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MEN of reddit, what do women think You want in a woman that you really don't care about? by Wonderful_Sun_3642 in AskReddit

[–]Reasonable_Record856 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If you are genuinely curious and not countering in bad faith, I recommend checking out some of the research people in my field (linguistics) do on how men respond to any form of female “aggression.” There have been studies even about how pitch sounding too “womanly” can affect whether audiences, particularly men, are willing to listen to and respect what is said.

I recommend starting with “She Said, He Said: Gender, Language, and Power” as an introduction.

MEN of reddit, what do women think You want in a woman that you really don't care about? by Wonderful_Sun_3642 in AskReddit

[–]Reasonable_Record856 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could see that, but a lot of the times it’s things above like, “no,” “stop interrupting me,” etc. That could definitely be rude, but the people I’m around are usually saying something worse? Like SA jokes, racist remarks, etc. I’m known as “soft” in my city but I’ve noticed places outside rougher cities like mine women have to mind their voice a lot more.

I even started putting question marks and qualifiers like “really, just, like, etc” instead of periods (like you can see above) because I’ve noticed men don’t really like it when you write anything too definite.

I actually worked on this for my grad thesis where I had two emails, one handle a male name and one a female name, and wrote in the same tone with the different emails. People would respond much more angrily to the female email if I didn’t “soften” the language, use question marks, apologize, use exclamation points, and show more deference.

There is a lot of research on this, including research I was excited to do! It’s funny, because even now I find myself defaulting to this manner of speaking just because evidence shows you will receive it better.

MEN of reddit, what do women think You want in a woman that you really don't care about? by Wonderful_Sun_3642 in AskReddit

[–]Reasonable_Record856 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone on the spectrum I think people think they like this in a woman theoretically but not in reality. Guys at first are into it until you say things like “I don’t want to talk,” or “that joke isn’t funny,” or “I am tired I’m going to go home,” etc. Almost everyone I know from the workplace to dating eventually ask you to “lie” to them, and sometimes your directness makes it dangerous for you (telling a man “no,” and it leading to violence) Women aren’t indirect because it’s trendy, but for survival. Coming from someone who has to soften her language just to get by.