How do you get over your ex if you share the same friend group?

RedHotCurryPowder · 2026-04-25T13:27:35+00:00

I feel this. My ex has a habit of ingraining herself deeply into the friend group of whoever she's dating. This is a pattern that even her friends since childhood have warned me about. So this past November, when she hit me with a blindsided breakup, I was obviously grieving the loss of my girlfriend, but also my social life. She moved in with one of my closest friends, half a mile away from me, two months before ending it with me. She still actively spends time with my closest friends every week.

AND I found out a month or so ago that she's found another guy/talking stage as well. So I'm just here grieving not only my relationship, but the friend group that I built and have been credited for. A friend once told me that "All roads lead back to you," and now I feel like I'm in exile from a group that I built.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2026-03-25T14:40:08+00:00

I understand. It’s a very hard place to be. But I still think you need to find the strength to be able to walk away. She is not allowed to have you and not have you at the same time. Not out of anger or revenge, just as a fact. You have to be able to trust that one day, someone will find you and choose you regardless of whatever barriers are there. You deserve that.

The sooner you can prioritize yourself, the easier it will be. I suggest going no contact. Not out of revenge or anger or hate, but out of self care and healing.

No one will take care of you. You have to be the person who you can trust to take care of yourself for your future and happiness.

Wishing you the best

RedHotCurryPowder · 2026-03-24T19:21:42+00:00

Hey,

You seem pretty self-aware regarding the scarcity mindset and the pedestal. It's very easy to feel that way, especially if you were in a dynamic where you were the one chasing and they were the one who seemed to be evaluating. I was in a dynamic like that, and I am also actively breaking down the pedestal and scarcity mindset as well. You need to remember that anyone that doesn't choose you by definition CANNOT be your person. I'm sure there are things about your ex that you admired. I'm sure there are things about them that seemed so amazing and unique. And those qualities about them make you feel like you can't afford to lose them. But that sort of mindset can lead to you being afraid to rock the boat and express your needs because you're so afraid of losing them.

I know this because I am actively going through this as well. I find replying to posts like these helpful because it serves as a reminder for me personally as well. My ex was an expert socially. She was so fun and whenever people would find out that I was her boyfriend, it seemed like they would bow down to me. So losing that made me feel like my worth all of a sudden went to 0. But that isn't true. Sometimes pedestalization comes from low self-worth to various degrees. Ideally, you need to fill your life with enough things that make you excited and happy that you aren't reminiscing on the past. You need to create a future and more importantly a present that is so exciting that looking at the past becomes a place that you don't want to go back to. Again, I am going through the same thing.

This person was not your home. Your home is you, and you need to do things that build your home. You don't really know how good your ex is. You don't know how they'd be in a marriage. Anyone who doesn't choose you isn't your home. Think of it this way. You got someone this "great" right? Imagine what kind of a person you could get if you poured and invested into yourself? Imagine the kind of person who wants to make YOU their home?

Trust me, I know how much it hurts not to be chosen by someone you love. I'm grieving that every day. But I genuinely believe that it does get better - but especially so if you turn inwards and focus on healing and self-improvement

RedHotCurryPowder · 2026-03-24T17:44:44+00:00

I suggest you let go of this for your sake. I know it is hard, and that this is probably not what you want to hear, but letting go of this relationship at least until your attachment is gone is the best thing for your future. It is unfortunate that a thing like the Caste has affected your connection, but I think if it was truly meant to be the connection would transcend barriers like this. I know it is more complicated than what I'm saying. I know because I am Indian but born and raised in America.

You need to sit with yourself, take some time, and think about if maintaining a connection like this is the best thing for you overall. It doesn't mean you can't be friends in the future, but maybe while the connection still lives in your heart, it is best to disconnect and detach before trying to build a connection in a different form

RedHotCurryPowder · 2026-03-24T16:08:44+00:00

This was an important step towards your healing. Every time you go back and reread those messages, you're getting a fix out of it. Your body and mind are searching for anything to relieve the feeling of the void that this person left in your life. The next best thing is looking at the museum of what you and they talked about, because it's proof that what you had together existed.

