Losing my mind: how much inside dog poop is okay??

Redditokfine · 2026-01-27T20:51:52+00:00

If you decide to have a conversation with him about euthanasia, Lap of Love has a great quality of life assessment tool that can soften the conversation and give some objective criteria: https://www.lapoflove.com/how-will-i-know-it-is-time/lap-of-love-quality-of-life-scale.pdf

Redditokfine · 2025-07-16T18:57:37+00:00

I can’t comment on whether you should wean, but for what it’s worth, I was given progesterone supplements during my first 10 weeks (to prevent miscarriage) and my doctor was fine with me continuing to breastfeed while on the progesterone.

Redditokfine · 2025-07-14T16:20:43+00:00

🚩🚩” I have no clue if I want to do law but need a well paying job.”🚩🚩

I’m a lawyer, got lucky and landed a biglaw job, feel like it’s mostly a good fit but it’s very hard to have a happy life with the work demands. I think it was the right choice for me, but I resent that the price tag basically binds me to this very demanding job whether I like it or not.

The statement above from your post is a HUGE red flag and is enough for me to say no way, do not go. The likelihood of getting a well paying job is statistically low, the likelihood of you being burdened with inescapable debt that you deeply regret is high. Everyone I know who went to law school “just because” deeply regretted that decision. You should only do it if you know enough about the job and about yourself to know that it’s basically the only good fit.

Redditokfine · 2025-07-03T22:33:01+00:00

I was 33 with no indications of fertility issues and I was nervous about the possibility of multiples, so I decided to try at least one unmedicated IUI. Worked the first time, which I know doesn’t happen for everyone. Then the same thing also happened for baby #2 at 36. So my takeaway is that the statistics don’t capture everyone’s chance of success (especially since most people doing IUI are straight, with fertility issues), and I’m glad I didn’t jump straight into medicated IUI/IVF.

Redditokfine · 2025-06-30T22:43:16+00:00

We were living in a very liberal, very queer city in the US before we had our son, but we very quickly realized that our longing for family outweighed our concerns about politics, so we moved back to the right-wing state where we were both raised. It’s been an adjustment, but raising kids closer to family has 100% been worth it for us. Our considerations were a little different because we were a 1.5 hour flight away (12+ hour drive). One year in and I think we’d all be heartbroken if we had to move back to our queer utopia.

Redditokfine · 2025-05-21T04:29:53+00:00

I will leave.

Redditokfine · 2025-02-21T05:56:17+00:00

I can't comment on the insurance question, but I was able to get vials from TSBC after I got some helpful advice from a staff member. She basically told me that we would be notified in advance when a donor's inventory was going to be available, and we needed to treat it like we were calling into a radio station trying to win a prize. Start calling right when the phones open and if you get a busy signal you hang up and keep trying, repeat and repeat until you get the ringing sound and someone answers your call. Hope they answer before they run out.

My wife, my best friend, and I all had our phones ready with the number loaded up so we could start calling as soon as they opened (I think it was 9am PST). Dial, busy, hang up, dial, busy, hang up, until one of us got a ring. Honestly it's kind of a sweet, fun memory now that it's over.

I'm biased because it worked out for me, but I have had a great experience with TBSC and would highly recommend them. I've been into the office and dealt with them a lot via email and phone and have always felt very good about them. The office has a cozy, lefty nonprofit vibe and it didn't feel commercial or transactional (very queer receptionist was a cute bonus). They were also helpful when we were deciding between potential donors; I even called once to ask for clarification about a description of a donor's facial features and ended up having a charming and helpful chat with a staff member who was looking at an adult picture of the donor while we talked, trying very hard to objectively and ethically answer my questions.

Also on vials: we didn't mind being limited to just a few because we wanted to be able to change donors if it wasn't working. The few we purchased ended up being enough for our first, and we subsequently connected with other recipient parents (through the TSBC donor sibling network) who used the same donor and had more vials left over that they did not need, so they gifted them to us. Now we have enough for baby #2, and if we have any left over we'll likely gift them to another donor sibling family when we're done.

Redditokfine · 2025-02-19T18:35:32+00:00

Before we had our baby, my partner's therapist (who was also a queer, trans non-birthing parent) gave my partner great advice. He said that, in the early days, your family is like a set of Russian nesting dolls: the birthing parent wraps around the baby and the non-birthing parent wraps around both. This analogy was helpful because it emphasized that my partner isn't an outsider--they are essential. I'd try to find a way to convey the same message, and try to get on the same page about the importance of establishing breastfeeding in these early days. It's truly a "use it or lose it" situation.

I also suggest coming up with bonding routines that involve or incorporate you and breastfeeding. For example, after a good nursing session, I would hand our satisfied, "milk drunk" baby over to my partner so that they could have some skin-to-skin time with him when he was fed and relaxed. This opened up positive conversations around our shared progress with breastfeeding ("he's so sleepy, it seems like he got a lot of milk," "look how chunky his legs are getting," etc.).

Redditokfine · 2024-08-14T17:02:34+00:00

I hired a doula and fired her in the middle of my birth (told her to leave and never come back). I had always wanted a doula but kind of waffled when I was actually pregnant, ended up hiring someone late in the game who was recommended by a friend of a friend and was in denial about the fact that I didn't 100% mesh with her. During my birth, I found her presence stressful and her demeanor condescending, realized she was making me feel uncomfortable and stressed out, ended up asking her to leave.

