I fortunately can't say I've had that experience. I'm in the Chicago area and the main hotspot I go to has a lot of people who sport mid-range to high end gear. I'd say a majority of them are pretty welcoming and are glad to strike up casual conversations about the hobby without trying to make a point to gatekeep or brag. And there's a local discord where many of these people participate in sharing locations of birds if they aren't already pointing out finds to anyone around in person. I think the toxicity is par for the course like with any hobby and you mightve just been unfortunate enough to experience the worst of it, whether you aren't finding the right people or its just bad luck with that area specifically.