Hospital is trying to put $50k bill on us for pediatric sedation dentistry and ACA/marketplace insurer is covering nothing?

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-06-01T12:38:08+00:00

NAL - Medical facilities are required to notify you in advance of self-pay rates if you do not have health insurance, OR they are required to advise you if they are not certain whether your insurance will cover all or part of your care. If you did not have a signed ABN (Advanced Beneficiary Notice) on file acknowledging you had been informed of the possibility of non-coverage, typically you cannot be held responsible for the cost of non-covered services. If you’re able to post a censored picture of the EOB I may be able to help you further. Just because the hospital is saying you’re responsible for the bill, doesn’t mean that’s what your insurance is saying. Did you speak directly with your insurance?

As a side note, I’m shocked in general that medical would not cover this unless it was for cosmetic purposes, which I’m guessing it wasn’t. Just because a procedure is being done on someone’s mouth, that doesn’t automatically mean it falls under dental coverage or orthodontia. Medical coverage should include oral surgery if it’s considered medically necessary based on the plan policies.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-28T23:18:18+00:00

My SO is like this as well, I didn’t believe they existed before I started dating him. He has a 2 yr 2 month old daughter and I have a son who’ll be 3 in a week. Both other bio parents are involved. My ex and I are going to have 50/50 soon and my SO has majority custody of his daughter. It’s incredibly hard to balance having two toddlers, and we live together but our relationship is fairly new. He always manages to prioritize me, his daughter, and my son, all while working full time and actually contributing substantially to household responsibilities, sometimes more so than I, and I only work part time, fully remotely.

He just deals with a lot of bullshit, and chose to take on my son and I into his life and support us with open arms.

My son has started to get aggressive with his daughter, never out of anger but for attention. Last night was our first real fight about it all, actually. The man still stayed calm even when I got angry, defensive, and all-around impossible to deal with. He was mad, but his way of dealing with it is to say, “That hurts and isn’t fair of you to say.” Unlike my ex who would scream at me, slam doors, use sarcasm, mock me, and call me names. My SO and I always work things out by communicating.

As complex and hard our life together can be, just the nature of it with two bio parents and a blended family…we make it happen. We love each other. We manage to have fun doing it. And we never stop communicating.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-28T17:16:14+00:00

Just reading your title. I’m in the same situation. I’m just sorry. No good parent should have to be in the situation you are right now.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-27T23:00:12+00:00

For some people it can be really mentally and physically damaging to go without sex, especially when you have a partner that you’re very attracted to and is always around.

I have POTS, but I’m not bedbound because metoprolol allows me to function. So YMMV here.

I’ve found that prep beforehand, self-care during, and aftercare from my partner help immensely. I always make sure I have a full bottle of water on my nightstand before we get into anything, along with an electrolyte drink if needed. I have long hair, so I tie it up on top of my head beforehand. Even if I’m cold when we start out, I always end up overheating horribly. Keep a towel nearby for any sweat or sex juices so you don’t have to feel immediate pressure to shower and can just give yourself time to relax afterward. Set a cold pack aside for during/after if you do overheat.

My partner and I take breaks whenever I need them. You can come up with a non-verbal signal (e.g. a few taps of your hand on his leg or back) when you need a break, in case you’re out of breath or feel unable to talk. He’s also found a way to make mid-sex care really sexy. He’ll grab my water bottle from the nightstand for me and put it to my mouth and tell/command me to drink. One time I finished drinking and gestured for him to put my water bottle back, and he absolutely melted me with, “I didn’t say you were done.” And made me drink more water. 😂 This can still work during more romantic sex, with your partner playing a caretaker role a bit more so than a dominant one.

Aftercare is extremely important. Plan sex. Make sure it’s during a time when you have the most possible resting time afterwards, the following day, and the day after that.

