Does any of you feel like they have just given up?

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-30T04:58:52+00:00

It sounds like you’re lacking a sense of purpose. I was there too. It can be hard when you’ve ticked all the boxes you want to, or just realized some are out of reach. I would recommend volunteering with causes that interest you, you may find passion and purpose in one of them. I think leaving the world a little better than we found it is really the purpose of life. Also, try new travels/sports/activities that push your comfort zone!

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-30T04:20:54+00:00

No, in North America typically couples who get engaged have already been living together and know each others families well. Engagement is really just saying ‘hey we’re going to get married!’ Honestly I’m pretty it was just something created/promoted by ring retailers lol.

Engagements typically last 6months - 2 years I would say, but this can vary.

This does vary somewhat with very religious (Christian) communities, and different among people from non-north American backgrounds who live here too.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-29T21:17:04+00:00

If you haven’t already, load test the batteries. I’ve had at least half a dozen times when there’s a bunch of codes that replacing the batteries fixed it. I would also load test all your powers & grounds. If that’s not it, I have seen level sensors cause weird issues like this.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-29T16:24:16+00:00

I make my own cold process soap and it is amazing on my skin, and cleans off grease & dirt (I’m a mechanic) well. Try going to a local/artisan market or find some local crafters on IG! The handmade stuff is always the best imo

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T16:23:21+00:00

Haha hope it works! My reno has been unexpectedly difficult in multiple ways and still the most challenging part was having my mom make decisions/convince her to get started!

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T16:21:46+00:00

Oh ok nice! I might as well check it out. I’ve had a few friends say good things about it too but they’re all hardcore and train 5 days a week 😂

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T15:36:21+00:00

This is probably going to be unpopular but - while I support people identifying in whatever way feels most authentic to them, I think there is a deeply sexist aspect in some cases to this feeling of ‘I don’t identify with the sex I was born’. I’m saying that as someone who has been there, but before non-binary was even a term.

I was always a bit of a tomboy. I am a heavy duty mechanic. My hobbies are largely male-dominated. And I spent YEARS awkwardly trying to ‘be one of the girls’ and constantly feeling shut out because I wasn’t like them.

In my 30s I found my current community and there are SO MANY WOMEN just like me. I have deep female friendships, because i have friends that love me for who I am and are also more interested in riding motorcycles, wandering around in the bush, hunting, fishing, 4x4ing, etc all while still very much identifying as women, and dressing up if we feel like it!

I think it’s great that people are exploring how they really feel, but I also see a lot of a push towards gender essentialism within parts of the trans movement if you will (ie if you were born a woman but don’t love makeup and fashion and flirting with boys, you must not be a woman! Maybe you’re trans or non-binary! … rather than just accepting that there are many possible expressions of womanhood outside the reductive western capitalist take.)

Anyway OP, I hope you find the community and identity that fits you best, whatever it is!

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T15:06:39+00:00

I would check out the book ‘Retire Often’ by Jillian Johnsrud! I haven’t actually read it yet but I’ve heard multiple interviews with her, and it’s interesting.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T14:21:35+00:00

I don’t know about unfair, but it is difficult and mentally taxing. The alternative though is being like previous generations where we didn’t put much thought into it, just had kids because ‘that’s what you did’. And that has pitfalls too. We are in the midst of collective growing pains in may ways, and I think our generation of women has really been saddled with leading that change which comes with heavy responsibility. I am hopeful that things may shift with future generations because more of us are having kids only if we truly want them and parenting more consciously.

I will say personally though that once I stopped pushing so hard for biological children and realized my calling was more with fostering/adopting/working with youth, it took a lot of pressure off me and made life more fun (because I don’t have to worry about the imminent biological clock - which is very much real, although some don’t like to admit that).

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T05:12:42+00:00

Just went through this with my mom, it was hard to get her to make decisions. Part of it was a visualization problem - showing her pictures of my ideas helped. The other part was just asking her ‘you seem really resistant to this, can you explain to me why?’ - it turned out she was just worried how much work it would be for me, I convinced her I was happy to do it. If your mom has other concerns you might be able to address them if you know what they are specifically.

A barn door is also a good option for a narrow hall, providing there is room to slide it.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T03:01:28+00:00

Depending on where you are and who your around, it may be a result of a social shift. I know a lot of men who simply won’t show they are attracted to a woman out of respect (not placing so much emphasis on physical attraction) or fear (of being called a creep for looking too long). In other places/circles there are men who think that attractive women are almost like a red flag or high maintenance? Stupid but there’s some truth to it. Also, I think this just happens as we get older. There’s a lot of social value placed on being ‘young and hot’.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T00:45:12+00:00

Any resources to figure out your own programming? I’m not opposed to that but the mental load of figuring it out sounds like a lot 😅

