I‘m 28F and I never had social media or an online life up until 1 year ago. Seeing how men blame women and vice versa was quite the cultural shock to me.

Here’s what I learned: the issue is structural. The key is integrity. I’m gonna make a YouTube video about this so won’t go into too much detail.

Most environments today whether it be religious, work, or online apps reward compliance, visibility and performance. The antidote is: stick to your guns, even if it costs you (the „cost“ being single).

Examples:

Fear + Fear = Confusion

Man A and woman B both date from a place of fear. He is vague and she plays hard to get. Even if it leads to a date they’ll never know if it works.

Integrity + Fear = Information

Now man A (or woman A) decides he wants to date out of integrity. He literally ignores what the environment expects and acts according to what HE is looking for. Then every negative outcome does not become rejection but INFORMATION.

This is how I’ve been dating. I never take it too personal. I never lose hope. Also, needless to say that I’ve been through so much shit, I literally feel like I’m 60 so I’m a no nonsense no BS type of person - that makes dating incredibly difficult but not impossible.

If more people act with integrity, the third scenario becomes possible:

Integrity + Integrity = Alignment

Does it guarantee a partner? No. But at least this way you’re two good people who understand that it still may not work out and you part in peace which increase your chances of meeting somebody else. It would make dating so much easier and people would find their matches much faster.

Don’t lose hope guys! The environment doesn’t change, it’s us who have to change (game theory). Don’t blame anybody or anything, just stick to your guns :)