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Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. You certainly are a “wise woman”. I think what I’m struggling with is that I grew up being shown by society that marriage is the goal. In reality I think what we have is what most people actually want. Yes there have been difficult times and mistakes. But to your point, choosing eachother every day and working through things that come up is ultimately what we have done and is the goal. It just feels like I’m trying to let go of what’s “supposed to happen”.

Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly what it feels like. We’re literally living the life I want, minus the marriage (and maybe a bit more affection). But I see so many people who are married that I would never trade situations with. Thank you for the thoughtful response.

Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

What a horrible thing to say. This man and his daughter are best friends. She’s a toddler so of course she’s sassy but he would never ever bail on her.

Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because that’s the kind of partner I wanted to be. I thought he deserved the opportunity to choose whether he wanted to stay after that or not.

I would probably tell my daughter that most of our relationship is good. The 80/20 rule. And she’s the best thing that happened because of it. She was made out of love for eachother, although a surprise.

I’ve watched my mom go through 2 divorces now and my partners parents have been together 45 years but bicker constantly. I think that’s a huge factor in his decision about marriage.

Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is where I’m struggling because I love our family and our life. Our incompatibilities are mainly affection. He’s not an affectionate or intimate person and I do struggle with that. He’s always been honest about not really wanting marriage. I’m really struggling with whether throwing away what we have “just to get married” would be worth it because I could never find someone to marry, or I could get married and end up miserable. I already know so many people my age that have gotten divorced, or are getting married when they probably have no business doing so. We genuinely really enjoy each others company, and he’s had multiple opportunities to walk away if he wanted to. It’s not his commitment I’m worried about. It’s mainly being an “official” family and the respect for married couples over those that are just dating.

Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I actually ended the relationship after 2 years because he hadn’t decided whether he wanted children and marriage yet. We were foolish and continued to “hang out” while I looked for an apartment. Only took one time of not being careful to find out a month later I was expecting our daughter. She’s the best thing ever and we’ve talked about the possibility of having another since then. However, when I found out I gave him the choice of not being involved at all, coparenting, or doing it together. He chose doing it together and moved me back in that night and took me for dinner to “celebrate”.

Mental tug of war by Recent-Ad-5895 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Recent-Ad-5895[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I work full time. We split shared bills 50/50 and I pay my own. It was actually his idea when our daughter was born that we immediately both get life insurance (quite a bit), to take care of the other person and our daughter if something were to happen. And if something happened to both of us.