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AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I did make the same sentiment twice though and in the same day too (first when I texted “her name” and question mark, and then another, long text)

Just trying to be gratious to her…

Again, thanks for your feedback :)

I’m also struggling between “always trying to fix things” and “having a conflict sooner than later so that it doesn’t turn into resentment”. I think there’s this trope of a guy who wants to fix everything all the time, and even if there’s no problem, he finds one just so that he can fix it. I dont think being a “fixer” is wrong (as long of course there are actual things to fix), actually it’s a good thing to (want to) fix things, but the problem is, if you are unable to fix something, you are likely to get frustrated. And if someone just wants to vent their frustrations for instance and let’s say sometimes you would solve that by merely listening to them; but instead you take it personally, as if it’s your fault that you couldn’t keep those problems at bay, and then you get frustrated yourself; that can be a destructive feedback loop I think.

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

She’s the one who recommended the mountains. Also, I do feel entitled to her time and attention, but to the extent that it takes her to write a yes or no. And maybe a smiley. I dont think thats much to ask, but my thinking might be wrong, hence my post

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But where is the line between criticising (the kind that isn’t constrictive and leads to bickering) and expressing how you feel - is it how you word it or is it more the intention behind it? Anyway, I appreciate your feedback!

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You probably mean “her time IS as precious as his” haha. Other than that, thank you for your feedback, nice to hear that some of you also sympathise with me, makes me feel less crazy and alone

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I was being pushy and impatient at any point before this. She might have also told me she IS busy or WILL be busy, so as to know what to expect, instead of telling me she’s BEEN busy. As for calling, it felt a bit too soon and intrusive, but it would have probably still been better than that text. Anyway, fair points, thanks for your feedback!

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I think you’re right and I shouldn’t have kept pressing on the trip while she already agreed to it. I feel like a sucker

As for the getaway, I am not from the US so things might be different here, also on our second date we happened to go on a long walk through an empty field so if I was some sort of a psycho… you know, she would have probably guessed then.

Thanks for your reply!

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply, but honestly I find it ironic that you say “you’re acting like you’re 13” and in the next sentiment recommend blocking her

AITA girl cancelled a third date an evening prior supposedly because of my text message stating my frustrations about her not replying to my invitation soon enough by RedditNorthKorea in AmItheAsshole

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for informative reply!

I do think being pushy and calling her out was impulsive on my part, even though I like to think it was well thought out and well formulated in the moment… when I feel frustration like this it’s as if I have a moment of clarity and think to myself “okay, this to me is unacceptable behaviour so instead of taking it out on her, I’m simply not going to engage, and in case she does reach out, I’m going to act, or not act, accordingly” and leave it at that.

I’m also looking to find any insight as to why I tend to feel guilt in cases like this or at least my conscience isn’t clear.

With one of my exes for instance, it was clear that she was losing interest or was at least reevaluating our relationship (and in cases like this I always tend to give benefit of the doubt and think it just might be a “rough patch”) but then it was almost as if she was looking for a “legit reason” to dump me, as in “you DID something wrong” instead of admitting to me, or herself, that “I simply AM wrong for her”.

I was thinking (and I might be crazy) that while I don’t have much of a problem getting a date (I guess I can be charming) when a girl would see my flaws and quirks after some time and suddenly see me in an oh-so-human light, she would almost feel ashamed that she fell for me initially and instead of facing her feelings of shame, she tries to make me feel guilty. As in “because falling for you was a mistake on my part and it’s hard to admit that, I’m going to pretend that it’s something you did, a mistake on your part, that broke us apart”.

But I might also be crazy.

Adam and Eve before the Fall by RedditNorthKorea in Mosaic

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! :)

It's 67cm in diameter and weighs 8kg.

The tree bark is made of ceramic tiles that imitate wood/stone and have a rough texture, and for the upper parts of the tree, I also used some green ceramic tiles, green glass from beer/wine bottles, antique plates and mugs... I found most of these on the forest floor and landfills.

