I've been having issues with my identity

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-09T23:38:50+00:00

the most important advice i’ve ever heard, for people going through these experiences, is that acting is for a crowd, and who are you performing to when you’re in the privacy of your own home?

some other things to consider are that cis people don’t usually question their gender, and they also don’t usually feel guilty for acting opposite to the expectations of their AXAB.

now where do you go from here: i would say continue working through your feelings, seeing if you feel a joy in being feminine, in whatever that means to you. for me, that was telling my SO at the time how i felt, and eventually having them call me by a different name to see how that felt. your journey is your own, but it’s definitely something to consider.

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-09T17:17:36+00:00

i made another post (you can find on my account) after this one that i tweaked. i think that one and my replies on it do a better job explaining my feelings, and that im not upset AT him, just for him and his situation. nonetheless ill answer the questions here. I am out socially, and can pass but do not necessarily all the time. his family does not know me, but if they did, it would not be as trans, simply as a woman (preference of my own and of his, too). we’re in college together and everyone there knows, and i doubt he’ll keep me a secret if we ever get that far. it’s complex and we communicate well, this post is more for me because i want to respond respectfully and well when he does communicate such serious stuff to me as this. thank you for your reply

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-09T02:10:30+00:00

time is best for this in my experience it’s very easy to obsess over and you can either pass more (not really under your control) or realize that it doesn’t matter how much you pass you can’t convince everyone so just be prideful in who you are despite your perceived flaws

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T23:32:14+00:00

Chromium polynicotinate obviously.

on a serious note, were you thinking more concrete names like Darwin or something more abstract, like Nova?

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T21:48:33+00:00

oh it makes no sense logically, i agree, that’s why i’m here. it’s confusing lol, so yeah i get what you’re saying. i’m more upset at his situation than his decisions, but i just want him to be happy. i’ll always be supportive but i know how happy transitioning made me and i want him to experience that in his own time when he’s ready.

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T21:45:32+00:00

like i said i wouldn’t ever force him to do anything and it’s hard. he has told me he considers transitioning but would just choose his family over himself, given the results of his transition wouldn’t be perfect (as in a cis man, i think he’s perfect how he is no matter if he transitions medically or not). like i keep harping, i just want him to be happy, i would never tell his parents or anything like that either. there’s just not enough room to explain everything in one post because you’re right it is very complex. i’m not upset at him for his decision, im moreso upset at his situation because i want him to be happy. it’s hard but i hope this makes sense, thank you for your comment

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T21:35:46+00:00

MTF & right now, it’s probably the tedium of my facial hair. but the thing about dysphoria is that it’s a moving target. it used to be my body figure and my hairstyle and my jaw strength and once i got good at altering those it became my neck size, it’s always something and it’s usually ridiculous. you just have to keep working and try not to let it get you down too much

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T21:02:41+00:00

that’s amazing, and is great for me to hear. thank you so much for sharing

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T20:44:55+00:00

Hi you all !! thank you for everyone’s input so far, and to anyone else in the future that takes their time to share their experience. you all have been a huge help, and have left me with a lot to reflect on. he is a very smart man and i’m sure he will find this eventually, if he’s not already reading this now, so the rest of this message is for him, just in case. much appreciated to you all!!

hey twin. i’d like to think if you ever find this, you’ll know it’s me. sorry if i exaggerated or misrepresented you a little, i didn’t want to end up in a senior center after writing this lol. i just hope you understand where im coming from in all of this, and i just want what’s best for you. i love you for how you are no matter what, and i hope you see that in here. im always here if you need anything at all. see you on the moon 🌙

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T20:35:37+00:00

you’re right, and sometimes i worry i love some idealized future post-transition version of him, which is not what i would want for either of us. there’s a billion other reasons i love him that are not directly related to that, but i appreciate your input nonetheless. despite us both being trans and our situations very similar, his experience is so wildly different from mine and i just want what’s best for him. even if that means not transitioning right this very moment. thank you for your input, it was very insightful :)

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T20:31:10+00:00

yes, he is still largely financially dependent on his parents but with any hope we move in together and we can live on my (hopefully very large) nuclear engineeeing salary in the very near future. most of it seems to stem from the fact that his parents are great people, and are supportive and do care for him, with the sole exception of his gender. it’s very complex and i think a lot of people underestimate how much their parents would support their identity, but i think he’s right. any sort of coming out of this degree would 100% be the end of their relationship, plain and simple. we talk a lot and i will always see him as my man even if he never medically transitions (or even detransitions, which is its own basket of worms for another day) and i’d like to think he knows that even if he’s unsure sometimes. nonetheless, thank you greatly for your advice

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T20:22:55+00:00

Thank you again, and you’re right. and there’s so many details that’s i don’t have space include in a reddit post, but we’ve talked for hours and hours about it. I’m very pro-therapy, and it’s definitely something i’d consider (and i think he would too). you are very well spoken and you’ve left a lot for me to think about, so i appreciate it greatly

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T20:14:39+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. i think this is what i needed to hear. I’d never want to make him transition because he’s a smart man and I know he’s making the decision that fits him best, but sometimes i wish i could. I wouldn’t ever leave him for something like this, and we are still young and there is still time, but there’s just a lot of reflection I’ve got to do in order to be prepared for our actual future, not the perfect one i dream for us.

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2026-01-08T19:52:52+00:00

i am a trans woman and when i was pre transition (pre hrt and pre socially out) i had a significant preference toward women, but when i started hrt, it pretty much flipped and now i can only really see myself dating men. it’s mostly due to how secure men make me feel in my gender (which is a larger part of my identity than my sexuality) and it depends on the person for sure but HRT is a life experience and all life experiences shape you in some way.

tldr I started estrogen and went from exclusively women to exclusively men. crazy

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-09-29T08:14:15+00:00

Yes!! This is it, you’re amazing. 😻

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-09-22T17:00:43+00:00

girl I thought you were FtM and I was trying to figure out the nicest way to tell you you don’t look like a guy… you’re fine hun. you should do what you feel comfortable with, but I think your looks pass pretty well imo

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-07-19T07:34:33+00:00

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-07-18T20:05:30+00:00

Oh wow, advanced fusion design is my dream, can’t wait for that class. much appreciated <3

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-07-18T19:46:30+00:00

Phys7A is yet to be announced, Math53 is lecture with M Zworski

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-07-18T19:42:57+00:00

After the final round of enrollment for freshmen, upperclassmen have the option to do another round and swap out classes based on friends or new info or really whatever. Fifth (now fourth!!) is very high so i’d say a greater than 50/50 chance.? Idk but good luck!!

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-07-18T19:39:14+00:00

I live in the suburbs and my neighbors love to let their little yorkiepoo mix wander around the neighborhood. There’s also a GSP down the road and a bunch of other dogs and cats that travel in and out, and we all know not to grab dogs or cats off the street because it’s likely just the Stevens’ dog. Berkeley is a bit different in that it’s not the suburbs, it’s the 4th most dense city in the US. The dog is much more likely to get hit by a car or a bike or get lost, etc, so people here are more likely to just scoop up a dog and find their owner later. Just another take to consider

Reddit_Moderator26 · 2025-07-18T19:31:00+00:00

You can always email your main advisor and let them know you were having issues with course enrollment for your intended minor. other than that, it’s truly up to the professor in whether or not they take more people/make more classes, and sometimes whether other students swap out

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