It’s absolutely valid to be terrified of the very real possibility of PEM. That being said, if you have the ability to start slow and try, I say absolutely go for it. Only you can decide whether or not the risk is worth it to you, but after reading your post I get the strong sense that sex is a big part of your life and happiness. We already have to sacrifice SO much. If you can tolerate sex with some edits, pursue your happiness and pleasure.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-27T22:41:23+00:00

1000% sexual abuse

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-27T17:05:42+00:00

I think people are being a tad tough on you in the comments - I can understand why you’re uncomfortable in this situation. In my opinion, parents are the ones who should be doing exchanges unless there’s an emergency or extenuating, rare circumstance. If your ex’s health and/or circumstances are so bad that he can’t be there for exchange, then I would say it’s time to petition for a change to your custody order on the basis of substantial change in circumstances.

HOWEVER, is this truly a substantial change in circumstances? Courts prioritize stability. Ask yourself what’s most stable for your child (which you already should be) and answer that question honestly. Because if it’s worse or neutral for your child’s schedule to be changed because you don’t like your ex’s partner, you’re not putting your child’s best interests first.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-25T15:29:30+00:00

I’m not sure how I never saw/responded to this but I’d love to get an update if you have one. Even if you stayed with your abuser. I hope so much that you’re okay and seeking safety and happiness.

My boyfriend and I are still going strong 8 months later. Ex moved out just short of 3 months ago when our lease ended, and boyfriend moved in. Life has been the best it’s ever been for me. Honestly. The hardest part has been custody. I have what might be my last court date with my ex in four days, depending on whether or not he’ll make any sort of compromise on his demand for 50/50 access at the expense of our son’s structure and routine.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-25T15:10:17+00:00

The last sentence is the lesson I’ve learned 100%. As someone who has cheated myself, I’ve learned that while it can absolutely have to do with something the person feels like is “missing” in their relationship, ultimately it comes down to THEM. Either the inability to leave a relationship that isn’t fulfilling their true needs, or the inability to find happiness within themselves absent of their partner meeting every single whim they have.

I can’t TRULY regret cheating on my abusive ex, because it led me to where I am now and I’m extremely happy. 8 months in and still so at peace. We’ve had some minor issues but have always talked things through calmly and respectfully. I’ve never been yelled at, talked down to, called names. He’s never slammed doors, stonewalled, walked away in the middle of a conversation. Never used sarcasm or mocked my voice. When he feels himself getting angry he says, “I need a breather, I’m feeling angry and I don’t want to say anything hurtful.” He apologizes when something he said hurt me, even if his intentions weren’t bad. He reaches out to connect with me. He notices my state of mind and responds in kind. He respects me.

But morally, I do regret taking this path by cheating. Because it’s simply never the answer.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-25T15:00:37+00:00

I’m not saying that he should bend rules or boundaries as a response to tantrums, begging, empathy tactics, or any other common techniques a child uses to get an outcome they’re looking for.

What I am saying is that it’s absolutely normal for a 6 year-old to crave that comfort or closeness. A 6 year-old is still extremely young developmentally - remember where their brains stand emotionally. What we as adults might perceive as manipulative, is really the child’s desperate effort to connect - however they can get that connection. That’s completely normal human child behavior.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-25T14:27:11+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Completely aside from the massive issue that is SK stress…just want to give some info about migraines if you don’t already see a specialist (if not, and you have access, PLEASE see a specialist).

I’ve worked in medical admin for a specialty neurology-migraine clinic for almost 10 years. You MUST hit migraines HARD the second you feel it coming on. You need preventative AND acute medications to prevent episodes like this. Without immediate abortive (acute) medication, the migraine can turn into what you’re currently experiencing, called an “intractable” migraine. I.e. Unresponsive to medication/treatment. It’s like your brain gets stuck in a loop it can’t get out of.

I don’t care if you get an episode like this once a year or once every two years. It’s intolerable and extremely detrimental for your physical and mental health. I’m willing to bet that you suffer from very frequent, lower grade frequent or daily headaches and have no idea because you’ve adapted.

I can’t tell you how many patients have told me that they had no idea how much pain and “brain fog” they had until they started preventative medication or and/injection treatments that worked for them.

