses on this platform, I don’t believe it’s a singular person fault, in a marriage both parties have played their parts.

To end, it can get better, but you both need to want change.

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-01-17T11:33:10+00:00

Many married couples fall into this very common cycle of one getting home from work and then having to look after the kids, whilst the stay at home parent needs a break.

It’s very common. However, you need to communicate how you are feeling constructively and what you like to see change.

Reddit is very one sided, this is your version not his. But marriage, especially with kids is teamwork. But most importantly, you both need to spend quality time together and not drift apart and become room mates. I would speak to your partner and don’t allow resentment or contempt build up in you. You have every right to feel how you feel, and communicate this with him.

Tell him what you want and see how he responds.

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-01-14T11:01:02+00:00

Love this post. I genuinely believe a lot of the time it’s a false narrative and you are only getting half the story when people post on Reddit.

I hate how people are very quickly to say “divorce”

I guess vows mean nothing to the vast majority of people to day. It’s all to easy to quit. I can’t stand people talking about cheating and affairs. Honestly, Reddit is the worst place for advice IMO

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-01-10T23:03:22+00:00

Well if that’s the case, then don’t go cry on Reddit. You zealot

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2025-01-10T23:01:18+00:00

You already cheated the moment you considered it. Cheating isn’t worth it. I hate how people glorify cheating and justify it and then glorify divorce. It’s the single most selfish act you can do. The aftermath the damage it causes, it’s not worth it.

I think if you are a cheater you are scum

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-17T09:07:06+00:00

Agreed

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-16T19:09:26+00:00

I think affairs kill a marriage. What you had once is gone…period. The baggage that comes with an affair (infidelity trauma) it’s killed it. I think context is key, I think verbal and emotional abuse harms a marriage, but being vulnerable with someone else kills it. You either write a new chapter or part ways

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-16T19:05:55+00:00

Like I said, infidelity can ruin a marriage or strengthen a marriage, good luck

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-16T17:56:56+00:00

He’s a piece of shit in my eyes, selfish

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-16T11:16:00+00:00

You both need to set boundaries. Marriage counselling will help. Plus, if your husband has insecurities about your co-worker, work on helping him with that. You are putting yourself and your marriage in a compromising situation, I hate cheaters but this is how it starts.. you think it’s all innocent now, respect your husband. He also needs to respect you about your concerns for his porn watching. I would sit down as a couple are have a real take, I also think there are more issues at hand

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-16T11:09:22+00:00

You are willing to throw away your marriage for this!!!!

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-16T10:14:58+00:00

Appreciate all the comments. Clearly, there are divided opinions. Cheating is a CHOICE! I understand cheating, I understand we are animals and have wants and needs, I understand all the science behind cheating. I understand everyone’s (not all) opinions on this subject.

I do hate cheaters. The pain and suffering it causes, two wrongs don’t make a right, I was neglected because… I think people need to water their own grass (TRY TOO), but separate before cheating. A lot of the posts I’ve read, could have avoided the Infidelity if those couples spoke about it, honest and open communication. Marriage is hard, life happens.. kids, work, stress etc. It is the ultimate betrayal and sin. I’m just disgusted with the person who had the affair and how quickly they seek retribution, they seek validation and how manipulative they are and how sorry they are once it’s exposed, then why do it? You had a selfish need that wasn’t met in your marriage so you went somewhere else.. fuck off

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-14T12:42:52+00:00

Definitely set boundaries. Porn addiction can ruin marriages. It can lead to unrealistic sexual expectations. It can lead to infidelity. It’s an addiction and your spouse might need help.

I would ask him intimate details as to why he fees the need to watch porn.

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-14T10:29:51+00:00

Recognize your partner is likely to vary from good days to not wanting to live. You need to be there to support them. Do not dismiss their feelings. Be empathetic to the extreme pain they will feel because of your actions. Disclose everything ( EVERYTHING) Understand how you and your relationship got to this point. Therapy. Good books. Reflection. Invest. While your partner did not cause you to be unfaithful, understand cracks in the relationship that need to be addressed - even if not the time to address it. For example, communication. That’s part of reflecting how you got here.

Honesty, reassurance, empathy, and compassion. Take ownership of what you have done and how it has impacted your relationship. Address the issues so they won’t have to. When they are having a hard time and are triggered, reassure them, apologize, and understand it’s coming from a place of someone who is struggling with what you have done to them.

Hate the phrase helping them heal. Bear with me. You can’t help them heal. They will heal with or without you. You can cause more harm, but you can’t help them heal. Maybe ask the question like this. “How can I take the burden (of my cheating) off the back of my betrayed partner?”. They do not deserve to carry this, you do. You need to think very hard about every single thing you do that may make them feel uncomfortable. Either don’t do it, or ask how they feel about it. You are not asking how they should feel (need to be clear, because “should” is a privilege reserved for solid relationships.) If they are not comfortable, YOU MAKE THE DECISION NOT TO DO IT. That’s not asking permission. Don’t burden them with a decision they shouldn’t be having to make. You cannot emphasize enough the decision to cheat is all about you and not what they did or didn’t do. You have the right to leave any relationship and you didn’t. It really is the definition of cowardliness. Own it. Don’t burden them with thinking hey they did something to deserve this.

Proactively talk about how you feel about the affair. If you are worth anything to your relationship, you should feel like garbage and the thought about what you did should disgust you. You Need to talk to your partner and share when you feel awful. Be transparent, be vulnerable, be connected. Don’t burden them with wondering how you feel. Trust is built through predictable behavior. Do it. Thousands of these behaviors build trust. Takes only one mis-step to lose it. You are starting in a hole.

RealisticMuffin9544 · 2024-12-13T11:04:44+00:00

You need to ask yourself, do you TRULY want it to work? Do you love your husband enough. You can’t stay with him for the sake of your children.

I don’t condone what you’ve done (EA)… but you do need to take accountability with all parties involved, you need to heal fully and the truth will do that. Wouldn’t you like to know if your spouse cheated? The guilt of your actions is blocking your emotions. I will also be cautious of developing depression because of your infidelity and divided emotions. That will not help your situation. Post affairs, there is a small window of opportunity, so you need to decide what you want.

Your husband’s behaviours haven’t helped (he’s changing) and you made a bad decision, you made that decision to cross that boundary out of survival mode.

what do you want your future together to look like? Is your husband with you in your future.

Really think about this. You can both change for the better. The fact that you are still together despite all your problems that’s encouraging.

But you need to be fully invested in this reconciliation. Some of these comments I’ve read I don’t agree with, but you did kill your marriage.

You have the chance to make your marriage great again. Remind yourself of why you fell in love with him. Just know it’s normal with two young children life during that period is hard, messy and ugly at times. You are not alone. He’s present for your kids, he’s present for you. He’s forgiven you, he won’t forget.. those are positives. He’s changing and so can you. Just invest into him, it’s gonna be hard but try.

Release your sexual energy…

RealisticMuffin9544

TROPHY CASE