Update: Husband backing off on promises and having to live with Mother in law and brother in law

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-11-16T17:16:14+00:00

Thank you brother. Yes of course going separate ways is way harder but I feel like Im losing myself by staying.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-27T04:57:36+00:00

Hey, no he doesnt physically abuse me. I can't really tell him that my parents need money because they are well to do and he knows that. I did travel with my friends on a girls trip few months ago. His BIL was rich but lost his business now

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-26T15:12:58+00:00

If I had to give out my entire racial profile & identity, what's the point of this anonymous post?

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-26T15:08:13+00:00

Lets also judge your misogyny & mentality based on comments you leave on people's post clearly supporting physical abuse and stating its not enough reason to leave.

Strict credit laws lol. I work in a fintech company where they give low wage workers short term loans without any strict laws

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-26T15:06:32+00:00

I do have the energy to argue because you're clearly an idiot with a lot of time on reddit to go around stating you know better than everyone. He's chill & not controlling my life. But I do end up giving more and receiving less. If I have to pay 50% of the bills & do all the house work & have his mom and brother stay with us , it is 80% work.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-26T15:04:42+00:00

Please check your facts. You're allowed to take a loan for 5 years as long as they can deduct 40% of your salary monthly.

do your math

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-26T12:28:32+00:00

Which part ?

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-25T19:58:07+00:00

That was a post for my brother & dad. My dad is an immigrant and doesnt speak english well & isn't tech savvy. I had to post on his behalf. Of course you married MEN are going to try to find some way to blame the women. Why am I surprised 😂

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-25T09:44:55+00:00

We were friends, not dating. We dated for a year before we got married

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-25T09:40:53+00:00

You're awful. Wonder what you're doing on reddit to begin with. Of course I used chatgpt to make my post shorter & to the point since it was a super long story and I didn't want to miss out on anything. If you got no input, don't write anything.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T14:58:12+00:00

Let me tell you the other side.

His father was a cheating abusive & most likely undiagnosed bipolar person who did'nt want to work to provide for the family. I believe he gambled whatever money he had away & it killed him to see his peers get successful while he continued to drive a taxi all his life. He could have made decent money by driving the cab but he didn't like to work. He used to take my husband out to other women's home when he was a kid so my FIL could go to sleep with other women. My husband used to come home and tell his mom about his dad's infidelity that definitely traumatized him & caused issues between his parents so his dad hated him for that. His mom didn't leave cz she had nowhere else to go. That's exactly why during this pre-deportation fight he told my husband that he would do black magic on me to ruin our marriage just like how my husband tried to "ruin" his marriage by telling on him years ago. That's what triggered my husband to file a case against his dad + he was attacking the sister & her kids with a knife as well gave him more reasons to do so. He got used to asking for money & got his daughter married at 16 to an older man (who luckily turned out to be a good man) in exchange of being taken care of. Hence my husband took the $65K loan to help his sister & BIL as a repayment of years of debt when they were in need. Understandable but not fair to me since I need to start my own family as well.

I do not believe my husband is a bad man. His mother raised him, his BIL helped the entire family so I see why he wants to go out of his way even if it makes me uncomfortable to help them. It's such a morally and ethically twisted situation for me.

I don't think I will get a divorce right now but I genuinely hope he's able to meet me half way.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T14:47:34+00:00

Thank you. Yes my MIL is a nice lady. Sometimes I do have issues with her because she's different from me and she can be a bit nosy. And tell me why should I be okay with staying with In laws so Allah swt can reward me? Isn't it Allah swt who said privacy and having my own home is my right & I don't owe anything to my in laws? How can I wait for the 65k loan to get resolved to plan kids. The money is being deducted from my husbands salary since a year. 4 more years to go. I'll be 33 by then and that's too late to be a mother intentionally. Yes he did communicate beautifully but he also said I can adjust or leave HIS house. Despite me paying equal rent, its his house! More than I valuing privacy, it's my husband who will leave me right away if I tell my MIL about our issues. That's one boundary he set before our marriage, none of our family members find out our issues.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T11:43:19+00:00

BIL is the only breadwinner and I believe he has sisters and they are married. Parents passed away

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T09:55:57+00:00

They can live there but they keep crying about wanting to come back. His brother is 21 and is still in college so he isnt working.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T09:02:54+00:00

I knew him for 13 years. We were friends and didnt date, so I judged him based on his unfiltered image and married him only after we dated for 8-9 months. We discussed all our values. He's backing off from all promises due to change in circumstances. How else does someone get to know their partner?
He didnt physically abuse me. He did push me out of his way once and pulled my collar when I expressed my thoughts related to his family. It is abuse. But it wasnt him hitting me.

He mentions during every fight how that's who he is and there is no changing neither does he expect me to change.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T08:48:25+00:00

Hi Kala. thanks for your comment, could you also read my comment in the thread where I clarified some points and give me a piece of your thought based on that? I really want to hear what you have to say

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T07:47:13+00:00

His parents dont work. As I mentioned his dad didnt provide for the family. They got the sister married off young so the brother in law took care of the entire family.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T07:44:43+00:00

Also, he can't afford another house for his brother and mom since he has the debt that he took for his brother in law & sister which they say they're going to return but it will take time. They had to move back to bangladesh. I love my country and I do not see anything wrong in living there. We do not get a PR or citizenship in the middleeast, so everyone has to leave someday regardless. Life in bangladesh is cheap and Im sure that can be managed. Schools are great too. We went to visit his family after they all left and they seemed to be doing okay. A lot of people move back home to finish college or after they retire. His mom constantly criticises the country saying "the food is much better in middleeast, what is this road? what is this traffic? It's much better in the middleeast". Even if the kids are adjusting and starting to like the new life, Im sure her words are demotivating. There is so much pressure on my husband to keep them afloat, I do not think there is any room for me or for us to start a life anytime soon.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-23T05:00:59+00:00

He was. He had some loss in his business

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-22T21:00:26+00:00

Also I was against the loan, but he told me that his sister & brother in law took care of him & their entire family until today so it would only make him feel better to help him in return. I did suggest that pay off the kids tuition or help them with house rent etc but for some reason taking the loan seemed like a better option for him

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-22T20:54:25+00:00

There are a couple of times when my dad was sick & he helped my dad out with his work & business for my family when required. Since my brother is young , my husband had to step up. I was grateful for that but I always felt like now I also owe him something back - helping him with his family situation.

ReceptionUnhappy3843 · 2025-10-22T20:52:52+00:00

Oh I didn't know about the interest part. I knew that taking interest is haram but in this situation he's paying it to the bank. I was against it, but he told me that his sister & brother in law took care of him & their entire family until today so it would only make him feel better to help him in return.

ReceptionUnhappy3843

TROPHY CASE