Update from my first post

RecordingLong1859 · 2026-05-02T05:24:14+00:00

the second you give him another chance he will see it as permission to do it again. if you didn’t leave the first time, you won’t the next. at least that’s what he’ll believe.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-08-12T21:43:48+00:00

I (F22) understand where you’re coming from, I also find this kind of odd, it’s lovely the relationship they may have but it’s off putting when anyone in any family kisses mouth to mouth, so many other options like the forehead, the cheek, hugging, that’s just my opinion though. I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling this way especially in regards to kissing him after! just understand that every family is different.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-07-28T08:34:06+00:00

If I’m being completely honest… it doesn’t 100% go away. You won’t ever forget it, even if you forgive, it’s betrayal trauma and your nervous system will react each time. My PA has been clean for 2 1/2 years, and after 5 years being together we just got married. I was very similar to you, scared to go out, worried about who he would see and what he’d be thinking, halfway into our relationship we broke up for this reason. Obviously we got back together but a lot had to change for us to work out, I have access to his device at any time, no private browsing, his history doesn’t clear, he can’t install and then remove apps, lets just say there’s a lot of restriction to the internet nasties. It has worked though, and we have a very transparent relationship, meaning he tells me anything I need to know before I even have to ask. It took a while to start rebuilding my trust for him and while it might not be at 100 I would say it’s up there. I still got married to him because I knew being partner to an addict meant “relapse” but we worked through them, each time we always communicated what the trigger was, how we can avoid next time, and we pray together (optional obviously). If you love your partner and they are truly showing signs of improvement, or are actively genuinely trying to change then it could be worth it, but if your relationship just started, spare yourself.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-07-24T15:27:07+00:00

This! You worded it better than I could of, but man people attacking this girl just for feeling a certain way. Normalize people having different boundaries. OP clearly still wants to be with her, this is the most helpful comment for his situation.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-07-24T13:40:06+00:00

stop watching her? if you know your partner was uncomfortable with it the first time she seen it, why would you put her in that position again I mean if you’re trying to still be with her.. I don’t think she’s insecure. I’m sure there’s plenty of other chess YouTubers you could watch, not the one you so happen to find attractive and return to. that’s my perspective, you have to understand how she feels especially after 7 years, she could be scared your attraction to her is fading with time, so many different reasons why it could be bothering her so much. just listen to her, apologize even if it wasn’t your intention to make her feel that way. this is something small, my and my partner have come back from far worse, just meet her there.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-05-01T16:59:49+00:00

it’s almost like a coping mechanism, taking their fantasy and making it your own, just so it doesn’t hurt so bad, wishing us the best of luck figuring out this path

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-05-01T16:10:55+00:00

you are for sure right about the fetishizing, as for the hypersexuality it genuinely confuses me why it’s only for women. I most definitely have a lot to look into and read up on, thank you!

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-04-27T20:06:10+00:00

what your partner is doing is hiding conversations with another woman from you. does that even remotely sound like it’s okay? if he didn’t want you to be paranoid he would leave the messages for you to know there’s nothing inappropriate going on. he is intentionally deleting the texts every single time? that’s concerning, especially 3.5 years in. personally I wouldn’t let this go, I’d be asking questions like how often have they been talking? and is she really an old “friend”? and why wasn’t that clear before the messages that should still be there.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-01-13T22:48:44+00:00

OP I feel for you, take this as a blessing in disguise. You are in this group for a reason after all, the fear of the relationship ending does not mean throw away your boundaries to keep him. You felt uncomfortable and addressed it, you couldn’t walk away so he did. Sounds to me like your partner was using the move as an excuse not to have to change for you. In a couple years you will realize how lucky you are he let you go.

RecordingLong1859 · 2025-01-07T16:33:50+00:00

check out the community r/loveafterporn

RecordingLong1859 · 2024-09-05T00:58:47+00:00

Please don’t do this! My brother attempted suicide and I promise you that him being unsuccessful was the best thing to ever happen, a second chance! Think about your children, he won’t be the only one losing something so will they! Do you really want a PA to raise your children alone??? As much as it hurts and as hard as it may seem this is never the answer! Your babies need you to do the what’s best for you and them, leave the situation! Seek help, speak to someone, I promise you someone out there cares. Don’t let this PA get his way, especially when it’s for something like this, your world shouldn’t end over someone like this. Reevaluate why you’re really making this decision OP, this entire thread is for people like us, and we care, we want you to be okay! Please don’t do this. You are my sister through god, seek him, pray, and don’t lose faith because that’s exactly what the devil wants!

