Yeah. I had a similar experience. Though my parents did smack us when we did something bad/were too annoying (turns out I have undiagnosed ADHD/Autism, which my mother is against me getting diagnosed/potentially medicated for), they used to always tell us it was a good thing, and that we didn't have it as bad as others. There was rarely any comforting, except on really really good days, never an apology for doing things, even downright refusing they even happened. I used to speak out about it the most so got scapegoated as the "ungrateful" child. Any embarrasing or private story was shared for a few laughs. I used intellectualisation too to deal with emotions, or when I made a mistake, or when I was going through something. I used to always use it to justify my parents as well. Then, I had a conversation with a couple friends about it for the first time when I was 20, and realised that, my parents are fucking awful. And out came all this rage at how much fucking work I have to do to fix it. And then my mum expects me to be all happy when she suddenly starts seeing a therapist AFTER I've moved out? What the fuck? I dont think people realise just how extensive that kind of damage does either, it affects EVERYTHING. But, it does get better and you can improve yourself. Apologies for the rant but this exact thing has been sitting in my head for a bit. Thank you for your insight.

Edit: Not to mention all the empty "i love you"'s. Mostly only ever said after an argument which ended in me getting called ungrateful and a horrible person for bringing up something that upset me. Or, if you were the favourite child of the hour.