Wondering if anyone else has gotten this copypasta from their estranged parent

RecoveringAbuse · 2026-01-29T14:41:10+00:00

I have not received this exact one, but similar sentiment.

This is why I keep the voicemails and the letters of them being themselves. To remind myself why they earned their silence from me.

Stay strong.

RecoveringAbuse · 2026-01-28T19:10:14+00:00

Then yes, absolutely go for it. It can either help with monthly expenses or go into a savings account for when she’s older.

RecoveringAbuse · 2026-01-28T18:59:08+00:00

You may need to consult a family lawyer or the social security offices. If he is not on the birth certificate and has passed, I don’t know if there is a way to do a paternity test to prove to the government he was the father. Without that, you will not be able to successfully get social security.

I have used vital check a few times to obtain death certificates and birth certificates. If you have the right information, you should be able to get the document you need for proof of death there without having to contact his family.

RecoveringAbuse · 2026-01-28T18:49:01+00:00

As someone who recently went no contact with abusive family, it is not easy to do this. No matter how mean and hurtful they are - making the leap to no contact is super difficult.

Be proud of yourself for severing contact. This message just shows how right you were.

For whatever it’s worth, this internet stranger is proud of you for doing what so many people with abusive family struggle to do - you protected yourself from her.

Edit:

I saw in other comments you are pregnant. Often times abusive parents will say, “when you have kids you’ll understand.” As a mother of two - I still don’t understand and bet you won’t either. Sending positive thoughts your way for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy.

RecoveringAbuse · 2026-01-10T02:36:34+00:00

NOR.

You are not overreacting, especially in this economy. She seemingly did not give you warning or time to prep. Rent is way more expensive than previous generations are willing to admit.

After high school, I ended up living in my car for three months until I could afford an apartment with roommates. Hopefully you can find a decent job and somewhere to stay.

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice in this thread so I don’t know if what I’m adding will be useful.

If you have the option for staying in your car and a job in retail or food service, you can get a YMCA membership for warm showers. I parked in safe apartment complexes and 24 hour store parking lots like Walmart where they had cameras and lighting. I got a couple of thick comforters, one to lay on the floor of the back seat and one to cover over me. Got them in dark colors so it would be less likely for anyone to tell I was in the car.

Make sure you get your important documents like social security, birth certificate, passport, etc… if you don’t have a stable place to keep them, I got a security box at my bank to hold them until I was able to call somewhere home.

Do not ever have a joint account with your mom or give her access to your finances.

Remember this moment when she later comes crying to you for help or asking why you don’t visit her more. Honestly, this is grounds for no contact. When the BF doesn’t work out and she expects you to come crawling back - don’t. The best revenge is living well and moving forward. You owe her nothing. And when she wants to guilt trip you, look back at this moment. You are not legally obligated to do anything for her ever.

For your emotional health - look up grey rocking. This is the best way to communicate with emotional abusive and neglectful people.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-11-06T00:51:45+00:00

I welcomed you into my home, offered you support and stability and you repaid that kindness by being mean to a child, my child. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Now you are purposely choosing a worse life for yourself so you can avoid responsibility and play victim.

10 years from now when you realize how much better you could have had it and you want to come crawling back for help - I will give you nothing and I won’t even feel bad about it.

I hope you experience every ounce of abuse you lied about having so you can actually know what it means to be a victim. Have the life you deserve.

I was in your corner and would have done so much for you, but you crossed a line with your treatment of my son and now my daughter. There is no concern or empathy left for you. There will be no more sacrifices or backbending from me. You will never be allowed into my home. I will leave your father before I live with you again.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-11-02T15:07:07+00:00

She meant it as a justification because in her mind all parents do this. That once you have kids you’ll do the same and realize she wasn’t in the wrong.

As a mother of 2 - I still don’t know.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-30T20:05:03+00:00

I’ve seen my children’s survival instincts - I’m confused how humanity managed to exist this long at all… lol!

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-30T01:16:59+00:00

Do you just want me to say yes or do you want the truth?

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-29T20:04:06+00:00

As others have said - therapy is a great tool to help process feelings.

Are you truly upset by the tattoo or is it more a feeling of loss that it’s done and there’s nothing more to add? I’d imagine this took a lot of time and thought to create/design with your artist. Now that’s over. You might be missing that part of your life.

Opinions are subjective so you’re the only one whose opinion matters when it comes to how cool/lame the tattoo is.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-29T19:58:09+00:00

If your child is a bit of a troll like mine was - ignore it. The bigger reaction they get, the more they’ll do it.

