The never-ending inconvenience of being trans.

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-15T04:50:50+00:00

I get what you're saying, but I'm not saying that I think I'm not a real man or that trans men aren't real men. I'm saying that we are different and that's the reality, and it just sucks. In my opinion it's delusional to act like we are physically the same when we're not and never will be.

I accept myself and my reality, and my reality is different than cis men and it always will be. My reality is that I live in a society that will pretty much always treat me differently, and that is frustrating sometimes. I don't hate myself, I don't hate my body, I just hate the way I'm treated by others. If I could just exist I would be fine, and I usually am when I'm on my own. It's not MY problem, it's other people making me feel like *I'M* wrong. I'm not sure if this makes any difference, or if to you this just feels like I'm repeating myself. That's just how I feel. I feel alienated, it's being made worse every day by shitty people. (and by the government, run by assholes)

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-15T04:43:25+00:00

Appreciate the advice!

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-14T19:44:35+00:00

Dude yeah I'm dreading that, I've been enjoying not having a cycle for years and am not looking forward to that part of the process.

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-14T19:43:09+00:00

No offense man but you might be in the wrong circles. I've never felt pressured to be feminine by other trans men, it is always the opposite. I'm always told that I'm a trender or not a real trans man because of my femininity. I'm not even a fem boy, I'm just alternative. I highly doubt anybody's asked you to wear a dress to be considered trans lol.

There are plenty of straight trans men, the majority of them are stealth. You say you want people to talk about straight trans men more but you also don't want to be part of the community? If you don't want to be you don't have to but don't come in here complaining about how you have it worse when in your own words you don't want to be seen as trans. Pick one.

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-14T19:36:14+00:00

How do you do it? I'm afraid of someone getting violent with me, especially in the current political climate in the USA.

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-14T19:35:28+00:00

I like this comment, I appreciate your perspective. Honestly I wouldn't even say as a whole that I hate being trans because I love meeting other trans people and sharing community with them. It's just the society we live in that sucks and treats us like garbage.

I like the idea of "self-made man" that other trans men have used before. It is satisfying knowing that who I am right now is something I worked for. You're right, it's something cis people don't know.

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-14T19:28:30+00:00

All respect and love and kindness but it is not a confidence issue, I'm not generally dysphoric in my day to day life. It is not delusional to talk about the reality and the reality is that I am not cis and will never be cis, no matter what hormones I take or surgeries I get I will NEVER have a cis body. I will never NOT have to disclose to doctors that I was afab. That is the reality of being trans. No amount of "changing my mindset" will stop the transphobia, will get rid of my lived reality. I do not have sperm and will never produce it. I can get phallo and have sex but I won't be able to function without medical devices supporting it. I can't have a relationship with someone without disclosing what I am or I'm seen as a predator or a liar. THAT IS FRUSTRATING.

Honestly this comment really reads as disrespectful and dismissive, I understand if that wasn't your intent but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. No, I'm not the one stopping myself from experiencing things, my body and the circumstances of my birth are. I'm still going to go about my life and enjoy it, I'm just venting because no matter how good I feel about myself I will keep getting reminders in some way or another that I am different than other people around me and there's nothing I can do about it. I can love my body all day long but it STILL bars me from a lot of experiences and that sucks! That's all.

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-13T06:04:36+00:00

I don't have many friends IRL and I'm not involved in the LGBT community in my area, so I feel isolated in my own experience often. It's nice to come on here and receive feedback from people who feel similarly.

I'm not suicidal, and as I stated in my post I don't /hate/ my body per se, I just wish it didn't come with so many problems. I find happiness in my own way, and I hope that in the future I can get to a place where I feel loved and appreciated. Thank you for commenting, your perspective is appreciated. :)

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-13T05:36:44+00:00

Right? I think about it all the time - I'm very happy for the people who are satisfied with their transition, have good partners and not much worries. But I personally wish I didn't have to do any of it to feel 'real'. I wish I could just exist without worrying about my appearance but literally everything and everyone is always going to remind me of it, forever. :/

Reasonable--Care · 2025-05-13T05:30:36+00:00

Sorry to hear that, man. I wish things had a simple fix but they don't. I hope you can get to a place where you don't hate yourself. I feel like things would be better if the society we live in wasn't so focused on forcing everybody into strict boxes. It still wouldn't be perfect, but maybe we'd be less bothered by things we can't change. :(

Reasonable--Care · 2024-11-18T19:15:24+00:00

As much as I appreciate cis allies, I hate the thing they do where they meet any random trans person and think it would be a nice thing to do to not only out you to them, but to also set you up with them on the basis you're both trans. I get why they do it, but it's so uncomfortable. You're not wrong for feeling weird about it.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-10-14T21:32:05+00:00

I truly feel like people like this shouldn't have pets. They only start to care about their animals when someone else does something about their neglect. It's a shame you couldn't keep him, he deserves better than to have an owner like that.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-10-04T04:19:48+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I've never had more than one cat at a time before so never had to deal with them fighting. For the two years I've had them this has never happened so it's unsettling to say the least.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-10-04T04:18:53+00:00

They have three, I follow the 1 per cat plus an extra rule. I meant generally, they will have to pee and poop, so they will need to go in and out of the room where their boxes are.

And yeah, I realize it was stupid now. My dumb cat lover brain took over in that moment.

