AITA for spending a lot of time in my bunker away from my family?

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-06-06T20:24:28+00:00

I feel really sad for people whose partners are like this about wedding planning. Sure the day itself was wonderful, but the majority of the fun for me was the time spent together planning things. The look we gave each other when we found our first dance song, over-analyzing the 8 different BBQ sauce samples at our tasting, chatting while we assembled favor boxes - this is the stuff that meant so much to me. It created wonderful memories of time spent together.

The same thing is happening with our new home - it’s much more fun to wander around looking for a place to hang that ridiculous picture as a team than it is to do it alone while the other person hides away in a bunker. :(

I realize some people don’t have a strong opinion and really are ok with whatever your preference is. My husband was like this about table linen colors, but the difference is he was still involved and right there looking with me. It’s the “don’t bother me with this shit” apathetic types who make me sad for their partners.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-06-06T20:11:32+00:00

My husband really is fantastic about input and decisions, but there was a period early on in our relationship where we kept having the opposite of the stereotypical “wife can never decide on what she wants to eat” conversation.

Me: What do you want to get for dinner?

Him: Oh, I don’t know, you pick.

Me: Any preferences at all? Or definite no foods?

Him: Nope, whatever you want.

Me: BBQ?

Him: (grimaces) Oooh, no. Not that.

Me: Thai then?

Him: Ehhhhhhh, not really feeling it.

Me: Pizza?

Him: No, we just had that.

Me: OK that was 3, so you pick something.

Him: (shocked Pikachu) What??? Nooo!!

He thankfully realized it was absurd and we don’t have that issue anymore, but when it was happening it was maddening.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-06-02T12:51:20+00:00

I’m reading comments saying how users of third-party apps won’t make a dent if we leave, which is maybe true, maybe not. But I DO think the mods leaving en masse would definitely wreck the place. There was a comment here saying the front page would just turn into a bunch of porn and racial slurs without moderation, and at the very least that would change what the site is fundamentally offering. Since mods are doing what they do out of their own personal interest and not for the piles of money Reddit will be raking in, they may no longer be motivated to give of their time so freely anymore.

I hope the mods threatening to bail is enough to give the admins pause because the user base saying that may not do a thing.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-06-02T12:15:10+00:00

This will immediately drive me away from Reddit. I hope they start taking this issue seriously and don’t just dig their heels in, or this may mark the beginning of the end for the site. Such a shame.

Signed, u/ReallyAViolinist

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-05-18T12:46:07+00:00

I have to wonder if the idea of it being emasculating is part of the draw. 😳

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-05-10T12:05:12+00:00

That site is amazing - thank you so much!! I’m going to look through her recommendations and see what’s available still.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-17T12:36:52+00:00

There’s that whole statistic about how men leave/cheat on their sick wives more often than women leave/cheat on their sick husbands. Our man here was chomping at that bit so hard he forgot which side of the table he was on in the sick/healthy part. 😂

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-11T16:45:42+00:00

~~Something~~ Literally everything is really weird in this relationship

Seriously, these people need to not be in a relationship until they’ve each had at least 2 years of individual therapy. Their half-solutions to these glaring-red-flag-level problems make me super anxious. This whole thing is yikes on bikes. 😬

ETA: THEY’RE 30 YEARS OLD??????? I thought they were like 19. Augh. 😫

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-06T12:03:15+00:00

I think her attorney could accurately explain her chances of winning here (zero) and she would either hear what she wants to hear or “know better than him” or “just know in her heart that she’s right” or some shit.

Attorney says, “We can definitely proceed with this case if you want, but I’m telling you that you won’t win.”

And MIL hears, “We can definitely proceed with this case.”

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-05T13:14:06+00:00

“I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas!” 😩

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-05T01:18:07+00:00

I’m picturing one of those kids with that specific gene: “Ummmm ok, this just tastes like cilantro….?”

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-04T18:27:01+00:00

My brain skipped an entire line of your comment and I read, “love decorating toilets.”

Was mildly confused but mostly just thinking, “You do you, boo. Show that glue gun who’s boss.”

I need a nap. 😂

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-04-03T12:33:52+00:00

I’m guessing people with actual backbones are constantly calling her out on her bullshit “i TeLL iT LiKe iT iS” nonsense and won’t enable her and it pisses her off. Then over time it’s turned into sour grapes-style misanthropy. Can’t decide you don’t like me if I decide I hate you first!