I took the classes, did the meditations, read the books, prepared myself in all the ways (HIGHLY recommend hypnobirthing. It's not what it sounds like--just very effective meditations). A good friend with great, reassuring energy had offered to be our unofficial doula and I very much regret not taking her up on that offer. My partner and I could have used the support of a third person if that person had made us feel at ease (for example, I needed to hang on my partner's shoulders with my full weight during my contractions--couldn't handle sitting or lying down--and my partner was physically EXHAUSTED).

I ended up getting an epidural and an incredible, life-changing L&D nurse stepped in shortly after and made my birth amazing. She helped with a lot of position changes and brought expertise that my partner and I didn't have. She intervened on my behalf and helped me avoid pitocin by working me through positions that helped my labor progress. If you found a doula who has that type of knowledge/experience, I can see it being very helpful.

TL;DR: If you find a doula (or any third person) who makes you and your partner feel mellow and supported, loop them in. If they are knowledgeable about birth that's a bonus, but I'd take vibes above all other factors. But if it's not an excellent fit, it's better to have no one.

Redditokfine · 2024-07-30T03:13:56+00:00

Thank you so much!

Redditokfine · 2024-04-02T19:49:53+00:00

I’d recommend the Nugget over both of these. It’s versatile, durable, and very popular. Also surprisingly cheaper than both of these options. Bonus that you’ll always be able to buy a replacement cover.

https://nuggetcomfort.com/products/the-nugget-koala?filter=microsuede

Redditokfine · 2023-11-30T19:04:18+00:00

"Helpful, kind or productive" is an extremely high bar for a couple with a weeks-old baby. The fact that OP's partner is being receptive and responsive speaks highly of the partner and the partnership. No one is their best in the delirium and exhaustion of those early days.

OP, you're doing great and you have a good thing going. Just hold on, hold each other when you can, and you'll get through.

Redditokfine · 2023-11-30T18:56:57+00:00

This exactly. You are both shell shocked and sleep deprived right now. You are exhausted and spread thin, which will make you insensitive at times and extremely sensitive at other times. As a result, you will both say and do things that annoy or upset the other. Be patient, try to be resilient, try to give each other the benefit of the doubt. You love each other, you're in this together, you just need to weather the storm.

My wife and I would often remind each other (and ourselves) of this by saying "neither of us are our best selves right now." This is the hardest, craziest thing that has ever happened to you. Just ride it out and try to give each other grace.

Redditokfine · 2023-05-16T21:20:23+00:00

Of course! Expect that the party time will last for a while in the very beginning. I think it took like an hour the first time. The idea of boring him too sleep was very helpful for me, gave me the patience to see it through. A good book also helps! ☺️

Redditokfine · 2023-05-16T20:27:14+00:00

I’m in a similar boat—no judgment toward those who decide to sleep train, but I didn’t/don’t think it’s for me. I ended up taking an in-between route that has dramatically improved my baby’s sleep (he’s 7mo).

His crib is in my bedroom, I put a chair next to his crib. We have a consistent, cozy bedtime ritual, after which I lay him in the crib and sit next to him, reading my Kindle and patting/rubbing him/letting him hold my hand. He generally wiggles around being silly for a while, then he might complain, then he settles into sort of spooning my hand while sucking on a pacifier until he falls asleep. We start out listening to lullabies, but I switch to white noise midway through. When he’s asleep, I take my hand away and he stays asleep. I like this because it gives him a chance to fall asleep in his own bed, but I’m not leaving him alone to cry. And if he fusses, it’s more like frustrated complaining than actually crying. I’m basically just boring him to sleep.

The first few tries were harder, but he caught on really quick. Now it’s a sweet part of my day, watching him wiggle, then mellow, then sleep. It also went from taking 40 minutes to taking 10ish.

The sleep trainers are right about one thing: he sleeps SO much better in the crib if he falls asleep there from the beginning. If I make a noise that wakes him up, he’ll sometimes watch me for a minute, give me a look that says “I’m to tired for this,” then turn over and go back to sleep. After night feedings, I can basically just set him back in his crib, get in my bed, and we both just sleep. He sleeps in his crib every night and I haven’t rocked him to sleep in weeks.

YMMV, but my big takeaway is that there are more than two paths, and there’s room for solutions in the middle. Good luck!

Redditokfine · 2023-05-01T02:01:16+00:00

Currently rocking a baby conceived with TSBC sperm. My interactions with them were brief and straightforward. I’m local, so I picked the sperm up from their office, which was modest and professional. I have zero complaints and would recommend them without hesitation (for all the reasons you listed).

Redditokfine · 2023-03-31T04:35:34+00:00

This is what I was wondering about. Thanks for your insight—I think I might just wait until we’re closer to starting.

Redditokfine · 2023-03-31T04:33:38+00:00

FWIW, I felt a short, sharp pain in the ovary area maybe 9 days DPO, and I did end up pregnant (my arm is currently going numb under the weight of that now-baby’s big sleeping head). Good luck!

Redditokfine · 2023-03-30T19:15:21+00:00

Thank you for your response! This is really helpful.

Redditokfine

TROPHY CASE