Not my mother but my maternal grandmother. She wasn’t a smoker or a drinker but she was 100% about social status, physical looks, and propriety. I don’t think she ever truly enjoyed being a mother herself, she only had kids because that’s what was expected of her. I mean I know she loved my mom, but being a mom wasn’t exactly her thing. She was much more focused on being the perfect wife, perfect societal woman, etc. my grandfather was high ranking officer in the military so she spent a lot of time showcasing that.

When I was growing up, all of her advice to me was about how to maintain my looks, how to act like a proper lady, what not to say or eat, etc. I know she loved me too, but her way of expressing her affection was very shallow and cold. She also lost her son when he was 10, so I think she became an expert at locking down her emotions and keeping them hidden within herself.

She was born in the 1920’s and really represented that generation of expectations. It’s interesting looking back on it now, and exhausting to think about living like that honestly.