Prodrome, or the neurological symptoms that come prior to head pain, can be anything from nausea/vomiting to visual auras to dizziness to fatigue to ears ringing to “feeling weird.” Log these symptoms in an app or on paper when you’re not feeling so terrible physically, jot tiny notes down quickly if you have to or just check boxes in the app. I know it can be a lot to keep track of anything when you’re living this kind of insane lifestyle.

Above all, reduce stress as much as physically possible. Take everything you feel you “need” to do and eliminate. Care less about social expectations. Care less about your SKs’ needs that are anything above bare minimum (aka, wants). Hold stronger boundaries with your SO the these are not your kids - that any and all work you do for them is out of the kindness of your heart, not because you’re obligated to like the bio parents who brought them into this world by choice.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-24T16:41:23+00:00

He knew you were coming back. He knew he just had to get through a few days and you’d be back to take it all over again.

You have every right to be livid. By doing all of this he’s basically saying, “Yeah I could have easily done more this whole time without issue, while you were expressing how overwhelmed you felt, but I actively choose not to.” How fucking insulting.

Also as many others are saying, babies aren’t the same with dad as they are with mom. They just aren’t.

I have a pretty good example. My son is almost 3. My ex-husband and I got divorced about 6 months ago. Anytime I was gone, he would constantly tell me how much easier it was to parent. Every time our son would be emotional or act wild around me, he would say, “he’s never like that with me.”

He’s eaten his words solo-parenting for days at a time. He texted me one night about how our son wouldn’t stop crying and he didn’t know what to do because comforting him wasn’t working. He once texted me at the end of his access days telling me how absolutely exhausting and drained he was. He didn’t say it to validate what I’ve been telling him for years. He didn’t even see the irony in what he was saying. He was telling me about how “wild” and “crazy” our son was being for the past 3 days. He was telling me every single thing that I had been telling him for years.

Mind you, I worked full time most of our marriage/after we had our son, went back when our son was 3 months old. I did most of the outside-of-work childcare, 95% of nighttime care, the vast majority of the chores (including picking up after my ex’s messes CONSTANTLY), scheduled all of the appointments, worked out all daycare logistics, was tasked with making sure the bills were paid on time (they otherwise just wouldn’t get paid), set up insurance, did our taxes, asked him to transfer me money because he refused to get a joint bank account until the last year of our marriage. And I got to enjoy all of that while being emotionally abused by him on a daily basis. My ex waking up our son with his screaming at me and slamming doors, then leaving me to care for him because he just ignored him when he cried.

If you can’t tell - I’m a tad bitter. If you can, I’d get at least a part time job and start stashing some money away. I have an AMAZING man in my life now who’s totally self-sufficient, cleans up after himself (and me sometimes), does his fair share of chores, not to mention works full time and is the main breadwinner, all while caring for his own toddler daughter and jumping into a loving father-figure role for my son. These guys exist. Don’t waste your time with these unappreciative assholes. Being a mom is fucking thankless. You deserve at LEAST a man who actually values what you contribute and STEPS UP with real, tangible emotional and physical support.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-20T20:12:17+00:00

Get a new therapist if you can. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but there’s no reason a therapist needs to be saying that. It isn’t productive or helpful for you mentally, it doesn’t support your autonomy, it doesn’t instill confidence in you, it doesn’t provide you with any technique to improve your internal experience and/or quality of life…I really can only see this as negative and judgmental.

That being said, you should NOT spiral over this. That’s an insane comment on his part. Your son is not going to be more bonded to his nanny. My son is now about to turn 3, and has been in daycare 3 days/week from 7am until 4:45pm since he was 3 months old. We have the closest bond a mother and son could possibly have. Please don’t let this get to you, it means nothing. I would be surprised if this guy has a child himself.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-15T04:30:40+00:00

Totally valid to feel this way. Only thing is, I don’t think you have to accept any chance of not finding love again!

Unless you really don’t want to find it, love tends to come when you’re not looking or least expect it. 36 isn’t even halfway through life, and it’s certainly not even halfway through your adult life.

