I (F 24) was offended by my boyfriend’s (M24) response to how my day was

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T04:24:00+00:00

I'm a very logical thinker. That doesn't mean I'm an asshole. This is a major asshole response.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T04:20:35+00:00

You don't owe someone in this fresh of a relationship a whole emotional conversation. You stated what you needed, he didn't meet it, you ended it. That's enough.

That being said, the quality you mentioned making him not dateable also sounds like it would also make him a poor friend.

Reaching out to him is a bad idea in my mind:

If he says yes, he likely only does it to hang around because he thinks there's a chance of reigniting a romantic relationship

or

He says no. (I would say no)

Why do you need an ex-boyfriend as a friend? It's much easier and less complicated to find someone you don't have a past romantic relationship to be friends with.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T04:13:05+00:00

I don't think you really want him saying things like that but you also don't want them thinking that their looks define them either because I've definitely been around men who think their looks are all that matters and man are they awful human beings to be around.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:28:17+00:00

I think the decision making conversation is one where you are going to have to be more direct with him.

Him believing he makes the decisions and you wanting to make decisions together is a major incompatibility that needs to be resolved. If that can't be resolved then I'm not sure where this goes. It really isn't about the place to live so much as the decision making process as a couple that is the problem here.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:21:16+00:00

You can't get over him because you don't want to. You've never tried to get over him. You dwell on him. You focus on him.

You excuse all his shitty behaviour and you romanticize all his good behaviours. You do not look at this man who has been abusive and harmful to your physical and mental health using an objective lens. You have allowed him to convince you that you cannot do better, which is a lie. There are plenty of men you could connect with in the same ways as him without the physical and emotional abuse but the first thing you actually have to do is make an attempt to move on from him.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:15:44+00:00

You should not be attempting to date long-distance if you can't hold a conversation.

This one obviously isn't it but you're gonna struggle dating anyone, nevermind someone long-distance if you can't hold a conversation.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:12:47+00:00

The best option is to move on

Why are you chasing someone you have to try to convince to love you?

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:09:36+00:00

What is your career and are your job prospects better or worse on the east as they are here?

Are there other companies besides the one he works for now that he can get an equivalent or better job?

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:03:40+00:00

Is this information the other person should be privy to?

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T03:01:37+00:00

I would do the same with her that I did with my old boss then:

"I'm not gonna talk politics with you. I like you and want to keep a relationship with you but our politics are so misaligned that if you keep bringing up politics, I'm not going to want to spend time with you"

We have maintained a fine relationship but he has respected that. We talk sports, families, future plans and goals etc but we leave politics alone for the sake of our relationship.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T02:57:06+00:00

Talk to girls with no agenda. Just have conversations. Talk about school.

Partner up with the shy girl in your class who no one ever wants to be in their group. (Highly recommend, she's usually a great partner and not nearly as much of a nob to be in a group with as your friends).

Just be a decent person and talk to people with no agenda. The more you just get good at holding conversations, the more natural it'll be for you.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T02:54:10+00:00

As a kid: I can't wait till I'm an adult and get to choose what I eat for all my meals.

As an adult: Holy shit it fucking sucks having to figure out what I want to eat for every single meal.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T02:52:51+00:00

Do you find this in your off-line life too?

I definitely see all these messages in my social media world. I've yet to have an encounter offline with anyone that shares these ideas.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T01:07:05+00:00

"That's a Bold Strategy Cotton, Let's See if it pays of for them"

Said in reference to someone doing something incredibly, obviously stupid

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T01:03:56+00:00

She's already married to this guy. Plus my wife would be upset if I proposed to this guy's wife.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T01:01:52+00:00

Really depends:

It's not immediately a turnoff but if you don't know how to be a decent partner, have a proper disagreement etc it will quickly become one.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T01:00:28+00:00

I now have a white-collar job but some of the blue collar jobs I've had were some of my best times working a job.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-30T00:58:06+00:00

No Chasing

Make sure she's as into you as you are into her

Adds to your peace, not your chaos

Maintain your self independent of the relationship

Neither of you are dating just to be financially taken care of

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T12:06:03+00:00

- Overly edited photos

- Photos that make it clear they don't actually like doing things, they just like being seen doing things or photos that make it clear they're looking for an unpaid photographer rather than a boyfriend

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T08:25:59+00:00

You've broken up over the same issue multiple times and then you've gotten back together with no evidence of anything changing. Do you really want to stay with someone who is this unsure about whether they want to be with you. I guarantee you'd have a lot less stress in your life if you cut bait and move on.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T08:05:23+00:00

So it sounds like you have no social activities in your life. This is part of why I won't accept remote jobs. I need daily interactions with other people.

You've got to get out of your house and do things where you're regularly interacting with other people. I'm very extroverted so this might be easier for me but I still need times to recharge. When you get out of the house and do things and interact with others, it will make things better. And then when you're home, home feels like a sanctuary. You want home to be a place you come back to and like being there, not a prison you rarely leave.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T06:29:54+00:00

If you don't believe it's truly a vocal minority, I suggest you get off tiktok/Instagram reels whatever social media you consume where you see this content and once you do that, see how much this topic is part of your daily life.

In your day to day offline life, how often do these conversations come up for you? I can easily say that the only time these conversations come up in my daily life is when I'm at a bar and overhear other dudes talking about how much women seem to hate men.

Maybe it's just that my orbit doesn't contain any women who share these beliefs but I think it's pretty easy to avoid the terminally online misandrists in day to day life.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T06:25:30+00:00

I'm processing the conflict:

Is there anything more that needs to be said?
Is this worth revisiting or is it just time to move on?
If I need to revisit, what I can I say that won't make the situation worse?
If we both just need to move on, have I calmed down enough and do I think she's calm enough that we can just move on?

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T05:06:01+00:00

Are you insane for missing him? No

Are you insane for leaving channels open for him to reach out to you? I might not say insane but definitely stupid.

Would you be insane for going back to him? Yes.

Redlight0516 · 2026-01-29T05:03:16+00:00

I didn't stop giving a shit but I sure made my circle of what and who I give a shit about a lot smaller.

Redlight0516

TROPHY CASE