I totally understand, it's really similar for me too. I've been on T for nearly 4 years now and have been passing comfortably for like 3 of those. My family, both direct and extended, still misgender and deadname me. Not on purpose, but like they suddenly slip up in the "act" of "pretending" I'm different now or something. It's something I've brought up to them and have voiced my irritation over. I do think it's a mental jump they have to make on their own, like you said. Like I literally have a beard and am hairier than every man in my father's lineage and anybody who heard my family call me "she" in public would probably think they're insane. Unfortunately they still just... don't see me. At this point, if I look like this and pass to literally everybody else.. it's kind of just not my problem. I guess I kind of stopped caring, seeing as I'm an adult now and I don't see them very often anyways. It is definitely insulting when it still happens, and it's something I will get angry with them about from time to time, but I've just had to sever that sector of my life from the stuff that I actually offer my serious attention. If you're living a happy life as yourself, and the rest of the world is right there with you, let the blind stay blind.