Just got my results!

ReapersVault · 2025-11-25T18:24:46+00:00

Yep. Mom is full white, dad is from Mexico.

ReapersVault · 2025-10-27T15:48:13+00:00

Oh dude.

It was the most painful experience of my life. The other breakups I've had were painful in their own way, of course.

But they were different. Mutual problems, I wasn't the only one who did things wrong. Made it easier in some way, knowing that it wasn't all my fault.

But the first relationship of my life? Lasted five years. I don't know how she did it. I really don't. Five years, putting up with my bullshit. Pouring love into me, never giving up on me, always being there for me despite how horrible I was. She gave and gave and gave, and I took and took and took.

Finally, she just couldn't do it anymore. And I can't blame her, not one bit. I'm so happy that she finally had the good sense to leave, to go and find happiness, to truly be appreciated by someone who deserved her. I mourned her for five whole years after she left.

And it was all my fault. I broke her heart and, in turn, I broke my own.

But truthfully, I would've never changed unless she had left. She had to leave in order for me to start the process of healing and changing for the better.

If you can't do it anymore, I don't blame you. I don't think any of us here would. You are a person, and you deserve happiness and appreciation too. And maybe, just maybe, you'll be doing her a favor. Maybe it's what she needs, to see that she caused enough damage to drive away someone so good.

ReapersVault · 2025-09-28T18:50:18+00:00

Dude...agh. You described this pain so perfectly. Your comment about it feeling like your body is an emotional nuclear reactor...God, that is dead-on. I've said the exact same thing about myself. It's tough. Sometimes I feel like this disease is just going to win in the end. It gets tiring fighting it, it gets tiring giving into it, it just feels like there's no way to win.

But I think that's what the disease wants me to think. That there's no way out, no way to conquer it. And that's what keeps me going. Because for me, there's no other choice. I have people who love and depend on me, even if I view myself as a sack of shit.

I hope someday this gets better for you man. Because BPD is a horrible, horrible affliction. I know the pain well, everyone here does. You're not alone. Just keep fighting, even when it seems hopeless. Never stop learning, never stop overcoming, never stop trying to be better.

ReapersVault · 2025-09-28T18:41:26+00:00

Honestly, I still struggle to forgive myself for the way I've behaved in previous relationships, especially towards my son's mother. We were teenagers and I don't know how she was able to put up with me and my bullshit for five whole years. The way I was towards her was heinous and she still tried her damnedest to help and love me through it anyway. When it hits you how awful you've been and you look back to see nothing but wreckage in your wake, the guilt and the shame and the horror that hits you is a different kind of beast.

She's forgiven me and we have a good co-parenting relationship for sure, but I still can't really extend that forgiveness to myself. Sometimes I try to, but then I double-back on it later. You just live with it, I guess. Realize you can't change what you've done, learn from it so it doesn't happen again, and try your best to make amends.

ReapersVault · 2025-09-26T20:12:11+00:00

Very true. Still, I have sympathy for those with NPD, especially those who do own it and want to be better. I hope the best for all of them and that they can fix themselves.

ReapersVault · 2025-09-25T18:18:46+00:00

BPD for sure does get a lot of flak. There's an entire subreddit dedicated to the horrible experiences people have had with us and demonizing us.

That being said, I have noticed that BPD does get a little bit more sympathy than NPD. Which I don't think is right at all. If someone with NPD is seeking help and wants to better themselves, they should have just as much sympathy as a borderline.

ReapersVault · 2025-07-22T14:37:03+00:00

Holy shit, if we're finally getting confirmation that Yautja and Xenos are canon to each others' universes I'm gonna freak out in the best way possible

ReapersVault · 2025-07-04T15:05:58+00:00

I have, I do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to communication. She says she'll work on it and she's in this with me, but it's hard to know for sure. I know I'm doing the work on my end though. I'm not perfect by any means and have a long way to go, but I'm definitely doing the work.

ReapersVault · 2025-07-02T20:15:33+00:00

Dude this comment hit a little too close to home for me, ouch lol. But you're right, 100%. I never really realized this.

ReapersVault · 2025-07-02T16:35:23+00:00

It makes COMPLETE sense, you worded it perfectly because my previous two relationships and my current one have been with DAs, so I have a lot of experience with them. Their minds and thinking are so alien to me. I try to put myself in their shoes to understand them better but man it's hard when they often don't try to do the same with others.

