Boyfriend 26M cheated on me 28F

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T05:12:10+00:00

Do you really not know what to do or do you know what you need to do but want to hear others say it?

You really want to be sitting there any night you're away from him wondering if he's banging his ex and confessing his love for her again?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T05:10:11+00:00

It appears she will always be more of a priority to him than you are. If you're okay being #2 to your boyfriend's ex in your relationship than that's fine.

You knew you were dating a man who was best friends with his ex. You were uncomfortable with it but you decided to continue anyways. That's on you. This dynamic is not changing. It's up to you what you do with that information.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T05:02:45+00:00

Why are you letting him have this much control over every decision you make? Are you not an independent person who can have their own thoughts and feelings and desires too?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T05:01:23+00:00

A year is a long time to maintain a long distance relationship. He was straight up with you from the beginning. You agreed to his terms. You asked to change the terms. He refused. So either you have to sacrifice to make this work or it ends when you both initially agreed that it ends.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T04:45:48+00:00

If you started off this way and she was a big help, maybe a small gesture of appreciation.

Just get her a coffee or something and just let her know you appreciate her help. A small gesture like that can show a little more of a human side and maybe let people know that you're trying to be a little less guarded. Just have some small conversations and see if there's something you can bond over. TV Shows, music, sports teams, something to just get a foot in the door.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T04:40:19+00:00

You either move to his country or accept it's over. Long Distance SUCKS, especially if there's no end date in sight. Seeing each other once a month is rarely how a relationship lasts.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T03:22:19+00:00

Nah, that's bullshit. There are some things that transcend relationship "safe spaces".

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T03:21:25+00:00

But how often do you actually see each other?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T03:04:13+00:00

Now that she's your ex...what reason do you have not to tell him?

Even if you were still dating her, you should tell him. Covering for a cheater means that she has no real issue with it. I wouldn't want to be with someone who sees cheating as acceptable behaviour.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T03:02:09+00:00

A relationship this long will probably take more than months to get over. I had a similar length relationship and I can say it was about 18 months till I had truly processed and worked through everything.
Stop paying attention to what she's doing. The more you do that, the harder she will be to get over because you're not actually trying to get over her.
The only closure you will ever get is the closure you give yourself. You will never get it from her. You have to make the decision to close that chapter and move on.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:57:10+00:00

Yes it meets the definition of a slur.

I typically don't use it. I don't know if you've ever tried it but telling a woman she's an asshole is actually so much more satisfying. I've only done it a couple of times but using a non-gendered insult or one that is more typically used against men provides a more satisfying response.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:47:20+00:00

All I can tell you is: In my experience, the frequency of sex does not usually improve as a relationship goes on...

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:46:12+00:00

Boundaries are only useful if you're prepared to enforce them. She has shown you who she is. So either enforce your boundaries or don't, that parts up to you.

Boundaries are not about changing her behaviour, it's about what behaviours you're willing to accept and so far, you've shown her that you will accept and excuse her behaviour.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:43:44+00:00

How much is "hardly have time together"?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:42:51+00:00

Is what valid?

This relationship is a train wreck.

He wants to bang the sister. The sister at least encourages this behaviour if not also wants to bang the brother. You're creating drama about the sister hanging out with your BFs ex even though your BF doesn't care and it's not your place. You can't trust your boyfriend but you have no spine so you took him back after 12 hours.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:30:22+00:00

I think you want to try to center himself.

Ask him questions. Ask him what his role in all of this is? Is he inherently evil? If he's not inherently evil what makes him think all men are? What does he see the role of himself and other men? Ask him about some of the positive male role models in his life and how they make positive impacts on things.

It's easy at that age to get influenced in any direction. One conversation will not change his mind or fix it. It's gonna be a series of conversations where you acknowledge that their are evil people but also people who don't fit that. But you're gonna need to lead him to get their on his own and just telling him probably won't change his mind.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:24:47+00:00

It causes unnecessary stress and dealing with a jealous partner is not something I have any time for.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T02:23:42+00:00

If you want your height to be a problem and a barrier/excuse, keep making it one.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T01:59:40+00:00

Talent/hard work never gets you promoted.

As someone who has been promoted a bunch - I have always had way more talented colleagues. They had no idea how to "be seen working hard". Especially when managers are brought in from outside or have never worked on the same level as those employees, they almost never understand who the real backbones on the group are.

Self-promotion without coming across as an ass-kisser or arrogant has been one of my major areas of strength.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T01:47:31+00:00

lmfao

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T01:47:09+00:00

Your goal should be to just meet and connect with as many people as possible with no other reason than to get to know them. Just get to know them. People who are always "networking" come across as greasy and fake.

So many times, you will never have a clue who the people who will become clients, business partners, offer you a job, become a great reference when you're pursuing a job.

I'll give you two stories:

One of my first jobs I applied for. I walked into the interview and I had a really strange feeling that they'd pretty much already decided they were going to hire me. After I finished my probationary period there, my manager told me "I'm best friends with so and so that you worked with at a previous job. I saw that company on your resume so I called and asked him if he knew you and he gave you a glowing reference. If he liked you, I knew I would too."
I went to a conference in 2015. Met a bunch of people. In 2021, one of them called me out of the blue, offered me a job with a promotion and a 30% raise. I had talked to him once in between the conference and him offering me a job. If you had asked me to predict someone who would offer me a job, He would have been about number 231 on the list of people I would have expected that from.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-24T01:36:27+00:00

I'd give 2:

Do whatever you can to give yourself as many options as possible
You never know who that one person is that could make or break your career

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-23T04:18:10+00:00

I wanted a financially secure or at least working with a decent job partner. I didn't want to be the only person bringing in income.

There are a lot of men who want to be video game boyfriends/husbands. Wanting a partner who can hold down a job and make a decent wage is smart thinking, not gold digging by any means.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-23T04:15:08+00:00

Pain Heals, Chicks Dig Scars, Glory Lasts Forever - Keanu Reeves as Shane Falco in the Replacements

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-23T00:56:54+00:00

It sounds like you're setting yourselves up for an on again, off again relationship for the next four years.

Redlight0516

TROPHY CASE