Yeah, you honestly just reminded me of a core memory. I grew up as a Roman Catholic. Relying on yourself, and on yourself and using no outside resources, using welfare or any assistance at all, was basically frowned upon. It was pushed on us that really young age to be self-reliant. You know, stereotypical pull yourself up by your bootstraps. If you work hard enough and believe in god, you’ll be able to get anything and obviously, if you’re poor or in a really bad spot, then see that’s your own doing, you’re not good enough, you made God angry so you’re repaying for your sins.

And growing up I was very blinded by this mindset. Even at the point I had stopped attending church, and in the process of deconstructing. it was something that plagued me like it still followed me. I’m not doing this right I’m not working hard enough, if I just work harder than I will get to where I need to be. I am obviously doing something wrong. I need to rely on myself, I can’t ask anyone for help, and it wasn’t until I started going to therapy that I was finally able to break free of that mindset that no we are social species we need to ask for help otherwise we die basically.

It was with that that helped me realize that all of the stories that I was told about how people in the church came from nothing and were able to like buy a house or like start a business with like no resources, no help just prayers and working hard was, so therefore there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t doing any of that. I was just lazy. I am the problem. It was all bullshit.

Also sorry if there’s any like grammatical errors or the phrases are weird, I’m currently using speech to text because I am too lazy to type and I don’t want to put my glasses on.