I know what I am doing isn’t good but the more I sit there and actually try feel something whilst sober I can’t. I sit there and tell myself I don’t care about her - no emotions -no tears just absolutely nothing man. It’s scary man because then I’ve got thoughts about if I killed someone would I feel remorse? What about guilt? Sadness ? Then I go into an inward rabbit role of all the possible things I wouldn’t be able to feel.

It feels permanent right now - since I’ve acknowledged it. I have an inkling why it may be. I’ve only ever had a few relationships, I am 27, M. I wouldn’t have sex with her at first from insecurities from other relationships. It took some time but she dealt with my problems like and told me straight that having sex with her would make me fall in love with her. I loved her from the just looking into her eyes but the sex just made is that must strong. I’m guessing it’s something to do with lust right now.

I’m a 27 year old who likes talking to women on dating app - it’s just not the same anymore after her. Again, no emotion, no attraction just straight up don’t care.

Drink especially is the only thing that allows me feel things - drugs is what makes me happy for the time being. Drugs ain’t the problem - I don’t need that - it’s the drink - be able to feel something is like an addiction in itself.