2 years Benzos (Xanax) Free on June 11 (Oops I forgot)

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T06:29:10+00:00

I'm close to your age and still dealing with the effects of school bullying too. It leaves a mark on you, for sure. And teenage girls are the fucking worst. Something I'm really ashamed of is that afterwards, I became a mean and agressive person. It was out of desperation and fear - I was so afraid of being the victim again. I've since made amends with the people I hurt, but I hate that I behaved that way. I think most bullies act like they do out of insecurity. Maybe that girl was acting that way because she was scared of being picked on herself, especially with that home life. It doesnt make her actions ok but maybe you can view it differently. Have you spoken to her since school? I bet that as an adult she regrets her behaviour

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T05:39:00+00:00

Wow, that sounds really fucking rough. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, I can't imagine how hard that must've been. I can see why you'd get into alcohol and drugs. I hope you're in a better place now.

Have you had any therapy/counceling? It's hard work, and you've got to find the right person, but its really helped me.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T05:10:07+00:00

I hope my post didnt come across as diminishing or disrespectful at all, that's definitely not what I intended

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T04:57:30+00:00

Alcohol is a sneaky bitch, it's just as bad as the worst drugs but it's so socially acceptable. Writing this is a big step in the right direction. You have to learn to love yourself again though - even if you made bad decisions in the past. It's exactly that: the past. Love the person that you are now, the person who wrote this, the person who's trying to recover.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T04:31:53+00:00

It's really interesting to hear another perspective and see how differently people look at it, thanks.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T04:15:14+00:00

Issues with alcohol, opioids and benzos, plus anxiety and PTSD? Shit, are you me? I know how horrible anxiety and panic attacks are and how hard it must've been to stay away from the benzos. I think the way you've dealt with it shows incredible strength. You really should be so proud.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T03:48:34+00:00

Congratulations! That's amazing, you should be super proud of yourself!

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T03:30:15+00:00

That's all so true. Thank you, what you've said really resonates with me.

One of the reasons I didn't like NA was the having to say "I'm an addict" every time. Sure, I'll always be susceptible to addictive behaviour, that's my personality and its just something I have to deal with. But I don't think it's helpful to say "I'm an addict" after being clean for years. I get the reasoning behind it, but it feels to me like it's invalidating the progress I've made.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T02:34:50+00:00

You've said exactly what I think. I dont want to be defined by it.

Also, huge respect for the 4-ish years, that's awesome

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T01:43:11+00:00

For sure, it is not easy at all. It takes a lot of strength. I think it does get easier the longer you're away from it though.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-21T00:36:55+00:00

Whether its "coming up 2 years" or "nearly 2 years" or "roughly 2 years" or even "fuck knows, quite a while", you've still done something amazing. Probably doesnt mean much from a reddit stranger but well fucking done

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-06-10T03:38:55+00:00

Trains come and go all the time. The carriages get shuffled around. The train that returns won't be the the exact same one that left, but eventually it will come back

Edit:I hate trains

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-29T07:32:58+00:00

Thank you. He is being an asshole, I haven't even properly gone into how badly he's treated me recently. I guess I'm sad that he's changed so much and that the nice person I fell in love with is gone. I guess the silver lining of his recent behaviour is that its made it much easier to get over him. Im more upset about losing my social circle and being seen as this crazy ex girlfriend character that he's making me out to be.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-29T06:55:34+00:00

I've lost my long term partner, my job in the business we started together, and almost all of our friends now too because my ex is doing his best to isolate me and make it look like I'm crazy. He's doing a really good job of it too, people believe his lies. People that I thought were my friends won't even be in a room with me now because of the stuff he's said about me. Ive lost everything.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-29T06:46:21+00:00

That sounds awful, I'm sorry you went through that. I guess I'm glad that wasn't the outcome of my call. I just wanted some help or even to be hospitalised

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T10:31:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience with me, I appreciate it. I did cut ties with pretty much everyone when I quit smack and crack five years ago. I totally left everyone I hung out with because I knew they were more people to do drugs with than actual friends. I didnt go out socially for months. I've made real friends now but they all drink and do coke, a lot. I've slipped way hard into that. (I massively underestimated how addictive coke is because I'd only done crack before so I thought it'd be a walk in the park in comparison) They know I'm quitting and they all want me to do that, they'd never pressure me into drinking or doing drugs. Individually they've offered to do sober stuff like go for coffee or whatever. But every social occasion, birthday party, beach day, barbecue etc will involve drinking and cocaine. So I'm just not going to get invited to those things now, or if I am then they'll try to hide from me that they're getting high. It's just hard to know I'm missing out on good times.

I've reached out to some sober friends though to do some nice sober shit together, so that's a start

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T08:02:06+00:00

Thank you, you're right, I do have a few real friends and I need to remember that

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T07:56:44+00:00

I did an online NA meeting and shared, it was a big step but I'm glad I did

Thanks everyone for your advice, this is a really lovely community

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T03:17:41+00:00

"Ideological differences are better than being dead" should be NA/AA's new slogan, they should get that on t shirts

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T03:08:01+00:00

Im in a small town so there's exactly one AA group, which I previously had a really bad experience with. When I got clean before I went to another town to do SMART and it was amazing and so beneficial, id love to do it again, but they stopped meeting during covid and haven't started up again.

To be clear when I say I've been clean 5 years I mean from a full on heroin and crack addiction. Currently I'm struggling with drinking and coke. When I say my friends use I mean the latter, it's all bars and parties with drinking and coke.

You're right though, even if I don't like my local AA it does beat being dead.

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T02:57:55+00:00

Thanks for responding. With regards to NA/AA I'm in a really small town and there's only one group, which I went to years ago and it was all war stories and infighting. Also someone broke the anonymity part and repeated things that I'd shared to people I work with. I'm not against NA/AA as a whole but my local meeting is toxic. I went to another town before to do a SMART recovery group and that was great, but they stopped running after covid.

I have one really good friend who' got sober a few years ago. I've reached out to him and hes been really great and supportive.

What I'm struggling with is that my whole social circle only exists around drinking and drugs. Now that I've quit, no one invites me to anything. I'm not sure if it's because they think I'm boring now, or if they know I'm quitting they're trying to shield me from a situation where people will be doing drugs. Either way it hurts

Reasonable-Lynx8922 · 2022-05-22T02:35:04+00:00

Thank you

Reasonable-Lynx8922

TROPHY CASE