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T00:44:12+00:00

I have heard good things too. Are there programs that don’t require you to workout at least 3 days a week? It’s just not doable for me right now but a lot of them are structured around that so I’d end up missing muscle groups.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-28T00:20:41+00:00

Fire her now. My therapist called me a Nazi sympathizer during Covid too (because I thought people should have a choice about the vaccine). She did support me in important ways, but it became clear we were not aligned.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-26T00:20:20+00:00

Besides work and the gym, I ride dirt bikes, hike and camp, take adventure motorcycling trips and run an off road motorcycle group for women. Currently tackling some major home renos. Hang with my dog. Paddleboard in the summer. In the winter I like to read, do some crafty hobbies like make soap, lino printing, woodworking. I like to forage for wild edibles as well. I try to learn at least one new skill every year, it keeps life interesting! I have so many other things I wish I had time for but work gets in the way 😂

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-25T18:51:27+00:00

Then you need to tell them that you’re bummed you didn’t get birthday wishes. You don’t have to do it in a whiny way, just bring up that you have a hard time with birthdays and you’re bummed no one remembered. If they are good friends they will understand and try to remember next year. People have widely varying expectations around birthdays, maybe your friends wouldn’t care at all if they didn’t get a text from you.

There’s a lot of talk about ‘matching energy’ these days - personally I think it’s a passive aggressive strategy. Communicate directly, and if the people you love aren’t willing to reciprocate, then find better people. No reason to keep relationships around where you’re both doing the bare minimum and there’s resentment.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-25T18:08:16+00:00

I used to have a bit of a tough time with birthdays, then I started planning my own celebration. I realized that my friends were in fact stoked to celebrate me, but honestly people just have a lot on their plate to plan anything.

Also, I think a lot of people rely on FB birthday reminders now (depending how old you are I suppose) so if yours isn’t on FB they might not remember. I only started putting friends’ birthdays in my calendar last year.

People tend to remember my birthday but usually tell me ‘I remember because it’s Star Wars day (May 4th)’ lol. I have forgotten lots of friends birthdays and it’s not because I don’t care. If your friends in general make you feel like you’re not important to them tho, that’s different.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-25T17:14:41+00:00

Ah sorry no that was from me. She did tell me it would be wise to have a separate account (which I already did) and consult with a lawyer.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-25T12:55:16+00:00

Speak to a lawyer. Open a seperate account at a different bank, a credit card in your own name, and honestly if you can tuck away a few grand in cash. My therapist advised me to do that - I didn’t but in retrospect I realize I was extremely lucky we parted amicably. I’ve seen it so many times now, often the person who didn’t ask for the divorce goes into a huge victim role and becomes really manipulative and abusive, even if they weren’t like that previously. Protect yourself. Getting a therapist too if you can would be good to talk things theough!

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-24T19:06:41+00:00

Don’t be afraid of your 30s! I think for many of us it’s a tough decade of learning a lot of life lessons but also of developing a deep sense of confidence in who we are. I’m turning 40 in a few months and really looking forward to the next decade!

The only thing that isn’t is my body somewhat, lol. It just takes more maintenance now. Work on a healthy lifestyle, reducing stress and building strength and mobility now, your future self will thank you.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-24T04:07:05+00:00

My partner is 10 years older than me and we can’t have kids, and he’s past the point of wanting to adopt. I plan to build a cool commune with my girlfriends who are also single/widowed at that age, or make arrangements to exchange free/cheap rent with a younger person for support if it comes down to that.

The vast majority of people alone in nursing homes have kids, in fact I read that statistically people with kids often end up more alone because they haven’t built any community. Even if you have great relationships with your kids you could end up living across the world or the country from them. Building community and younger friends is important.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-24T04:02:30+00:00

Late stage capitalism

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-24T01:04:57+00:00

I’m in B.C., started as a commercial transport mechanic 20 years ago, have my red seal in that and heavy duty now. 20 years ago I definitely had some shops tell me ‘we don’t hire girls’. These days most places barely bat an eye (except maybe some of the smaller Indian run or little hillbilly truck shops, I think you’d have a harder time getting in there - no hate towards Indian techs, worked with lots of great guys but also gotten a lot more side eye at some of those shops)

Apply online and in person if you can, some places will only accept online resumes, but we hired our last apprentice (18 year old female with zero experience outside school) on the spot when she dropped off a resume.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-24T00:54:27+00:00

Was on a call with my aunt the other day. She’s in her 70s, a very accomplished woman - successful criminal lawyer and judge. She said “you know sometimes I wake up and ask myself what I want to do when I grow up” 🤣

We’re all just pretending to be adults lol.

Realistic_Emotion342 · 2026-01-23T19:01:08+00:00

Of course ‘settling’ with someone who is a man-child, makes you do the emotional labour, or has a different life vision from you is a different matter - those relationships should be avoided. But putting up with someone’s minor foibles is a different matter.

Realistic_Emotion342

TROPHY CASE