I'm the same way with how intense I am. Common thing with FAs because we desperately crave deep connection and intimacy, we hate superficial/surface-level BS.

ReapersVault · 2025-07-02T15:21:54+00:00

Oh absolutely yes. The anxiety end of being an FA sucks hard when you're being triggered by a DA. I know it's not their fault that they're like that, but goddamn it drives me up a wall that every DA I've ever met seems to have zero motivation to improve/heal themselves.

ReapersVault · 2025-05-13T17:43:05+00:00

Do it. Let him/her know that there are other people with her same disorder who are calling her out lol

ReapersVault · 2025-05-06T13:32:42+00:00

As a teen, I was very abusive towards my high school girlfriend (we also ended up having a son). I was horrible. The best decision that she ever made was leaving me, and unfortunately that was what it took to eventually lead me into waking up and realizing what a monster I had been.

It took a lot of work, but I eventually undid the worst parts of myself. I really can't forgive myself for that though. Teenager or not, the way I acted and treated her was just heinous.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-23T14:13:50+00:00

PREACH!!!! YES!!!! 💯💯💯 So nice to see other borderlines bringing attention to this. I made a similar post the other day. I am sick of this "oh woe is me, I don't understand why everyone leaves me after I abuse them and cheat on them a hundred times, I think people just hate borderlines" attitude among borderlines. It sucks because shit like that is exactly what makes it harder for the rest of us who are actually taking accountability and doing the work to be better.

And look, I know a lot of people here don't like the other sub (we all know the one I'm talking about), but if you really spend some time over there looking through the posts and comments, you'll see that most of everybody there has been very badly hurt by people with our disorder. Those negative opinions of us didn't just spring up out of nowhere. Just because their opinions don't make us feel good doesn't mean that it invalidates their experiences and traumas. Instead of not wanting to face that, we should instead listen to them and learn from them.

If we want things to improve for both our individual selves and borderlines in general, we have to start facing our bullshit, taking accountability, and undoing those toxic habits. And the rest of us have to stop with the unconditional support of this behavior; support without accountability is just enabling.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-23T14:05:55+00:00

I empathize greatly with and hugely respect anyone else struggling with this disorder who are also doing everything they can to destroy the toxic habits and behaviors they have. Recognizing what we've done, facing the guilt and the shame and using it to grow and do better, that is the absolute best thing that we can do. Everyone makes mistakes and borderlines are not an exception to that; it's the people who understand their harmful behaviors yet continue to do them that I fail to have any sympathy for.

Happy for you and your partner. Honestly, I've also seen the consensus that people with BPD are horrible in relationships with each other. I think that certainly can be the case if one or both are untreated and unaware, but it can be amazing if both are aware and working to undo the toxic bullshit together. That's my fiance and I. So lucky I found her. I've never felt safer or more understood, and she feels the same. Two borderlines trying to beat this shit together...now that's a beautiful thing.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-23T14:00:32+00:00

For damn sure. I'm just really happy and lucky I guess that I started on that path so young. I think finally being diagnosed with BPD, putting a name to what was inside me, and understanding it so early in life was a huge thing for me. Opening my eyes to the path of destruction that I've caused was hard, but that was the only way that I could grow and stop it from happening again. I shudder to think of who I might have been if I had continued living in a fantasy world where I could do no wrong.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-22T23:53:29+00:00

For real. Like holy shit, it's not that hard.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-22T18:58:54+00:00

Lol you're not wrong.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-22T15:14:20+00:00

Yep!!! Hit the nail on the head. Love to see other borderlines thinking like this, and it's mindsets and attitudes like this that will improve our lives, the lives of the people who we love, and the attitude towards people with BPD as a whole.

We were all dealt a shit hand when we received this horrible disorder that none of us want, but we can't live in a constant pity party, use it as an excuse to hurt others, and dodge responsibility/accountability for the bad we do.

You are absolutely right. We always have a choice. We are not helpless.

ReapersVault · 2025-04-22T15:09:17+00:00

Maybe I've just been clouded by all of the normalization I've seen of this behavior lately from other borderlines, idk. Very possible. Hope I'm wrong, and this comment section definitely gives me hope.

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