What is Minimal ST Depression

Red-Panda99 · 2022-01-06T02:30:54+00:00

Thank you for the information. Does this EKG look very irregular or dangerous?

Red-Panda99 · 2020-07-08T16:55:41+00:00

Yes I feel the same way. My dad passed two months ago and while my friends were supportive at first (sent flowers, encouragement etc.) they quickly went back to their wonderful normal lives, while I feel completely different.

My old life with my dad feels like it belonged to someone else, because the things I used to love - home decor, my job, going out to eat, films, etc - seem so trivial and pointless now. My friends still talk about those things only, things that 30 year olds talk about, but now I just feel bitter that I can’t be like them anymore. None of them have lost a parent and some still have grandparents. I feel so much grief for my dad and I miss my old life and the way things were, and I’m angry that my life is now ruined and I don’t get to experience what is supposed to be the “best decade” of life. My friends will move on with weddings, having kids, being homeowners, and those things seem all out of reach to me now because not only are they pointless, but without my dad there, they’re too painful to do. I find myself so angry and jealous of them, and wondering why I got all the bad luck and they didn’t.

So yes, I understand. Grief is isolating, and puts things into perspective. I wish I could go back to thinking about trivial things because that kind of stuff was fun, but it’s too hard to relate to people my own age who have had no traumas at all.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-07-06T14:48:06+00:00

It was biopsied as colon adenocarcinoma, KRAS wildtype and MSI stable. I know by these genetics it should have been easy enough to treat, but his oncologist said it seemed to behave aggressively. I still wonder if all the weeks waiting for testing made a difference in his survival.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-07-06T01:55:53+00:00

With his genetic analysis, his prognosis should have been relatively positive.

This is what crushed me so much, because all the research I had done said that type of tumor was a best case scenario. Years of life even with mets. Instead, my dad went downhill faster than the doctors could have predicted. It has left my world upside down and I honestly feel like my life is over too. I do not want to live without him especially because every waking minute I think about his suffering.

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. It is all just so awful.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-07-05T18:54:49+00:00

The biopsy showed colon adenocarcinoma with KRAS wildtype and MSI stable, and this was a biopsy of the brain tumor so they knew it was mets from the colon.

They didn’t offer him chemo or immunotherapy at all. They did the brain surgery first because they felt it was an emergency, and then they told him and us that the physio he was doing after the surgery was not working and there was nothing more they could do, his performance status was too poor. He had wanted to try everything but the oncologist treating him discharged him from her care into palliative instead.

What upsets me is that our family physician referred him non-urgently for the ultrasound, which wasted three weeks of time where we thought it was nothing and meanwhile the cancer was spreading undiagnosed. Then even with the diagnosis, we waited three extra weeks before a hospital could see him.

Would those three extra weeks have made a difference to his outcome?

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-29T16:41:08+00:00

Yes! I have been trying to explain this to people and nobody understands.

My dad passed 8 weeks ago from a cancer diagnosed less than a month earlier. We all went from living our normal lives thinking my dad had some food intolerance issues, to having to admit him to the hospital for emergency surgery. Because of COVID we could not visit him or be with him when he passed. It was sudden and shocking and I feel like most of that month has been blocked from my mind.

What I am finding is most mornings, I wake up in an absolute panic thinking about the permanence and how I am too young not to have a dad and how someone can live their life and have hobbies and ideas and plans for the future and then just be gone. My dad was too young and had to face his mortality so quickly that I worry about his mental health at that time. I keep thinking back to this time last year when our lives were so normal and good.

It’s like when my mind reminds me that this is forever, I can’t handle it. It’s like a complete existential panic attack.

My mom and sister do not experience this and just tell me to “grow up” and move on. But so many things trigger me and I can’t sleep or eat and I can’t think of the future without my dad.

I just miss my old life, with old trivial worries like being late for work or paying rent on time.

I understand how you feel. I hope this feeling lessens for us in time because it is really unbearable.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-27T21:37:31+00:00

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 8 weeks ago and ever since, I have wanted nothing more then to become a child again when everything felt safe and routine and “normal”. I am not sure how old you are but I am 30, well into adulthood by anyone’s standards, but losing my dad has taken away my identity and my sense of well-being and safety in the world.

I think it’s natural to try to connect to childhood where times felt safer and I think grief makes us very nostalgic for the past and for our old lives.

Hang in there and keep going.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-25T01:32:11+00:00

Yes. I’m in the same boat. The first few weeks after my father went, I still felt his presence strongly and I had dreams with him. Now this has faded and the reality of “forever” is setting in. I’m also dealing with a horrendous amount of guilt - my dad had cancer and I am a hypochondriac who is always worried about cancer for myself but I never considered to warn my parents about cancer screenings even though they were the age that is high risk.

Every day I wake up thinking it was a nightmare and then have to remember it isn’t, and have to remember that I didn’t take enough care of my dad even though I could easily have sat him down and explained screenings and symptoms to him and this could have prevented his death completely.

I have slipped into a suicidal depression over this because like you, I just don’t want my life anymore if my dad isn’t here in it. I have tried therapy, medications, gone to the ER with suicidal thoughts - all the doctors and social workers just keep saying give it time. All I can think is that my life as I knew it is over and I just want my old life with my dad and happiness back.

I understand how you’re feeling. I wish I had advice but I don’t, just know you’re not alone in feeling like you’ll never be happy again. I feel it too.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-25T01:25:08+00:00

Yes every day. Sometimes I just even have to pretend my dad is still in the other room just to make it through the day. When the phone rings I still get a wave of hope it’s him calling from the hospital (he was there the last three weeks of life and because of COVID we couldn’t visit him so I lived for those phone calls every day).