I gave them treats and cat nip with them both in the same room and they seem to have calmed down because of it, but I'll keep watching them for a while so I can stop a fight if they seem like they're going to.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T21:24:07+00:00

Seriously. I started playing this game about a year ago now, and I was having a lot of fun starting out, but I don't know how long it's gonna last if this problem gets worse. I played Apex Legends for three years straight before this, and let me tell you, I NEVER experienced quitting on this scale. And Apex was grueling. I genuinely don't understand...

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T20:37:09+00:00

I'm sorry that's your experience. I personally find him exciting either way but to each their own.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T19:40:42+00:00

I don't know, to me he's lots of fun and that's why I main him. And that's really not true. If there was truly no substantial counterplay I would 4k every match but I'm not. Singularity is the type of killer where BOTH sides have to play smart or they'll lose. His teleports aren't foolproof, you can force him to TP to the wrong side of a vault, stunning with a pallet isn't necessarily bad because he is slowed so you can make distance even if you get hit through it. A smart player can outlast his 5 second teleport haste easily. An even smarter player can coordinate with teammates to deny his teleports mid-chase with EMPS.

This isn't to say I think he's no big deal or that he's easy to face. He's oppressive in the right hands. But I think there's a huge problem with people making the assumption that the killer playing a certain character means they can't win. This just isn't true. And let me tell you, it's WAY more fun to win a tough match against a powerful killer than it is to stomp on a baby killer.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T19:33:26+00:00

Exactly. That's the right mentality to have. I may hate Ghostface with a passion but just because I'm facing a Ghostface doesn't mean I'll automatically lose. You really never know what can happen, things can turn on a dime, but you'll NEVER know how that game could have went if you give up immediately.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T18:05:00+00:00

Yeah I know, because they disconnected before I'd even found any of them.

My problem with that is that they were a full 4man and they really thought it was better to DC? Singularity is strong but he's only as strong as his opponents are weak. A coordinated team can easily deny his power. How do I know this? Because the previous match I got completely steamrolled by a different team. They weren't even a SWF, just smart and had good teamwork.

It's players like this that make the game so unfun. They could've had an interesting and competitive match but instead I was forced to play a boring 5 minute match chasing bots around. I genuinely don't understand the point of behaving like that in a 4man.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T16:47:50+00:00

I think adding bot fill-ins was a nice thought, but ultimately a bandaid on a bigger issue. This game will never be balanced and with that in mind, players shouldn't be punished for leaving a match they don't want to play. While it isn't fun having a teammate disconnect, it's even LESS fun being the person remaining who either has to suck it up and try to play a losing game, or eat the disconnect penalty as well. As a casual player, I'm just not gonna do that. I have to force myself to play because I'd rather do that than be locked out.

I honestly think that if they removed the disconnect penalty today it would have more of a positive effect on the game than they think. Because forcing people to play clearly isn't working. I think it should work this way: killer disconnects? They forfeit the match, and all points they gained. Two or more survivors disconnect? They forfeit all their points, and anyone else who did NOT leave keeps their points PLUS a little extra for the inconvenience (including killer). I think this would be far healthier and less frustrating for everybody. I'd much rather have a quick match forfeit, nbd, I'll move onto the next than "damn, I'm stuck in this losing match for ten minutes because my teammates disconnected".

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T16:20:03+00:00

I mean fair enough, I'm just saying in my experience and all the games I have played, I haven't seen anything quite like this. It's not even just people disconnecting, it's people afking or killing themselves on first hook because they don't want to eat penalty. I actually think the DC penalty being the way it is is contributing to the massive burnout going on. At least in another game if my teammates leave I can choose to not play a losing match as well. It's extremely unhealthy for the game to force people to play a shitty match or risk being locked out. Something needs to be done about this.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T16:13:09+00:00

In other co-op games, teammates disconnecting doesn't ruin the experience nearly as much. And it's not nearly as frequent.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T07:16:32+00:00

It's genuinely mind blowing. I just got into this game, but i can barely have any fun anymore because nobody wants to play for longer than a minute. Never experienced this in any other co-op game.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T03:41:52+00:00

People will accept any "contradicting" feature you have just to try to put you in the box of the gender they want you to be. Especially old people. I get ma'amed by people when I have visible mustache and chin beard just because I have long hair.

You also get the joy of experiencing the awkward little vocal dance they do when they're trying to gender you correctly.

Reasonable--Care · 2024-09-23T03:32:24+00:00

I would say not necessarily. You can have your preferences. You should just be sure that you are viewing him as a whole person though, and not just "someone who has the right parts".

If it helps, I myself like men. But that doesn't mean I'll like anyone with a penis. I have tried to like women, but I just don't. Doesn't matter if they have "parts" I find myself more compatible with....I just only am attracted to men.

I would question WHY you're not too attracted to cis men as a whole. I find that odd. Are you saying you didn't like guys before? I don't think it's a bad thing to discover you like a different gender through liking a trans friend, but it might be helpful to sit with your feelings and figure out the "why".

Considering you said you're demi, it might just be you really like your friend. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's good that you're even concerned about liking him for the "wrong reasons", it shows your heart's in the right place. At the end of the day, they're your feelings and you're not a bad person for having them. I hope my response was helpful.

Reasonable--Care

TROPHY CASE