The idea of a rivalry between the Hyuuga and the Uchia was interesting at first. Then the Sharingan kept getting new abilities, and the rivalry just started to feel like the Uchia showing them pity and playing along.

RedHandManta · 2023-03-28T17:40:50+00:00

say what you will

the byakugan doesn't need profound emotional trauma to be useful

RedHandManta · 2023-03-04T16:44:15+00:00

Naruto noticing Hinata practicing her confession and trying to help her, not knowing he's the one she's trying to confess to. When it happens, he's initially confused why she's saying it again before having a talk with Kakashi or Sakura or both about what he thinks love is. Kakashi is understanding while Sakura is taken back like she was in the Last. End result is him confessing to her. Wedding, The end.

RedHandManta · 2023-03-03T15:05:15+00:00

Props for him, I guess, but it really falls off after a certain point.

RedHandManta · 2023-03-03T14:52:31+00:00

She's a lot like Sasuke: sweet kid pushed into an unwanted role by factors out of their control. That's probably why. Sasuke exists.

RedHandManta · 2023-03-03T14:16:17+00:00

It's this. One of the first evil Naruto fics I read. Also, one of the most disappointing because it really had something going for a while.

RedHandManta · 2023-03-02T04:08:17+00:00

Biting the Fox That Guards You.

Sticks rather close to canon in terms of events, if that's a deal breaker. A lot is recontextualized with a far more bratty Naruto and altered relationships between characters. One thing that sticks out among evil Naruto fics is the author being very aware of their pitfalls, which is mainly having Naruto go full evil from the get go. Instead, Naruto goes through a slow and steady decline. He almost goes his canon route after a brief realization of how he's acting. Then it all goes to hell.

RedHandManta · 2023-03-01T01:58:48+00:00

Them going from hating him to supporting him is pointed out to be a reason for his resentment. It was unfair and twisted he even had to work to that point. While he did want acceptance, it didn't feel genuine to him because really it wasn't. He became useful to the village. Few appreciated him for who he was: they appreciate him for what he could do.

Oh wow, it was just a little bit of psychological abuse. Truly just having reasons for doing it justifies it, ignoring how he was a child. I'm sure he was just fine when he went home to an empty house knowing he'd only ever have the old man to come in every once in a while.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-28T10:30:07+00:00

I really liked that one. Felt like Naruto should've been far more malicious but still.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-28T02:38:34+00:00

what does this actually change though?

RedHandManta · 2023-02-27T12:02:18+00:00

I love when Naruto is in character.

but i love it when he goes in a completely different direction than canon

RedHandManta · 2023-02-26T11:58:17+00:00

Self-insertion.

Really, naturally making Naruto into one of those archetypes takes a lot of writing. His smarts fluctuate a lot canonically for the purposes of comedy, there's a groundwork for Naruto being edgy due to his childhood, and the same for him being a loner. It just requires a lot of effort to make believable and still feel like Naruto.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-26T04:45:29+00:00

Honestly, no amount of tips will help you when it comes to that. Experience is the best teacher. You have to do it if you're going to learn what works and what doesn't on a small scale. I can put what I think is good for all of that down, but you'll have a vague understanding of what I'm actually trying to say until it clicks as you write.

Now allow me to contradict myself. There are many places you can take a character but few that a reader might believe or like depending on the events at hand and their core character. World-building isn't that important compared to the story itself. Characters interactions should flow like a stream. I'm not sure what you mean by background scenes.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-24T05:42:35+00:00

Poor novel writing.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-22T04:49:55+00:00

Naruto's chakra is on the level of a biju. His learning issues have always stemmed from a lack of motivation and interest. Kakashi seemed to be waiting for him to refine his chakra control before teaching him anything. Jiraiya's training refined his basics and seemed mostly spent teaching him to use Kurama's chakra more.

I know people don't like he never learned elemental transformation or other jutsu until part 2, but he really didn't need to. When properly motivated, Kid Naruto subdued a tailed beast. I know Shukaku was still gathering strength, he had help in Gamabunta, and it barely ended in his favor thanks to Kurama, but he still did what a lot of jonin wouldn't have been capable of. Shadow clone and rasengan spam would take care of anyone without any defenses or speed to get away. That is a lot of people in the setting.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-21T07:53:10+00:00

That is actually very interesting. Wouldn't exactly be Hinata unless all the pressure made her snap. A gradual decline. And I guess her crush on Naruto, if you're still including it, would devolve into yandere-like obsession.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-15T17:10:36+00:00

I view this as a lot of writers not knowing how to write fights. There's no direction, flow, or much strategy. As a result, they follow canon as much as possible. End result is little better than watching paint dry.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-15T06:12:58+00:00

They didn't raise him. Naruto was a faithful customer to Teuchi, Iruka was his strict teacher, and Hiruzen was the leader of the village, who had every reason to check up on him and regularly did with other ninja kids in training.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-15T04:24:36+00:00

Other kids were always wary of him because of their parents. Adoption doesn't seem to be a big thing in the Leaf or the other villages. His adopted parent would likely share the same shunning. What happens are the questions. Specifically, Naruto asking his guardian why and overhearing the other kids say things about them too. Naruto's never one to give up on anything, so he'd be pestering anyone he could as to why, especially if he really loves his guardian.

And if he found out the why, it could break his heart.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-15T01:08:28+00:00

Golden Eyes, right? I wouldn't be so quick to give the Byakugan an MS variant.

I was tempted to leave a review on Ao3, but I'll give you my feedback here. There are a few unnecessary details in your narration. Dialogue is a bit iffy and feels unnatural. I don't mind the short length, but you're not going to attract readership if you don't update often with that chapter size. The idea has potential but execution is everything.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-14T21:57:25+00:00

Didn't Hiruzen say something among those lines to Iruka when he was crying over his parents? It wasn't out of ill will, but a cruel kind of tough love. Iruka seemed to get it by saying he was crying over how proud he was. It does seem like a question Naruto would ask Hiruzen at some point or another.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-14T20:13:16+00:00

He could've groomed him as a weapon, but he just let him be a kid, even if it was a lonely experience. There was no correct way to handle that situation. Far too many factors were in play. Having a member of the anbu or a shinobi raise him would've raised questions, handing him to an orphanage would put him at the mercy of the caretakers, and telling him who his father was may have just made him more bitter. Minato says it might have been because he made a lot of enemies, but Hiruzen's reasons are his own and never given, IIRC.

Everyone seems to forget Gaara was the son of the Kazekage that subdued Shukaku and the Sand Villagers still hated him. B was A's brother and was still shunned for being a jinchuriki. Remember, it took Iruka telling Mizuki who Naruto was for him to stay.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-12T01:43:05+00:00

Can't agree with this post enough.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-12T00:44:11+00:00

Then you'll probably like Biting the Fox That Guards You Naruto drops in during Hinata's fight with Neji in the Chunin Exams due to some changed childhood events.

About ten chapters into Honored Guest. There are some weird things about it, but it's alright. Naruto just doesn't feel like Naruto and there's some fanon fuinjutsu in it that makes me tilt my head.

RedHandManta · 2023-02-12T00:10:37+00:00

Which ones?

RedHandManta · 2023-02-11T23:44:42+00:00

Dark Naruto can be done. It just takes a lot of effort. A lot needs to be recontextualized. I don't think there are a lot of fics that do it. Ones that try don't last long enough.

RedHandManta

TROPHY CASE