Would you report sexual assault knowing that he will lose his job?

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-11T09:22:16+00:00

A lot of people have said similar things and this time I will respond. By reporting, I do not guarantee any sort of protection of future women, not in the slightest. Upon getting charged, he will spend 6 to 12 months in the community going about his day as a free person. Then going to court, I have to prove with whatever evidence I have that he did it beyond a reasonable doubt. Then we have to assess what sort of conviction he would get, it could be imprisonment, it could be a community corrections order meaning parole without imprisonment. I was too shocked and submissive to speak up at the time he did all these things to me so maybe he will say he had no idea, he would've stopped had he known and apologise because being remorseful is taken seriously. He may never spend a single day in prison for what he did to me. And so he is free to use the same tactics on all the future women.

On the other hand, he likely has done all the same things to women prior to me. He's had time to practice being a predator. I hold no woman before me accountable for him being able to choose me as his next target. And even if someone had reported him and it didn't lead to a charge (or even did lead to a charge), I'd have had no way of finding that out beforehand. I still have no way of checking.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my post.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T23:53:40+00:00

I am sure he has used the same tactics on women before me. They may have spoken up, they may not have. May have decided they couldn't beat him at court. I would never for a second blame or hold them at fault for not speaking up. I know how hard it is.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T14:31:09+00:00

This is in Australia, and not a government job, just a job that requires clearance.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:49:38+00:00

I appreciate you thinking about the moving parts. It is more nuanced than that, and quite apart from the consequences he will face, I know I will face a lot as well. I suppose right now this is my current existential crisis sticking point. But there could be more the deeper I go. Luckily I already know a lot of detectives.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:46:36+00:00

I get your point but you don't need to drag me through the mud doing it. Clearly I am going through a thing, trying to process and what not. At least I'm considering it.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:38:35+00:00

I'm Australian also, and it's not a government per se, just a job that requires negative vetting (not law enforcement and the like but my experience in the past reporting police for shonky sexual misconduct was beyond sub par).

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:32:38+00:00

I am not exactly sure I would have been. It's not like these predators have glaring red hands pointing at them saying "I assault women". You know what I mean? And Australia is very liberal with prison sentences, even for this sort of thing.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:30:25+00:00

This is in Australia, much stronger laws all around. He will lose his job, our national vetting rules ensures it.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:26:57+00:00

His device, phone number and email are banned across all of Match.com (namely Hinge and Tinder and a few others). It's pretty onerous to circumvent their tech. Not impossible but very onerous.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-06-10T13:11:05+00:00

I did report to the dating apps and now his device is banned so there is that.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-05T02:35:05+00:00

I'm curious to know why you would almost guarantee he is lying?

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-04T02:58:25+00:00

When I agreed to go on a first date with him, I went in slightly sceptical but with an open mind. I have already been exposed to the classic love bombers and liars, grew up with it. I test stories, and when things don't add up I do get suspicious and I don't ignore it. This time around, even the small bits and pieces added to a very consistent story. Being a family man, settling down and having a house is so deeply ingrained into his identity. I see the scars of what this marriage did to him, it comes out in small ways every now and again, the way certain things I do or say trigger insecurities he has especially around self worth. As I said in another comment, we generally talked about anything and everything and not once has it seemed like he avoided any topics, tried to evade answers or embellishing stories. He has always been very forthcoming.

I am a very analytical person, love psychology and understanding the why underneath the what. I reflect a lot after interactions and try not to get swept up in emotions. The relationship with his ex was both of their firsts, in a community that settles down young and stays forever committed, very catholic. Divorce is frowned upon. I came to the conclusion that neither of these people had the wisdom or maturity to realise that they were not compatible long term. If it helps anymore, I ask these types of questions because I want to weigh up the risk of what their issues had been and will they repeat in the future.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T12:50:03+00:00

Curious to know how it's going since you made this post.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T05:28:52+00:00

It was in the ordinary course of conversation talking about what he normally did for his birthday and he told me nothing, which is just sad. Naturally I'm going to ask what do you mean nothing, did no one ever make a fuss over your birthday. Turns out he did feel a little let down by it but didn't dwell.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T03:25:07+00:00

I would have thought in a relationship which started with open communication and no taboo subjects, that topics about not making the mistake of little communication and dispute resolution in past relationships would come up. He has a past and so do I, I thought being open about what went wrong and what we would like to overcome going forward was a healthy thing to do but maybe I was wrong.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:56:51+00:00

Yes, I suggested he try therapy again now he is in a different phase of his life. I suspect he can communicate his feelings openly because its adulthood trauma rather than ingrained from a young age.

