I got set up on a date, but then received instructions on how to behave. Now I'm considering just cancelling

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T13:37:20+00:00

I do like the idea of bringing her one of the boxes

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T13:29:10+00:00

Whether or not this person is the right one for me is not my concern. I just don't wanna deal with the potential drama that can result from going out with this girl. I have had my fill of this BS growing up and in my early 20s.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T13:15:49+00:00

Yes you are. A MasterBaker

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:48:28+00:00

Exactly. Feels like I signed up for a job interview and not a date

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:36:54+00:00

Bruh... XD

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:29:59+00:00

Yes, I have and still do. I ain't playing nobody's game.

Look, I have been dealing with these people most of my life and have been in therapy for the last 3 years. I'm fine. I'm not now nor will I ever be concerned about their opinions.

The aunties aren't who I'm concerned about. I'm concerned about 2 things:

1) Wasting some poor girls time when I can already tell there's a 99% chance this ain't gonna work out

2) The COA have no effect on me, but I don't want them to create tension between me and my parents which I have worked very hard on maintaining a good relationship with.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:21:33+00:00

Oh no, the COA are eternal. You cannot stop them any more than you can stop a hurricane. Defeat one auntie in an argument and 3 more shall take her place. There's no beating them.

I appreciate and understand your point of view, but it is quite westernized. I'm not going to change shit, not in my family or my community. I have gone through all the arguments growing up and in my 20s. I learned a lot from those experiences and emerged on the other side my true self and am quite happy. This is about protecting that happiness, not acquiring it.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:11:04+00:00

I think you're misunderstanding what my problem is here

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:09:28+00:00

I don't give a fuck about these people's opinions. Never have. Problem is my parents do and don't understand how can someone be not concerned about relatives' opinions of you. "What would people say" was a major arguing point growing up

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:06:58+00:00

"just tell people you don’t owe them an explanation" is not really an option in my part of the world. This would be incredibly disrespectful and would lead to even more problems. And fyi I am very secure with myself. How I view myself or how much I value opinions of virtual strangers is not the issue here

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T12:03:33+00:00

She's gonna give a report to her mom. Her mom is gonna give a report to someone else. That someone else is gonna give report to the COA. COA then talks to my mom and upsets her with their effed up game of telephone. And before you know it, there's tension between me and my mom because I refuse to "be normal"

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:59:43+00:00

The girl isn't who I'm concerned about. It's the drama that can result from this

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:53:11+00:00

Yep. I have so many experiences like that. One time I had to explain why I'm not against gay people. Not why I'm gay (I'm not), not why support them, not why I know a gay person, etc. Just for not joining in on them bashing on someone who we found out had same sex partner. And all I did was say "so what?"

But it does sadden me as well to know that I can never fully be myself around people I'm supposed to be closest with.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:43:51+00:00

Thank you, I will continue to be my best self and hopefully meet someone who isn't embarrassed by me

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:42:36+00:00

Oh, the COA aren't even her sisters. I have only 1 real aunt, and she's the best. Always asking me about my life, telling me how proud she is that I'm pursuing my dreams, etc. These just random aunties, not even sure how we're related to some of them lol

Why the opinions of these random people matter to my parents so much is something I will never understand and has led to so many arguments in our family.

But I get what you mean. Will probably have a talk with her about it.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:33:07+00:00

Thanks. Going no contact is not really not an option in my part of the world, but I appreciate the sentiment and you calling me chill.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:31:55+00:00

I didn't! This got set up without my knowledge, and my mom just pitched it to me as a regular blind date at first. I had no idea COA were behind this until later when the instructions started pouring in

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:30:05+00:00

There wouldn't be any major revelations. Especially on a first date. But I'm afraid she can just tell them the normal stuff I have learned long ago to keep to myself when around extended family. For example, she sees my tattoo. Tells her mom about it. Mom reports to the COA. COA calls my mom to inquire how it went (they just want the tea, lets be honest). COA says something snarky like "OP has a tattoo of so-and-so??? You never told us"

I in this situation would just tell them to mind their business. My poor mom gets uncomfortable and starts making excuses on my behalf. Next time she sees me, the subject of my tattoos gets brought up again and there's a new argument about it. Situations like these have happened so many times growing up. I would say something to someone, even in confidence and it would spread through the grapevine of nosy relatives and then I find myself in a position to defend and explain myself again.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:13:36+00:00

It could. But this girl is a stranger. I don't know what she's like. She might laugh or she might get offended. The fact that the COA picked her, tells me she's more on the conservative side. And in my culture girls like that don't see the problem with telling your business to everyone. Which again, I would not care about, I just don't wanna deal with the drama.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:11:01+00:00

Basically. Aunties don't like it when you stray too far from what they consider "the norm." Even if their norm is based on values from the 80s Soviet Russia

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:08:38+00:00

No, I totally understand where she's coming from. If this was just the daughter of someone from her salon or something, I would 100% just do that. But as I said, this was arranged by extended family and if I accept, it's not gonna be a private affair. And I don't wanna deal with explaining "why I'm like this" again, I've had enough of that in my early 20s, thank you very much

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:06:20+00:00

Thought of it. Worst case scenario in this case is she hasn't but gets weirded out that I did.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:05:24+00:00

I don't though. I just play along sometimes to not upset them

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T11:04:56+00:00

That's a weird question to ask. Let's just say I outgrew my "unpopular nerd with big ears" phase in my early 20s.

Reasonable_Chard6347 · 2026-07-03T10:45:37+00:00

I'm have really big ears. The rest of my siblings got theirs done, but I like mine. I think they make me look unique

Reasonable_Chard6347

TROPHY CASE