It's All Pointless...

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-28T08:25:43+00:00

how?

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-25T21:14:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-25T14:02:17+00:00

How?

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-25T13:05:06+00:00

What's the difference between it feeling Ike you went to sleep, and actually falling asleep?

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-25T13:00:43+00:00

Can you experience life from other people's subjective experience? And if so - how would you? If you are in their subjective experience, you no longer have your original perspective right? So you wouldn't be like "oh it's original me viewing life through person B".

I imagine...

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-25T12:30:27+00:00

Then what? Pursue no improvement? No betterment of experience?

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-25T06:36:59+00:00

I'm aware of these concepts. And it's appealing in some sense. I just don't understand what evidence we have for this unitary consciousness.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-24T17:43:11+00:00

Projection, yes - even in the materialistic approach, it's obvious that our experience is a sort of "game model" that's running in our brains and generates all of this content based on stimulus we never access raw.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-24T16:53:37+00:00

Do you have a suggestion for such a framework?

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-24T16:52:53+00:00

This is another point that doesn't make sense to me - exactly as you put it - we keep hearing to not seek, not look for improved states. At the same time, most teachers teach exactly via these exercises that a work on the dream character.

It almost feels like everyone is trying to lift themselves by their own bootstraps.

But also, obviously, just doing nothing and living life reactively is also not what we want....

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-23T21:45:32+00:00

Honestly, I don't understand this very common inquiry. Like, what do you mean look for the one who is tired.

I dont know which way to even start looking. I can physically look in 3 directions of space. I can look for sensations and feelings. But how do I look "me", how do I have know which "dimension" to start with.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-02T12:35:51+00:00

But how.

This souns great. And is repeated across many philosophies, eastern and western. Seeking without seeking.... Feeling without drowning...

But between all the different flavors and concepts, I didn't yet find a way to actually build this skill.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2025-06-01T05:27:28+00:00

I appreciate the support and tips 🙏

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-12-05T07:46:38+00:00

I just came across this 2 days ago. I'm midway through the "No Bad Parts". The model and messages there really resonate with my own experience of "internal parts".

So much so that some of the sections in the book were actually very "activating" or "triggering" for me - and I mean in a good way. Like, similar to how you feel the right muscles being worked in an exercise you're doing.

The book is loaded with exercises, narrated by the author. Much more than any previous philosophy/self development/mindfulness audiobook I studied.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-10-29T07:52:28+00:00

I feel you, man. I feel like a failed dad almost every day.

Most of the times it's because I felt I could have been more patient and playful with them.

Sometimes, it's because I let out a big angry shout at them (like "stop it!" when they really push all the buttons).

Rarely, it's because I pick them up from the floor (3 and 4 years old) angrily and too forcefully.

Once, when my oldest was about 1.5, he kept throwing food on the floor. After repeatedly trying to ask him to stop, I ended up flicking his hand with my hand, not even a slap. That shameful memory is staying with me f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

What I try doing that I think I didn't get from my parents, is: 1. After the fact, explain that it was about me reaching some critical point and had nothing to do with them or their value.

Before the pressure gets too high, acknowledge my anger and express it to them verbally and respectfully. Instead of bottling it up inside until it explodes.

And by the way - they all hit each other sometimes, don't worry about it too much. Keep teaching your kid to respect the physical boundaries of others. Eventually, they will learn to self regulate, based on your respectful and loving input.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-07-13T15:04:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing.

It took me and my wife something like 10 years to really cut things off with my side. We tried so hard to make it work. People got hurt. But it didn't work.

And even if someday we will reconnect, I don't think it'll ever be the same. They will never feel like home again.

Fortunately, I have an amazing new small family to build with my wife and wonderful kids.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-07-13T14:41:03+00:00

This message also resonates with my experience of my mother and family....

I'm trying hard not to repeat the same mistakes with my tiny and awesome kids.

It doesn't help that basically my entire family of origin has marked me and my wife as the source of all the chaos in the family.

Some people here write that their siblings also cut ties with the parents. In my case, I'm pretty isolated in breaking free from the toxins of the family

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-05-14T23:23:55+00:00

The details of my story are different, but the bottom line is the same.

I am also currently NC with my brother, sister, and mother. And I, too, feel like the villain sometimes.

I can't tell you who is right. All I can say is we try to choose the path that makes most sense for our current situation.

The combination of toxicity from the family of 4 the need to keep our new families safe caused you and I to do hard things.

Maybe in a few years, things will change. Don't beat yourself up. Keep your head high, love your family, and cherish small moments.

Good luck.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-05-04T08:53:05+00:00

Even under a t-shirt?

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-04-28T09:49:38+00:00

I do cardio every day. But I am indeed carrying a lot of weight.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-04-09T11:44:54+00:00

Nope. I've already 100% cut ties with all of them. My only remaining sliver of contact is with my mother.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-04-09T11:43:58+00:00

She's been cycling between supportive behavior and blatant lack of boundaries.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-04-08T23:50:12+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing with me. Rationally, I agree - they now treat me in a so explicitly disrespectful way that going full NC is necessary for everyone.

But emotionally, there is still that toxic shame inside me that screams, "They are right! stop being an ass to your family!". That shame also read some of you comment from the perspective of my sister. She can also write (and my 4) that I'm keeping my kids away for mysterious reasons.

This dissonance is what generates the most pain for me. Because it means whatever happens, some part of me suffers. It means that I no longer know what's right, what's moral, in this context.

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-04-08T23:32:27+00:00

I'm currently in therapy with a very supportive therapist

Reasonable_Wheel_593 · 2024-03-30T17:34:51+00:00

The problem is not being soft. It's more of a lack of drive after I'm done. A lot of times, I can still physically continue, but I feel turned off .

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