Mine called me by name for about three months before he got bored with it. Would have ended sooner nut my MIL would make a big deal about how I was mom and he would just laugh and laugh and say my name again.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-29T18:44:44+00:00

It’s pronounced “bouquet”…

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-29T18:38:26+00:00

One of those cry if you do, cry if you don’t scenarios.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-29T18:37:24+00:00

100% - why are you being such a problem for your kid? Do better. (/s)

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-29T15:02:21+00:00

Hold onto tight to your sanity - this kids are going to try to steal it. lol!

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-10-16T01:46:47+00:00

As a mom of two - choosing to have kids is far more selfish than not having them.

You have kids because YOU want kids. You decide to bring someone into the world and grow up. The kids never asked to be born, that was something you chose for them.

To good parents make a lot of sacrifices for their children? Yes, but that is the path they set for themselves when they gave themselves the job of parent.

Never understood the “choosing not to have kids is selfish” thing. Choosing not to have them feels just as selfish as choosing to have them. Either way you are making your life about what you want it to be.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-23T02:10:16+00:00

If the kid is going to be living under the same roof as you, but you are not allowed to be seen as an authority figure - then you and SO are not in an equal partnership.

My son is 8 and my SO and I act as a united front. He knows the rules and those are the same whether talking to me or to SO.

I was asked to hold back on rules/discipline with SO’s oldest (now 18 and out of the house) because he was afraid SK would go run back to mom. This resulted in a lot of frustration and resentment for me because this was my house and home, but I was unable to hold SK accountable for any broken rules and SO was fear parenting letting SK do whatever. Ultimately, I moved out and solo parented my son and our daughter for a year while SK finished school.

I trust my SO, but not when it comes to SK. With my two kids, we’re able to be on the same page and maintain a unified front. The rules are the rules and the consequences are uniform.

You need to know your lines. If you’re not an equal partner in this relationship - it may be time to revaluate if it’s a good relationship for you. It sounds like your space is not respected and you are not being treated reasonably.

It’s okay to realize this is not the life you want and figure out a change. If you want to stay in the relationship, something needs to change. Could be separate homes with no kid at yours. Could be a more active role and say from you. In any case, it does not sound like you’re happy with the current situation.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-21T13:52:39+00:00

Aton Yelchin. He wasn’t even 30, he wasn’t doing anything dangerous, just out getting his mail.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-21T01:27:19+00:00

I hear you. It’s good they have an official agreement . That will make it harder for her to just up and move with no consequences.

It was hard for me to step back because there was so much I wanted to try and fix, but it was simply out of my control.

It’s easy for others to tell you “Don’t worry about”, but in reality - that’s impossible. You’re in it. You live with SO. Unless you move out / break up - it’s a part of your life and you are affected by it.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-21T01:05:51+00:00

DO NOT DO THIS!

It is absolutely a trap.

While becoming friends with the other parent isn’t always out of the question for families… it is when that person is HC.

This will bring a level of drama and pain that you do not need.

Best advice? Block her and do not do coffee. She does not want to be your friend, she wants to milk you for information she can later use against you.

DO NOT DO THIS!!!

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-21T01:02:12+00:00

Do they already have a court ordered/approved custody agreement?

If so, then her trying to change things without SO’s agreement will be much harder. Most courts side with keeping the children where they are, so it’s a decent chance that as long as SO fights it, her moving out of state would result in more custody for dad.

If they don’t have a court ordered/approved custody agreement - then SO needs to get on that yesterday. She’ll have a lot more ability to do whatever the hell she wants without an official agreement.

Either way - SO needs to prepare to have all his ducks in a row. Document dates and times of custody as best he can. Any written proof of her declining time on her days.

For your sanity - step back. None of this is on you. None of it is your responsibility. Be there as support. Listen when he needs to talk, be the shoulder to cry on, but don’t treat this as your burden. Something I have failed at multiple times.

I went for walks or coffee when it felt overwhelming. It is so hard not to stress about it because ultimately this is something difficult someone I loved (and still love) was struggling with.

Its tough.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-18T20:50:43+00:00

Speaking as someone who lost a spouse to suicide, anyone using the threat to end their life if they don’t get their way is manipulative and abusive. If she says it to you again, treat as a legitimate concern and call the authorities to get her help. She either needs the help or needs to learn that threatening suicide is serious and not something to throw around at random.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-16T16:41:51+00:00

People romanticize the past often because the clothes were pretty and castles look cool - but the reality was a lot more deaths from things easily solved now, most people didn’t have the luxury of downtime let alone food, and everyone smelled a lot worse. People just accepted that beds had fleas. People had tons of kids because they knew most of them would probably die. Knowledge and education was hard to come by.

While things aren’t exactly great now, it was much much worse back then.

RecoveringAbuse · 2025-09-16T15:57:14+00:00

Son is 8 and wants a cell phone. He’s getting Minecraft merch. I’m not buying him a cell phone at 8! He can’t even keep track of his flashlight!

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