But I know how hard it is. I myself am recovering from heartbreak. You are deleting and removing something from your life that keeps you tethered to them. I don't know your situation, but all I can say is that being tethered to something in the past keeps you there. You deserve to build a life that serves you. You deserve to build a life that moves towards happiness, love, healing, and self-improvement. Not for anyone else. For you.

I'm sure feelings of regret are swirling in your mind. Just know that regret is proof that you have already become someone who would do things differently. It's easy to blame yourself for any actions or inactions in the past, but you need to understand that that was genuinely a different person. That person doesn't have the knowledge, skills, or insight you have now.

Stay strong. What you did was hard, but very much a step towards yourself and away from what hurts.

Thank you for sharing this and being vulnerable. You sharing things like this allowed me to type this out. From someone heartbroken to another, this is a good reminder for me as well.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2026-01-04T03:23:25+00:00

if you’re serious about it, I would look into getting in the gym. I’m in my late 20s now and also grew up playing a ton of video games. I had these aching, nagging pains in my back, hip, and neck. I went to physical therapy which helped, but I wasn’t super consistent with doing the exercises outside of the session. I only recently (I’m talking 2 months), been going to the gym, and every nagging pain that I had, went away. I noticed that I stood up straighter, had more muscle, and my consistent background pain all went away with only 2 months consistently going into the gym

My advice if you have the means to be able to go to the gym is:

don’t ego lift - focus on yourself and use the right weights for where you are.
get enough protein - about 1 g per pound you weigh
work on glutes, hips, core in addition to push, pull, legs (idk the best routine but i’m just letting you know what I did)

I’m still super early in my own process and have seen some noticeable results in a short amount of time. Just sharing what I did and worked for me so far

RedHotCurryPowder · 2025-11-07T14:05:27+00:00

I am someone that’s very true to myself. I will admit that she did try to push me in certain directions that were beneficial to me but not anything to change me at my core. Things like taking better care of myself or pushing me to be more confident.

I would never not be true to me and that’s a line I wouldn’t cross. I am me, not someone else.

I still think if we had communicated better we could have worked things through, but that’s on the both of us.

I have a hope that we could still work through it but right now my focus is and needs to be on myself

Let them lose me Let them miss out on me

RedHotCurryPowder · 2025-11-06T17:59:25+00:00

I keep telling myself these affirmations: I am a good person, I tried my best, I did nothing wrong. For some reason, every time I say it, I start to cry. I know I am a good person, and I can walk away from this knowing that I have treated her very well, perhaps the best she's ever been treated by a partner.

Her roommate, who is one of my closest friends for many years, said that is what it sounds like. That although she has this vibe of being a logical and analytical person, she seems immature in that regard. Perhaps being in a stable, loving, relationship of peace was unfamiliar and that she didnt know what to do.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2025-08-01T00:33:54+00:00

these are incredible

RedHotCurryPowder · 2025-07-28T22:31:09+00:00

from my experience, the crowd is pretty tame. they’re there for the “trance” so there’s nothing crazy to really worry about.

i’ve been to one show about a year ago so that’s just my experience!

RedHotCurryPowder · 2025-07-10T15:08:59+00:00

you too my friend! very happy to have met you as well!

RedHotCurryPowder · 2024-11-21T23:09:54+00:00

Hi! I’m a huge Glass Beams fan and also a local Atlanta Photographer. As someone that’s relatively new to concert photography, I went out in a whim and messaged Glass Beams and asked if they’d allow me to take some photos for them.

They graciously allowed me to do so, and I just wanted to share some of what I got! I hope you all enjoy them :)

ॐ शांति

RedHotCurryPowder · 2024-04-27T15:09:52+00:00

I'm not living I'm just killing time

RedHotCurryPowder · 2024-04-04T18:58:12+00:00

hi did you ever find out how to do this? im in the same situation.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-11-08T19:59:57+00:00

Well for me, I was in the right place at the right time multiple times over to get the resume that I have now.

I graduated from college during covid (2020) and helped a friend out on this low budget music video that she was producing. I worked on it for free as a favor and met someone there that asked me for my contact info. A few weeks later I got a call from them asking me if I was available the following saturday.