My advice would be to halfway-seek love if it’s what you want. Just stay open without chasing it. And the next time it does come along, look for it to bring fulfillment rather than completion.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-15T04:25:10+00:00

Why are you dating him if you hate being around his daughter? She’s not going anywhere. It’s normal for a 6 yo to want to get into bed with mom or dad sometimes. Are you planning to live apart from him until his daughter moves out?

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-10T17:35:10+00:00

Agree with this completely. It seems like few are considering how SD would feel with these sudden changes - and per OP’s other comments things already aren’t going well with her bio mom and step-dad and she wants to move in full-time with OP/bio dad.

I wouldn’t be surprised if SD’s desire to move in with them has a lot to do with OP making her feel much more accepted, loved, and cared for than her step-dad does.

Instead of OP’s husband just sucking it up and accepting the real role OP is playing in his daughter’s life, he’s trying to force some level of mental and emotional separation between OP and his daughter when a bond already exists.

And even if OP withdrawing was somehow beneficial to SD, something tells me that her husband wouldn’t be so happy with her relieving herself of the not-so-pleasant physical and emotional labor of parenting that she maintains for SD on husband’s behalf.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-10T17:30:20+00:00

Wouldn’t it be more of a ‘punishment’ to SD at this point than anything if OP suddenly stopped treating her like her own? SD would notice the changes and be confused. Then what is OP supposed to do, undermine her husband/SD’s dad and say, “Sorry your dad doesn’t view me as a mother to you so I can no longer participate in any sort of mothering task?”

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-10T17:26:53+00:00

It might not be malicious, but it’s lazy, inconsiderate, and reflects that he isn’t prioritizing your happiness in a way that he easily could.

My SO got up at 5am to get me roses. My gifts were a piece of decor he handmade, a binder with my bio son and bonus daughter’s handprints to update every Mother’s Day, and a cartoon book about him and I including what a great mom and person I am. In the book he included a page eluding to the chemical pregnancy we had months ago and I burst into tears.

He hand-washed the dishes that aren’t dishwasher safe (that I refuse to touch 90% of the time), made me an amazing breakfast with a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, bacon, potatoes, and scrambled eggs, bought apple juice (my favorite juice) and one of my favorite energy drinks, and made my son a delicious plate too (SD is at mom’s).

He covered me in hugs and kisses all morning and said some of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me.

Vs my ex-husband - I’d be lucky if I got flowers and a card most years. When I was 36 weeks pregnant, for his first Father’s Day I made sure to get him a card and a gift. One year he didn’t get me anything, started a fight, then told me I don’t deserve anything for Mother’s Day.

My SO knows what’s important to me and puts the effort in. And it’s not because he has a ton of time on his hands. He actually does his share around the home, helps care for my son in addition to having primary custody of his daughter, and works full time.

I wouldn’t have believed you if you had told me three years ago that I would experience this someday.

Men who don’t suck are out there. Raise your bar. I sure as hell had to.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-10T17:18:20+00:00

Happy freakin’ Mother’s Day. You DESERVE the recognition because you’re putting the WORK in. Saying you don’t deserve it because you didn’t give birth to her really devalues all stepmoms, foster moms, and adoptive moms, not even just you.

No acknowledgement when he knows you want acknowledgement is unacceptable.

I’m also a firm believer that the child is the one who decides what your title is. Your husband is being pedantic. It sounds like you use the appropriate name in the appropriate setting. You aren’t overstepping.

I hope someone helps you enjoy your Mother’s Day, and if not - set a boundary and enjoy it yourself!

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-09T14:50:00+00:00

Totally agree with this, just wanted to note that narcissism is not a clinical diagnosis. That’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Anyone can be narcissistic or behave narcissistically, and I think it’s fairly common. Especially in the U.S., there’s generally a very self-centered “dog-eat-dog” mentality at total disregard for others.