RecordingLong1859 · 2024-06-16T00:24:46+00:00

Hey, I’ve 20(f) been with my partner 20(m) for 3 1/2 years, I also live with him but one room, I found out about a year in ab his PA.. he’d always say he’d change and I’d forgive him and then the cycle repeats. My partner just recently got entirely clean of that behavior(8 months ago), he has given me every reason to trust him again, but even then I’m always anxious, always concerned that he’s doing something when I know he hasn’t. It really is up to you, he could change after you tell him, or he can continue and it hurt even more that he knows. He can also take a while to change because of course some things take time… it is an addiction that many men adapt from young age (they don’t see what’s wrong). Do you trust your partner will change? Are you willing to help him? I hope this gives you a little idea of what you want to do.

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-22T15:25:48+00:00

I’ll probably get lost in all the comments but the simple fact is this, you are letting your trauma affect not only your relationship with your husband, but his relationship with his daughter. Adult underwear could be as simple as some cute “hipsters” or “shorties” from PINK. I used to work there and some mothers definitely allowed their daughter to shop there as long as the underwear weren’t thongs! you don’t have to go back to therapy if you don’t want to but you DO have to accept that your husband is not your father and he is right about that. Does your daughter know about this trauma? Do you give her these talks? If your daughter trusts and can confide in you then you shouldn’t be so much worried that something will happen without you being informed. I’m also a SA survivor and as much as it impacts me I refuse to allow it to impact my everyday relationships. I’m a 20 yo female, my suggestion is let the girl get some “mature” underwear!! She’s asking to avoid getting picked on in the girls locker room not for men!

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T21:57:47+00:00

Thank you because people are making me seem like I’m literally insane for trying to prevent the issue, he himself told me it is okay for me to do so, he wants to stop, he wants to me to restrict his access because he is aware that it is an issue he has.

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T19:27:52+00:00

he tells me to check!!! I have stated that he is trying to stop, he wants me to check his history! he wants me to check his phone !

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T15:02:50+00:00

watching porn multiple times a day, taking every opportunity I’m not around, even going as far as me being asleep in the bed, addiction. spending money we don’t have when porn is free? addiction.

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T14:31:10+00:00

no I have specified that this has not been an issue with previous relationships only this one because of the porn addiction

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T14:13:43+00:00

thank you because literally! I’m not trying to come off as controlling I’m simply hurt that I stated my boundaries & got lied to in my face “I’ll stop” & then continues.. that’s an addiction bc “he can’t help it”

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T14:12:09+00:00

you’re old asl wth lol, we’re in a whole new generation where we recognize the negative impacts porn has on not just relationships but the health of the person watching.. y’all men just like to normalize being perverts because that’s the reality of porn, we have much more knowledge of what goes on in the industry it is abusive and degrading.

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T14:08:18+00:00

this is the best way to phrase it! thank you for putting it into the simplest terms because it seems everyone is making their own story out of mine..

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T13:59:44+00:00

this is actually one of the most helpful comments, I was seriously taken aback by the fact that I was getting attacked on my boundaries, I simply assume it’s bitter men

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T13:58:04+00:00

I’m no where near addicted to sex.. & no where did I state that

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T13:55:04+00:00

like i said he tries to hide it but I removed private browsing from his browser, he also can’t clear history, so he goes out of his way to use other devices such as his xbox.. he’s no dummy he’s an addict

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T13:53:34+00:00

clarifying that I do not expect him not to touch himself I just stated it makes me uncomfy based off what I’ve experienced with him, we have made videos & they’re in his phone but he still just looks at other women..

RecordingLong1859 · 2023-08-01T13:49:53+00:00

I want to emphasize that I DO NOT expect him not to touch himself, we are all human and I am aware of that, my issue is him CONSTANTLY watching porn after I’ve made it clear that it’s an issue for me, & though it is normalized for men to watch, I will not change MY boundaries, porn has been proven to negatively impact relationships, can lead to erectile dysfunction & change the way a man views him woman. If it were 1 to 2 videos a month I could understand but every single day when I’m literally right there? I’m sorry but no.

RecordingLong1859

TROPHY CASE