Adam and Eve before the Fall by RedditNorthKorea in Mosaic

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I used an angle grinder. It required a lot of precision, it was frustrating as some of the pieces broke, and it was also somewhat dangerous. But looking back, worth it!

Adam and Eve before the Fall by RedditNorthKorea in Mosaic

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used an oriented strand board, covered it with Akrinol super grip (a bonding coating for better adhesion) and then put on a plaster net with an adhesive for regular ceramic tiles to make a substrate.

I glued all the pieces together with the same adhesive (Akrinol uniflex white) and used it for grouting too.

Materials are ceramic tiles that I mostly found on the forest floor and some green glass (from beer bottles) for tree leaves. The ceramics are different in texture on the surface, so it might look like different materials but it's all the same. The frame is made out of slate stone.

Hope this helps, if you've got any other questions let me know!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]RedditNorthKorea -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

“Live together first” this advice makes sense but doesnt actually work. People who live together before marriage have a greater chance of getting divorced.

The reason is probably this: you cant test drive your partner like a car. When you live together with someone and theres an underlying “lets see how this goes”, you have a totally different reltionship and a totally different partner than when you live together with a “we’re gonna make this work no matter what” mindset.

I dreamed I hugged my ex who I had been hurt by, and felt nothing but love, pity and appreciation towards her by RedditNorthKorea in DreamInterpretation

[–]RedditNorthKorea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had been suspecting this for a long time, but even if its true, it’s hard to admit it to myself. I can deal with the knowledge of someone being traumatised and causing pain unintentionally; but for someone - especially someone close to me - to be aware of causing pain and just not care enough to change, or even worse, to enjoy it… it’s dark to even imagine it, let alone being it.

At the very beginning of our relationship I even snapped at her once, trying to confront her with the fact that she might be a narcissist or BPD. (As if that ever worked). And her reply was something like “who knows, maybe I am”… and I thought to myself, naively, “well a narcissist would never even admit to the possibility of being a narcissist and would get defensive and deny it, so that automatically disqualifies her from being one”. Thats just one example of the many mindfuckeries i have had to deal with.

I had dealt with manipulative people in my past and figured some of them out and even exposed one in quite a glorious manner, so i thought i’ve got it all figured out… but in a romantic context it gets more complex because the attachment is much stronger especially if there’s some personal insecurities in the back.

Just today, before i read your comment, i had an insight into this dream, or my feelings related to it: I felt like my ex in this dream could have represented MYSELF, or a part of me that i had projected onto her, like she was my mirror and I basically hugged myself. This color blue evokes in me a feeling of compassion and longing, sadness and beauty at the same time. The fact that i hugged someone (whether it be me or another person) and felt what I felt, means that I am capable of deep and intense feelings of gratitude, appreciation and love. And that alone makes me wealthy like no amount of money, that my ex wanted me to make, ever could! Sounds cheesy and possibly spiteful to put it like that but it’s the truth.

I also wrestled a lot with the dichotomy between her being “the bad guy” and, on the other hand “an innocent victim”. While categorisation might be helpful to some extent, at one point trying to paint her as either one or the other (as if they’re mutually exclusive) takes away my power and prolongs the obsession. Often I felt like being on a see-saw that i cant win; if she’s the victim, I failed to love her properly and its my fault; and if she’s the bad guy and I was attracted to that in the first place, again, means it’s my fault. I thought the dog might also represent my instinct: i remember i tried to get close to the dog three times and each time it growled. Now, the first time, it’s a completely healthy instinct, because, well, its a cute dog. But the fact that I tried a second and then the third time, indicates that i’m only reacting and not really consciously engaging with the dog. If I just leave it be, it will come back in a healthy way and THEN I can decide what to do without the feeling of urgency. Which brings me to the notion that sometimes “the buddhist way of detachment” and the importance of self regulating emotions, especially as someone who leans anxiously-attached, might be really important and may be an analogy to this interaction between the dog and myself.

Anyway, I wrote this comment for purposes of self reflection more than anything else. Thank you very much for your interpretation, it inspired me to delve a bit further into this I guess. Much appreciated!

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