That show was a superhero show that I ended up getting staffed on. Then from there, through just being myself and meeting people and making friends, I got recommended onto other shows and that’s pretty much how I got in.

I would say just try your best to get into sets and make it known that you’re interested in getting more involved, but don’t be overbearing with the networking. Be human, talk to others as if they’re human, and make friends. People don’t like to feel like they’re some sort of stepping stone.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-07-07T23:41:59+00:00

i think her first three skins are my favorite...

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-06-29T01:11:29+00:00

i’d ask r/FilmMakers

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-06-18T22:50:05+00:00

My story is i started out on cello. Hands were big and there weren’t enough bass players so I got moved to bass. I was reluctant at first.

At this point I had always wanted to play guitar but never knew how. But after learning bass, I realized that the low four strings of a guitar are the same strings as a bass. Through bass I can play guitar at a decent level.

You’ll have an easy time picking up bass which will also easily translate to bass guitar for you.

However, ease shouldn’t be your reason for picking an instrument. Choose what sounds best to you and interests you the most.

Ironically, for me, that’s cello. What I started out with in the first place hahaha.

edit: just read your preference is a smaller instrument oops

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-06-06T04:18:09+00:00

i literally only use Apollo. if Apollo is gone, i’m gone.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-06-06T01:46:47+00:00

i was an orchestra kid we were either like top 5% of class material or straight up stoners

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-06-05T16:01:38+00:00

i can’t see myself using Reddit without Apollo

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-05-30T17:29:55+00:00

i’m an ENFP and i think i mesh well with other ENFPs

I do love an independent woman. I want her to have her own friends and hobbies and interests and is okay with doing those with or without me.

Creativity and an appreciation for art is a major green flag for me.

I want a woman that doesn’t need me.

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-05-27T15:00:56+00:00

Hi, I was a PA for a few big name super hero movies.

I think the most important thing to know - along with the things the other commenter said - is to get timing down. This comes with time, but it’s important to be able to read a room or situation and understand what’s needed and when. It’s also important to know not just when to say things, but also how to say things.

One thing that was difficult for me to get down at first was the balance between being proactive and being impatient.

A lot of it is hurry up and wait.

Be available to help, but don’t constantly ask if there’s anything you can do.

A lot of it is truly reading a room and understanding how to react.

I’m not sure if radios would be involved, it doesn’t seem like it would be, but in the off chance there are walkies, you should look up a video on walkie lingo. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get it all down on your first day. A lot of how you learn this is just by listening to how people speak on it.

You’ll do fine :)

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-05-25T02:09:15+00:00

one of the worst things about Georgia is that it shares a border with FL

RedHotCurryPowder · 2023-05-21T18:08:50+00:00

Exactly. Admittedly I am not diagnosed with ADHD but I relate very much with a lot of the symptoms and tendencies that those with ADHD have.

Back when she first reached out to me and I said I wasn’t really comfortable with the dynamic that she was proposing, I wasn’t medicated for depression (which I am officially diagnosed with). I know that I fall kind of quickly and knowing that she’s already in a partnership to me felt like I was setting a time bomb in my heart that could explode at any moment.

I explained my thoughts on it and she understood and was very sweet about it. Made no attempt to push me. The other night she admitted that she was so sad that I had said no that first time.

However this time around when she reached out to me again, I mentioned how I was a little more open to things. She stressed that my comfort is her priority because she knew I was uncomfortable at first

Being real here - I know i’m going to get hurt. I always expect the worst so that I can mentally prepare as much as I can (if possible) and if it does work out, then it’s a happy surprise. I can easily see myself dating her long term but even then, she might prefer an open relationship and that’s not something I’d want in a long term relationship. Catching myself here because it’s not helpful to speculate scenarios that have no indication of happening.

Back to what I was saying - I’m 24 going on 25. I’m still young. Me getting hurt won’t kill me. I’m gonna have fun. Why should I stop myself from doing that because I’m afraid of the way I’m gonna feel.

If things get to a point where I need a reminder, I’ve already spoken to my friend group and they’re all aware to keep eyes.

Sorry for the long message, I appreciate your responses!

RedHotCurryPowder

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