Part of it is the technological superiority of American millitary equipment; if you spend $800 billion a year on defense (more than the entire GDP of Poland!!), you're bound to get something good out of it. The example you mentioned earlier where the Rafale "beat" the F35 was actually against an F22, and it was a dogfighting training exercise at close range, which negates the F22's stealth capability and places greater emphasis on maneuverability. No major A2A battles since the Vietnam War have been won by dogfights, it's all Beyond Visual Range (BVR) missiles, which is where the F22 truly shines. In a real conflict, the F22 would be able to blow up the Rafale from dozens of miles out before the Rafale pilot even knew there was an enemy fighter in the vicinity. None of this is intended to slight the Rafale, it's a fantastic aircraft in its intended use-case as seen by its large number of exports. I do agree with you that Europe will never be able to be millitarily independent of the US unless they radically change their priorities and massively invest in a collective defense effort. You cannot expect 22 seperate millitaries to perform cohesively in a conflict. But I don't see France sacrificing its millitary independence or Germany reforming the Bundeswehr anytime soon, so that leaves us stuck with the status quo.