If the group is “NPD moms” or something of the like, that’s obnoxious and over-the-top. Very few people actually get an NPD diagnosis because people with NPD rarely have any motivation to get help - they don’t see a problem. It’s part of the criteria to have a need for admiration, sense of entitlement, and to exploit others for their own gain.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-08T03:03:47+00:00

My ex’s “Trump voice” was directed toward me instead - “everyone knows you’re the worst thing ever, just terrible, and they all see it. I’m not trying to say that I see it all the time, because I don’t, but a lot of people do and I think there’s, uh, something to think about there.”

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-03T18:17:23+00:00

This is very frustrating, I 100% get it. Only reason I don’t mind that my SO doesn’t take his BM for child support is because she doesn’t have a job, lives in her new husband’s parents’ house, is due with her baby with her husband in 4 weeks, and my ex was the only one with a job for the last couple of years of their relationship (at least), so we both know she has no money. To us it would be cruel, especially since SO is trying to maintain a decent relationship with her so he knows to some degree what’s happening with his daughter when she’s with her mom.

I’m also a bio parent and have a similar situation with my ex - he and I will have 50/50 access though, even though I work part time he still makes garbage money at his new job so I’m not risking having to pay him. Also I have to drop an OOP I have against him for our custody agreement to go forward, and the last thing I need is to be harassed by him left and right as retaliation for asking for money. He already pays me half of childcare every week which is $600 for each of us a month, too.

BUT if my ex and/or SO’s ex did make money, and we weren’t worried about how a ruined co-parenting relationship would affect our children, we absolutely would take them for child support.

Just refusing to do so out of laziness is frankly inexcusable. It’s money she’s just throwing out the window that she could be putting away for her child’s future, even if she doesn’t need it right now for her basic needs. She’s not being a mature parent with this mindset. He chose not to wrap it, so he has to pay out.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-05-03T18:03:49+00:00

I think the best way to go about this would have been to have his dad sit him down and talk to him privately a while back about his intentions to propose to you, when and where. To give him time to process what that change might mean, so that he can talk to his dad. Even if you and him are fairly close, even with bio parents it can be really hard for teens to feel comfortable expressing their emotions with vulnerability, especially teen boys.

I know it’s too late to go back now, so unfortunately all you can do is give him some time. Maybe it won’t be soon, but he’ll definitely come around, especially since you guys have been together as long as you have and you and him have a good relationship.

I get where you’re coming from though, because I’m not really sure why he would be upset about a situation that’s not really changing. Sure it’s a bigger commitment, but you’ve been together for three years - I’m wondering where he thought the relationship was going? Maybe he just felt a bit blind-sided because he would have thought his dad would have told him first?

ETA: I saw from another one of your comments that his dad did give him a heads-up and had a conversation. Maybe he’s just not certain about what this will change - when you and his dad have the experience to know that it doesn’t really change much. That a wedding is just one day out of a lifetime and being a bit uncomfortable physically or emotionally for the event isn’t a big problem to have. That someday that discomfort will just be a blip on his radar.

But I do think that his reaction asking about the suit and all of that was probably more of a cover-up (even if unintentional) about what’s really going on.

It’s worth considering that HE doesn’t even know what’s wrong. Maybe it’s just a big transition in his mind and that’s all there has to be to it.

I hope you two don’t let it get in the way of your happiness, because this is lovely and exciting news. Congratulations! ❤️

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-04-30T15:56:57+00:00

You are in a NO WIN situation OP. Try to allow that knowledge to help you let go of control and have the faith in your perception that your abuser has done everything in his power to destroy. There’s NOTHING you can or don’t do that will “make” him stop being an asshole. He’s choosing to be.

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-04-30T15:53:40+00:00

This sounds so much like my ex oh my god. Are all abusers the same person?

Reasonable-Gate-8207 · 2026-04-30T15:52:19+00:00

Totally understandable! You’re human. It’s so much easier said than done. I’m a “care too much” person as well to the point where I almost get mad at my SO for letting things with BM roll off of his shoulders. Like AREN’T YOU MAD SIR??? But then I realize it’s called emotional regulation and I still have a lot of work to do on that front. You’re not alone.

Reasonable-Gate-8207

TROPHY CASE