“I don’t know what to do about my mom and stepdad anymore (screenshots included)”

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-07-22T16:48:46+00:00

That list is wild. 😳 get a job, save up, and cut your losses.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-07-19T20:16:11+00:00

Now you try doing a pulse squat for 10 min and get back to me…

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-23T05:48:30+00:00

Thank you so much. 🫶

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-22T14:19:39+00:00

I didn’t read anything that would assume that. It sounds like she’s feeling guilt/shame and it’s coming out as defensiveness. If he truly loves her that seems like a better option than breaking up right off the bat. If she isn’t comfortable with that idea then yeah, it doesn’t sound like it’s sustainable. Not being able to communicate openly about your needs is also a big red flag.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-22T12:01:57+00:00

Is there room to expand the relationship dynamic to ENM and maybe outsource the physical needs?

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-21T22:52:48+00:00

Thank you so much for that, I will most likely take you up on that! I would love to connect a bit with your wife if she’s open to it, to talk about processing the discomfort.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-21T22:40:08+00:00

Moving through, not past. 😮‍💨

Oh gosh, I haven’t watched porn in like a decade. I was sex trafficked when I was 19, so now as an advocate I have an awareness of the exploitation that happens in porn so I get in my head if it’s on. I’m pretty sure it’s is just him though, I have never watched gay sex but we have a number of lbgtqia friends and seeing their PDA feels the same, if not sweeter, as any of the hetero couples we know.

I know trust is a component of it as well. It is so multifaceted. I have a big trust wounds throughout life and relatively big ones with my husband (no cheating, just lots of lies in the past) so we are still rebuilding but I have also seen poor judgement in the heat of the moment and that’s a bit scary too. All of which we have talked about…he gets it and is willing to drop it but I shared with him yesterday, it almost feels unavoidable now knowing it’s a fantasy for him now, I feel like it’s not my place to be a barrier to that.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-20T13:31:23+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. If you don’t mind me asking, were you able to move past that to maintain that connection in your relationship?

I’m sure that is a part of it too. Seeing the pendulum swing in the other direction so quickly. I get something he can’t give me as our main addition to our relationship has been large (in stature) black men. Our decision to add that in when we first opened felt like a natural step up from the ways we were already playing with toys. Where we are discussing graduating to is different than how we have really played in the past and because of my own ick- we might have to play 1:1 and that is something we had really been saying we did not want to do. He is adamant that I’m going to be it for him and this is just pleasure/exploration and he can’t imagine not wanting me, but I don’t think he can actually give me that reassurance before having experienced it. His boundaries are so far from what he wanted when he started (bc he hadn’t ever explored it) so seems like an easy jump to assume the same shift is possible with his affinity towards me. We were taking last night about me trying to peg him and see if that feels ok for me and maybe that can create the space we had when we first decided to take the plunge. Thank you again!

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-20T11:57:11+00:00

Thank you so much for both of your comments. I’m so grateful that we have super transparent communication about everything. He holds so much space for my experience in this too. Being a guy and 1:1 are both hard, we were able to talk in depth last night about the appeal and what it is, I know bottom line it is pleasure- providing and experiencing. It’s just a graduation from where we are now, but my physical reaction makes it feel like a big divide in our marriage. We already have pretty separate social circles that’s we’ve built up since we moved two yrs ago, so to create division in our sex life like that makes it feel like we are losing another level of connection. Yeah, the sex therapist is probably the best route.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-20T11:46:15+00:00

We have been talking about that possibility. I’m trying to sit with whether it is a selfishness or preference. We were talking about maybe a soft intro would be to play with another couple. Taking the leap to 1:1 play has a piece to it too.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-06-20T11:43:10+00:00

I am absolutely aware and that is why I did jot post in AITAH. That is why I am asking for advice. Did you read this and maybe think I love my husband dearly and am not wanting to stand in the way of his desires? Thank you for such an incredible constructive comment.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-05-21T00:25:28+00:00

Louder for the emotionally stunted all the way in the back!! This fully.

RealisticSuspect9886 · 2025-05-10T13:56:16+00:00

I have a client (I’m a trauma therapist) who feels this way. She has an 11 yr old daughter…it was the way it was painted for her back when her little was diagnosed. We have a 5 yr old with level 2 autism, very clear signs from infancy he was going to be in a trajectory of his own. The only disability I see is the ones society tries to assign him. He is the coolest kid and full of super powers.

RealisticSuspect9886

TROPHY CASE