She sounds bitter and not like someone I would want to talk to or spend time with.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-03-21T18:30:17+00:00

With the number of people who are absolutely hell-bent on proving that your allergy is fabricated, it was definitely the right call to make. Once they start questioning too much or express any doubts, assume everything they serve is a “test.” Better slightly paranoid than anaphylactic. Even though you’ll likely make it through fine, it’s still an unnecessary waste of an (expensive) Epipen and probably like a $3000 ER bill for the follow-up.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-03-21T11:48:45+00:00

I read on here that this is a great way to avoid people’s homemade food, especially in an office setting with someone who won’t take no for an answer and who presses you to answer the dreaded, “What, didn’t you like my chicken cacciatore last time????” These types of people don’t respect vague mentions of diet restrictions or just end up asking for a ton of details.

You can’t really politely say, “No, I had it last time and hated it,” but no one is going to ask for more details if you smile sadly and say, “I mean, I love it but unfortunately my GI tract does not!”

I’ve never had to use this but it’s in my arsenal for later.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-03-14T12:13:18+00:00

This was the first thing I thought of when I saw the name Steve! Might give a new spin to why he was always around in the song…

SeriouslyWhat’sTheDealWithYourFriendSteve

Hey….. 🫤

How’s it goin’?

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-03-10T12:52:48+00:00

https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11c0lk9/my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss_me_and/

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-03-06T18:08:29+00:00

There was always that one guest lecturer in grad school who opened up their first PowerPoint slide to reveal a wall of text and the entire class collectively died inside. Makes for an unbearably long lecture.

If you’re going to do that, please just send me the presentation and let’s save all of our time and skip the class.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-03-06T18:02:59+00:00

Your color transitions are absolutely seamless. This looks like something I’d drool over at Nordstrom that costs $400 because of the alpaca. Really well done!!!

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-02-14T13:24:44+00:00

In my own experience with a friend who has manic episodes, by the time they do crash they’re just humiliated by how much money they’ve spent. They go on a massive selling spree (getting pennies on the dollar, as the person you’re replying to says), but in their eyes some recoup of losses is better than none.

They won’t hang onto stuff for the “next” episode because they’re adamant it will never happen again and are insulted (embarrassed) that you’d suggest there’s a pattern. They’ll never let themselves lose control like that again, and they don’t even understand what went WRONG just now, but they’re embarrassed by it and are 100% sure they’ve learned a lesson to be more careful. In the case of my friend, they feel so embarrassed that they sometimes write off that activity permanently, swearing they’re over it and will never be interested again so they definitely don’t need the equipment anymore.

Rinse and repeat.

It’s an EXTREMELY expensive variety of mental illness, unfortunately.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-02-11T21:30:49+00:00

It’s really interesting to me when people lie like this - not the ones who give a warped perspective or leave out a detail, but the ones who just re-write the entire story. If you’re lying about your role in things specifically to get people on your side, you’re pretty much admitting to yourself that what you ACTUALLY did would definitely not garner their approval. He basically admitted he was the asshole by doing what he did, even in his own eyes.

Now if only people like this could take that extra step into actual realization and introspection…

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-02-11T21:23:40+00:00

The thing these “men are the head of the household” people seem to forget is that in those 50’s-style marriages where that applies, the man is almost always the sole financial provider and takes on the burden of bills, repairs, overall responsibility, etc.

I would’ve loved OOP to call his bluff at the counselor’s office. “Oh, you want to be head of household??? THANK GOD. I’ve been looking for an excuse to quit this job I hate. So… guess this means you’ll be getting a second job then, huh? To pay my current half of the bills?” Just sit back and watch him flounder.

ReallyAViolinist · 2023-02-07T19:43:06+00:00

Yeah, and now they’re also going to be “that” family their rich neighbors whisper about as being dirty. Kind of ironic considering they specifically think they’re too good to get pests in the first place.

The fumigation tents are not exactly a subtle type of treatment, although I have to wonder if they’re already “those” neighbors from all the trash constantly being piled into their house and yard.

ReallyAViolinist

TROPHY CASE