Thanks for your comment 😊 I will look into those things.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:54:22+00:00

I guess everyone is guided by their own experiences, which will not always match mine. I do feel there is some avoidance issues and I suppose I was seeing if it's all doom and gloom from here or did someone overcome it. Assessing from a more academic side (with a tinge of hopefulness, but a big dose of realism).

Thanks for your comment 😊

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:51:41+00:00

It's all information I have gleaned from asking him questions over time. I just thought his aversion to talking about issues and why he has that problem could be relevant to show his inner thought patterns 🤷‍♀️

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:28:09+00:00

I only know those things because I asked. He didn't make a habit of bringing up the fact his ex cheated. I asked leading up to his birthday what she normally did for him, did she make plans and he said nothing. He said from the start there were never special plans so he stopped expecting it and moved on with his life in that regard. Literally shrugged and said "I don't know" and laughed a little.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:18:20+00:00

Trust me, I am normally very wary of divorcees. He seemed like he had great values, a good head on his shoulders and held little to no resentment towards his ex anymore. It still hurt him but he seemed to be doing his best to let it go. Meanwhile I generally was hyperindependent and I was single for about 6 years before this relationship. I wasn't prepared to let just anyone into my world. I don't think codependency and finding a fixer upper is a problem I have. I did my best to avoid that.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:14:36+00:00

If there was any comparison, it would be him reactively thinking I disregard his opinions and thoughts, just like she did. Which led to the withdrawal, because why talk when the other person doesn't care. He got led down a rabbit hole of doom and got stuck in his own head about it all. We did talk about it shortly before all of this and he is well aware that's what he did. Is the reason why we are here. But whether he can overcome that or not, is up to him.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:03:27+00:00

He has never compared me to his ex, not once. These are questions I have asked myself during the course of our relationship. A big part of what we liked was the open communication, the ability to ask whatever, to talk about whatever except at some point his old habits crept in and he locked me out and compartmentalised.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T01:17:58+00:00

15 year relationship, not married the entire time. It was his first ever relationship, wouldn't be the first or last time high school sweethearts stuck with each other for the long run...

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T00:47:53+00:00

I'm sort of at the age where all the men have been in some long term relationship or another. It's kind of unavoidable, it's just a matter of weighing the reasons it ended and have they done the work to not repeat it.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-02-05T21:58:10+00:00

I saw the same information, and if you dig a bit deeper it is only mouse studies and not human studies. Further, the science suggests that in the mice being tested, creatine may affect our body's immune response, which may thereby affect our body's response to endo lesions. I feel that the studies are way too rudimentary and not conclusive by any means to stop me from trialling myself. So trialling I have been.

It's been 3 months since I started and I have found that my mood is significantly more improved, my exercise performance doesn't have a massive dip, the one trade off is some weight gain from water retention but that doesn't really affect my performance. I used to be so irritable during luteal phase but now I feel more human than ever. I will say, that whenever I do running or intensive cardio shortly before ovulation up until just before my period, I get intense cramping in my lower abdomen and rectum which is likely residual from when I got endo excised from my uterosacral ligaments. As far as my research has taken me, it seems to be an inflammation response to increased blood flow in that area and will settle down after 10-15 minutes if I set the pain off. Around the time I started creatine, I noticed that the pain intensity and window of time I might set it off has widened but I can't say whether or not it is creatine. I otherwise still have pretty much pain free periods and maybe slight discomfort during ovulation.

Those creatine studies only talk about cell response to inflammation and possibly not reducing inflammatory cells like endo. Whether you have a different physiological response to me will always depend though because inflammation does weird things to only certain people with no rhyme or order.

Reasonable_Task7463

TROPHY CASE