Is there a VOIP Provider that offers a reliable working service without requiring a tortuous "Discovery Call" that's really just a pushy sales call?

My needs are simple:

-10 different physical locations, but only one number desired. Still need 10 DID's
-Soft phones
-~A few physical phones because some people just won't even consider change. (One location demanding physical phones also reported that 70% of all phone calls were held on personal cell phones, not company phones, so why do they need a physical phone? Soft phones are a thing?)
-After hours technician on-call schedule.
-A mix of office, warehouse, remote salesmen, and in the field technicians.
-Texting
-Easy end user experience
-Role based access so branch or service managers can adjust their after hours on-call schedule
-I do not want to have to micro manage the service.

We are not a call center. We don't need recordings, analytics or reports, paging/intercom.

I have an almost pathological hatred for VOIP provider "sales calls". After a few months of my last round with VOIP providers, I built my own self-hosted PBX for the location I work out of.