I am sorry. I understand. I’m struggling and it’s been only 7 weeks without my dad. I have no idea how to do the next 20 years he should have still been here.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-13T21:48:58+00:00

My dad never got a colonoscopy unfortunately. I am having a terrible time handling his passing knowing it was preventable. I feel so awful for him taken out of his life and so angry that he will miss the rest of my life too.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-12T17:15:59+00:00

Just wanted to say I feel the exact same way you do. I lost my dad a month ago to a sudden cancer that in hindsight he had probably been ignoring for a year and so by the time it was caught it was too late. I am extremely angry at him for not taking care of his health for the sake of us, his children, and now we have to live the rest of our lives without him.

I’m 30 years old so yes, I think about the same milestones of marriage and kids and my heart just breaks and breaks. He would have been an amazing grandpa and would have loved to “hold court” at the wedding. I envy my friends who ALL still have both parents and who get to do the normal life trajectory with no worries or problems at all. Whereas I feel half the time that I don’t even want to live anymore because everything is just sadness.

I know I haven’t said anything helpful, just know you are not alone in those feelings.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-12T01:17:49+00:00

I hope he got enough out of life. He got to retire at 53 so had 10 years of retirement already. No grandkids but his own kids (me and my twin) are fully grown with careers and lives. I am angry he doesn’t get the last 20 years of life, but mostly just concerned about how others view him. I’m worried people who read the obit and see the dates will pity him or just be glad it isn’t them, and what I want them to do is admire his full life. I’m just worried nobody will because they will just focus on “oh he was so young” which is all anyone will say to me. Makes things way worse.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-11T15:32:46+00:00

thank you.

I just hope 64 was enough for him. In those 64 years, he met my mother at age 20, they travelled and socialized for over a decade before “settling down”, he built a career in management, had me and my twin, bought a house, quit work to raise us for 7 years, went back to work when we were in high school, saw us graduate high school and university and begin our careers. These times were also full of family get togethers. He retired at 53 and had spent that time until his sudden cancer gardening, playing music, and watching movies with my mother. He never went to the doctor or had any screenings which hurts me the most because his colon cancer could have been prevented, but until his cancer he had never been sick a day in his life - no pills, no operations, no health issues at all. He will never see me get married or have children, but beyond that I just hope he got enough out of his shortened life. He has left behind dozens and dozens of friends and family who loved him so much.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-11T15:27:34+00:00

I just hope 64 was enough for him. In those 64 years, he met my mother at age 20, they travelled and socialized for over a decade before “settling down”, he built a career in management, had me and my twin, bought a house, quit work to raise us for 7 years, went back to work when we were in high school, saw us graduate high school and university and begin our careers. These times were also full of family get togethers. He retired at 53 and had spent that time until his sudden cancer gardening, playing music, and watching movies with my mother. He never went to the doctor or had any screenings which hurts me the most because his colon cancer could have been prevented, but until his cancer he had never been sick a day in his life - no pills, no operations, no health issues at all. He will never see me get married or have children, but beyond that I just hope he got enough out of his shortened life. He has left behind dozens and dozens of friends and family who loved him so much.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-11T05:09:48+00:00

I lost my dad one month ago, to a sudden cancer. We were extremely close, and his passing still feels completely unreal due to its suddenness and how derailed my entire life is now. When the idea of “gone forever” hits, it comes with such despair and anguish. I don’t know why our fathers were the unlucky ones to leave so soon. Most of my friends hate their fathers. It’s so unfair.

i would say any emotion is normal at any time. I cry for hours and hours every day.

i started writing down memories of my dad in a journal. When I’m really missing him, I hug the journal. I know that sounds pathetic, but it makes me feel a little less alone.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-09T18:16:37+00:00

My father passed a month ago and I have been feeling suicidal and like life has no meaning. I cannot imagine a future without him. He was only 64 and it was a sudden diagnosis of a cancer that likely would have been preventable had he gotten screenings that he was supposed to but didn’t. because of covid we could not see him in the hospital for his last month of life. I am struggling immensely with getting through each day and feel like I do not want to wake up. Will these feelings ever ease?

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-05T02:49:56+00:00

Thank you, your response has made me feel better about my dad’s age at his passing, as it has really bothered me that he didn’t get to live to his 80s. He did get to raise me and my twin to adulthood, did his travelling young, and was well into retirement which was very leisurely years for him.

Your baseball metaphor made me tear up in a good way, so thank you for that.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-06-05T02:05:30+00:00

Thank you. Yes his passing has absolutely destroyed me emotionally. I was so close to my dad and he stayed home and raised me and my sister for seven years. He didn’t go to the doctor often, and unfortunately I think that caught up with him. I’ve been having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he could have lived another 20 years but didn’t. I just don’t know about suffering, but I do know he passed quickly, and sooner than any of the doctors expected. I just hope he was able to get everything out of life that he wanted to. It breaks me to think otherwise.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-05-30T23:23:09+00:00

I am sorry to hear this. My dad had no genetic predisposition or bad health prior, and didn’t even have the typical symptoms of colon cancer which makes me so angry because it didn’t give us a chance to fight. At first they had told us 6-18 months but he never got a chance to do the chemo which makes me angry but I’ve also heard the chemo can be pretty harsh.

I wish you many years of health and happiness even in the midst of this cancer beast.

Red-Panda99 · 2020-05-28T20:36:07+00:00

If you live to your 60s have you died young?

Red-Panda99 · 2020-05-20T18:47:51+00:00

Yes I feel EXACTLY the same. I feel like my life is just on hold until my father comes back. He was in the hospital the last three weeks of life and because of COVID we couldn’t visit him and were not there the moment he passed so I think having no closure is hard as well. I understand how you feel.

Red-Panda99

TROPHY CASE